You post something on social media. You get a like. You're happy, and it feels good. But what if you don’t? The picture you considered the best wasn’t being appreciated by the audience – what happens then?

Self-esteem lowers, and you start to question your judgment, and your confidence crumbles.

You achieved the highest marks in class, and you crave the praise. When doing something for your partner, you need a compliment. Putting Instagram stories, you need attention.

See, it’s everywhere. It's sneaky how we crave a little validation every day from somewhere.

Yes, it can be normal, as in the basic human tendency to feel good when validated. But, what if it becomes an addiction?

You endlessly go out of your way to praise your better half, your friends, family members, and even the outside people. To prove what? To prove your worth to yourself.

You might not even recognise it yourself. That means it’s not on the surface anymore. It has been buried deep inside you, unconsciously shaping your behaviour. That’s when validation becomes an addiction rather than just a mere feel-good moment. It became a drug.

Scary, isn’t it?

What is Validation Addiction?

Validation is when the other person accepts and reassures our thoughts and ideas. Validation is human; there is nothing wrong with wanting reassurance.

Validation addiction isn’t when you want likes on the posts. It’s when you become dependent on the reactions so much that your self-confidence shrinks when it goes unnoticed.

It’s when you feel anxious after posting a story, and nobody reacts.

It’s when silence feels like rejection.

It’s wanting someone to say, “You did well,” to value your work.

Addiction is subtle. It doesn’t show itself in the form of a massive breakdown. It’s the little things;

Constantly checking the likes on your photos.

Constantly refreshing your story to see views.

Waiting for someone to say, “You look good today.”

Sulking if you didn't get any compliments for the thing you have worked hard on.

On the surface, it might seem normal. We want to get praised for the hard work – it will boost our self-confidence. But the longer you crave the praise, the more we mask our self-doubts into efforts. We work for compliments and not for peace. We improve for others and not for our self-growth. Let’s see an example:

"I don’t want my weakness to define me, so I improved my skills in public speaking.”

“My boss likes someone confident and smart, so I improved my skills in public speaking.”

See the difference?

One was focused on growth, and the other was focused on impressing. And the scary part? It can never be enough; we will continue to want more and more. It’s just like a void that validation is trying to fill, but is never enough.

That's when you stop seeing yourself and start seeing yourself through the eyes of others.

Where does it come from?

Validation addiction doesn’t appear from nowhere. Every cause has its roots, and often these roots start in childhood. When a child has been constantly underappreciated or unappreciated by their parents. It grows. As a kid, your worth was determined by medals, certificates, marks, and achievements. It lingers.

You learned early, “Be good. Get praised.”

And slowly, praise becomes the proof that you mattered.

Sometimes, it’s through competition. You see others being liked, valued, and complimented for even the smallest things. You start to question yourself, “Why not me?”

That is when you start to prepare yourself in the interest of others. It’s not you, but you get forced to be ‘you’. You don’t want to fall behind and live in the shadows. The craving to be seen at the stoplight is a thrill, but it comes at a cost.

Sometimes, it’s social media.

You see perfect figures getting likes, you start to exercise.

You see, aesthetic lifestyles go viral, so you change your feed.

It is the loudest place where worth gets measured in numbers – the number of likes, comments, and followers. You start doing things that are unlike you. You start becoming a stranger in your own body.

Those likes, comments, and followers start to define you and validate you. It starts measuring your worth.

This is one of the reasons why social media is the most thriving sector in the world. Why? Because we compare, we get validated, we chase likes, we chase attention…Not everybody is the same, nor is every soul the same.. That’s why the amount of depression and eating disorders in today’s generation is increasing, because we are not able to achieve those goals. We are not getting praised for our work.

We’ve become used to fast everything — fast replies, fast likes, fast love.

Waiting feels like failure.

And the more we crave instant validation, the harder it becomes to stay patient with ourselves. That’s the need for instant gratification, due to the reduction of our attention span.

Our peace has become others’ response. Our identity gets their attention. And our happiness defines how others approve of us.

Step by step, we hand over our power to the world.

To tell us what we are.

What if it stops?

What if they stop clapping?

What if everything goes silent?

What if you stop getting attention?

Terror strikes in. That's the thing with validation addiction – you never understand the intensity of your efforts until it all fades away. Thoughts will start eating your mind.

“Was it all in my head?”

“Was I not good enough?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What should I do to change this?”

This starts repeating in your mind like a broken radio. You can’t stop it, no matter how much you want to. It goes on and on until you are pushed to the edge. You stop! You stop dressing up, you stop going out – because why should you? If no one is watching me. You feel invisible. It steals your confidence and your self-esteem. It takes your motivation and, worst of all, it silences your voice.

So, how do you get out of it?

You don’t get over an addiction overnight.

You start with a few steps. It’s not about deleting your Instagram or deleting your posts. But it’s learning to see yourself without the noise.

Clap for yourself when you do something.

Praise yourself for tiny steps forward.

Take care of your soul – pat yourself on your back.

Be the one you deserve to be.

Wear your favourite dress to impress yourself.

Keep fit for your health.

Acknowledge efforts that no one sees.

That’s when your worth starts becoming yours again. You start to gain your confidence, you start to realise yourself. You don’t need to be powerful every day. But if you choose yourself even when no one’s clapping?

That’s power.

Jon Acuff quoted - “At some point while you chase your dream, you will have an opportunity to trade who you are for who strangers want you to be. Don’t take it.”

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