In our global community, numerous social issues persist, some of which are region-specific. While certain blatant atrocities have gradually diminished, remnants of insidious problems endure. One such issue lies in the treatment of individuals facing challenges, disabilities, or those who differ from societal norms. Over time, we have replaced derogatory terms like "handicapped" and "disabled" with more respectful language, yet the underlying attitude towards these individuals remains largely unchanged. It is essential to foster a shift in perspective and cultivate a more inclusive and empathetic society.

Being a parent to a young woman who celebrated her 28th birthday on 11th of May, 2023, I have been reminiscing over my experience of parenting a special needs person. I feel it is high time I share my experience and view on being a special parent openly.

In my opinion, there are no special children. There are only special parents. The baby who is born with any challenge, knows nothing else and will live with it, but the parents, especially the moms have to make drastic changes to their lives to adapt themselves to the new challenge. They also have enough knowledge to know the child could have had a different life without these challenges. Then there is the discrimination against people who are different from norm in our society, who she has to face. It is almost like fighting a war with insensitive, cruel, immature and dumb people around you who want to peck a piece of your child.

Parents are ordinary people who handle parenting like anyone would handle any other task which they are not trained to do. They exhibit patience, impatience, care, negligence, respect, abuse and many other qualities. Many have perfected the art of portraying a good picture of parenting on Instagram though. Though people do have experience about parenting through guidance, books or parenting classes, they will never have a clue about what parenting a child with special needs will be like.

When we talk about disability or special needs, many people mention Stephen Hawking. Don’t worry they can be scientists as well, they say.. To add fuel to the ignorance, movies like Zero are made with scientists having cerebral palsy. That is why awareness is important. Stephen Hawking suffered from Illness, he was not a person with special needs and not cerebral palsy at all. Cerebral palsy itself can range from individual to individual in different ways it affects their lives.

We all experience different emotions throughout our life. I have experienced them as well. Nothing comes even close to the one I went through when I got to know that my beautiful daughter who was just 2 months old was told she wouldn’t be able to see, talk or walk. In this world of competitions where people who are faster, smarter, or stronger are admired and worshipped, it is scary to be a person with special needs. The fear I experienced then surpasses everything else. I have faced my own disability, third stage cancer, death of loved ones and many more, but this challenge was something completely different. Everything starts and ends with a solution, but being a special parent is an unending task.

Many would think that the special child must have held me back and yeah, she has at times. When I couldn’t tag her along with me or find someone to take care of her,, I have at times skipped going places, taking up jobs or doing things which I wanted to. But more than holding me back, she has pushed me to achieve a lot of things as well.

They say the eaglets will not know they can fly until the mom pushes it out of the nest. This little push has been given to me by my children.my daughter by creating a need for me to do something and my son by supporting me. I never knew my own strength until I started parenting her. She was just 11 months old when I was diagnosed with 3rd stage cancer. I could not bear to leave a girl with special needs at the mercy of society which is not fair to anyone who is different. So I fought hard and built up a will to survive at any cost. I told the doctors I don’t mind quality of life, just give me quantity.

I became stronger and more brave to defend her. I educated myself and started earning to meet her needs. Finally, after 27 years when I look at myself today, I have changed a lot and moreover, I have changed for better. When I started I had the intention of helping her and giving her a better life, but today I see I have ended up helping myself, becoming a stronger, braver, smarter, and independent woman myself. So, maybe she helped me, right? It is absolutely true that Sometimes the things we can’t change will end up changing us. That is what my child did to me.

I strongly feel that God added these 27 years to my life after cancer not because I needed it, but maybe because my daughter needed me. If there were no storms, the trees wouldn’t have roots.

In this human world of give and take, everything is evaluated for its material value. Many often say it openly - they are a burden on the parents and society. You do so much for your child, what will you get back in return?

Even though we humans are very selfish, I still have faith in us. We breed cows, hens, sheep, etc. but we also love our cats and dogs more than those who give us milk, eggs, and meat. We plant fruit and vegetable trees, and at the same time, we love our roses and decorative plants. We water and care for them without getting anything in return. Can’t I do that to my own child, without feeling it is a sacrifice?

My child is incapable of great achievements, but at the same time she is also incapable of destruction. She cannot lie, steal, rape, murder or do any crime. 

SHE GIVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO PEOPLE AROUND HER.

If such pure innocent people are a burden, what about those who are capable of destroying society? We all love our biryanis, sweets, pizzas, burgers, and many delicacies, but there is a special place in our hearts for a prasadam. This is how my daughter is to me - a prasadam among a lavish spread of buffet of people. She is a blessing to my life. 

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