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Images from unsplash.com by Preeti M


This is not the story of just one girl.

It is the story of “That girl” – the girl who exists in countless homes.


“You have to marry at any cost.”

This is the first sentence said to a girl whenever the topic of marriage arises, as if marriage is the only destination of her life.

It was not that she never tried to express her thoughts in front of her elders or even her parents.

She wanted to try at least once, so she did. However, her words were always dismissed, as if they never mattered.

What hurt the most, do you know?

No?

Well, it may seem like a minor issue for others, but for a girl, it was a big deal. Anyway, whatever matters related to women seem very small in others’ eyes.

Because physical wounds are always visible to everyone, but pain related to the mind or heart is invisible; no one can see the harm, wound, pain, or suffering of that person.

The Dream of Independence

The real issue was that she wanted just one chance to become financially independent by doing a skill-based course. She clearly told her parents; instead of support, she heard, “Do a PhD. What if the boy will be only a 10th pass?”

That girl got shocked just after her parents’ words. She spoke out, “Why would you choose such a boy?”

Her parents gave their statement, “Boys just need to earn. Nothing else matters.”

She wanted to say many things in her defence, but the same response came, which went on for ages, “You have younger sisters too. If your marriage doesn’t happen soon, then their marriage will also be late.”

At that time, she had no supporter, no guide, or no door she could cross to find the right path. Finally, she also agreed that maybe this is her luck.

The Irony of Marriage

Ironically, when the wedding took place, that boy was indeed only a 10th pass while she was a graduate. Moreover, what was different was that she was never judgmental.

Nevertheless, days passed and turned into months, and she slowly learned there are two kinds of houses:

  • One is the father-in-law’s house, which is called “SASURAL”, where the boss is the husband’s father or, in his absence, the husband as well;
  • The other one is her father’s house, which is called “PEEHAR”, where the fathers rule.

Every girl moves to her father-in-law’s house from her father’s house; she has no home of her own. Her capability is measured only by being an unpaid servant and handling the A to Z work of her husband's or father-in-law’s house, and at best, by giving birth to a male child for that family.

Even for that one son, she has to become a baby-producing machine. No matter how many daughters will be born for this, or never allowed to be born at all.

Every time she has to learn – “This has happened for ages, you are not alone or only in this.”

The Hidden Wounds

When the husband visits only to satisfy his needs and then treats her as if she does not exist, it hurts the most.

Even worse, she always gives everything to that family, yet receives only insults anytime, so what could be the worst damage?

What was her wish?

It never needs to know before and after marriage. Parents arrange the marriage with this universal line, “If you settle down with your husband, then we will die peacefully.”

Even if the boy and his family were incapable of taking lifelong responsibility, society turns a blind eye.

If she refuses to be physical, due to any valid reason, then he says, “Your parents sent you to do this eventually”. If she tries to express feeling, then his next words will be, “If you didn’t want to do this, why did you marry me?”

At that moment, she realised: “Marriage is a license to use any girl’s body according to other people's wishes.”

32% of ever-married women aged 18-49 have experienced spousal violence (Nfhs-5,2019-21).
31.47% of crimes against women: cruelty by husband /relatives (NCRB 2022).
Every minute, one woman reports domestic violence in India.

The Double Standards

She never allowed saying that the marriage did not happen with her will. Instead, she must bow down and obey her parents. Otherwise, her words will be picked up, and people will conclude that someone else was in her life before, and she will be labelled as characterless.

Even if the man has had countless physical relationships with someone else, his entire family will support him. They claim that a man can never be wrong and that a woman must have seduced him, whom he had been involved with for years. The ultimate excuse is that if a man wants to try something, then he cannot get pregnant, so everything is forgiven.

However, the story does not end here; despite all that has happened, no one even sheds a tear. This leads the boy to assume that the woman he married and brought home after applying vermilion to her forehead is now his slave.

If she tries to do anything for herself or raise any objection, her husband and his family will handle and control her in their own way, keeping her inside the four walls so that the matter does not reach outside.

According to national surveys, a significant number of women in India experience domestic violence, yet most cases go unreported due to social pressure and fear of stigma.

The Breaking Point

Things went too far when she refused their unreasonable demands and showed them the mirror to their cheap thinking and intentions, turning that night into a nightmare for her.

She does not even remember how many hours, hands, feet and a belt assaulted her, and she was lying on the floor in a daze, unconscious of her surroundings. 

What she had experienced was not just cruelty; it was domestic violence.

Under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and economic control are recognised as punishable offences. Yet, for countless women, the law remains only on paper.

The blame was still placed on her, at that time, and questions rose of her upbringing, with the saying that girls should not speak up. Otherwise, she will be responsible for the consequences. They also said that her parents had not even taught her how to behave in her in-laws’ house.

A few hours later, when she woke up and looked at her face in the mirror, she was horrified; she could not even recognise herself. Her tears had already dried. Suddenly, she heard her one-year-old baby’s voice. In that moment, she made a decision… a tough decision.

She had done what others told her; she vowed that whatever she had gone through, she would not let her daughter experience the same.

The Silent Fight

She searched for her mobile, but the SIM card had been removed and broken into pieces; her every connection to the outside had been severed. Still, she did not give up. For 2 years, she remained silent, like a living corpse, or rather, like a machine in that house.

Doing everything according to the wishes of everyone there, silently obeying whatever they told her to do. Then, when everyone thought that everything was fine, she quietly left with her daughter and returned to her PEEHAR without any fuss or commotion.

As that girl had already realised, even at her PEEHAR, she would be the one advised to adjust, but she had been doing nothing but adjusting for years, whenever her parents came to know about her.

The Real Fight

However, she did not want to go through life adjusting, so she filed for divorce, and after 5-6 long years of struggling and trying, she finally succeeded. She was free from the quagmire where neither she nor her daughter had a future. 

In reality, divorce in India is rarely quick. Contested cases often take several years, forcing women to relive their trauma repeatedly inside courtrooms.

Every time the old pain would surface, whenever she had to face that man and his family in court, her eyes would well up with tears, her heart would tremble with fear, her words would falter, but she would not lose courage.

The Realization

Her only complaint against her parents:

The fear of social taunts, or she would be past the age of becoming a mother, or their belief that her body would no longer remain young and firm to “please” her future husband. Why are they so eager to marry off their daughter to just anyone?

Why does everyone forget that when a marriage fails, it is the woman who suffers a lot, and no one from society comes to help her? There is no fixed age for becoming a mother. Any man who marries a woman just by looking at her young and toned body, the goodness, nature or heart of the girl never matters to him.

Yes, one thing left out: when the topic of alimony came up, the woman said she refused to take a single penny. Nevertheless, her lawyer and the mediator convinced her that since she had a daughter, she should accept something, even if it was a one-time settlement. Just because she did not want monthly instalments in the name of maintenance till her daughter turned 18.

The only reason for this was that at that time, she was financially dependent, and she would never have taken any money.

The Truth She Discovered

She realised that financial independence for every woman and an emotionally available and mature life partner are two pillars that make a woman’s life truly livable.

67% Indian women seek long-term compatibility, yet 24% feel pressured into early marriage

However, the question remains the same as she once asked:

“What will you get by getting married?” 

This question still echoes in countless homes today. A daughter dreams of wings, but receives a chain in return. She seeks a partner, but gets a master. Society celebrates the wedding, yet the system rarely asks whether a woman is ready for marriage or not.

Marriage often becomes a destination rather than a decision. It should be a choice, not a sentence.

When society stops asking ‘shaadi kab karogi?’ and starts asking ‘khush ho?’ – Then marriages become celebrations instead of sacrifices.

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