To the girl who thinks she won…
Hey!
Hope you are doing well, 'Doctor'.
He's still healing.
He?
Nah. Not talking about any of your patients.
I hope you remember the precious man you once had.
A lot more different.
A little more precious.
Now, to me.
I think of you;
A little more than He remembers you,
And a little less than I think of Him.
I've always kept wondering,
What kind of a girl you might have been.
You weren't basic.
Obviously, because wow;
You made Him fall in love.
You made Him love.
You made Him laugh.
And you made Him forget how to smile.
You made Him lose.
Time and Himself.
And you broke Him,
Approximately, into 629103568 pieces.
But the best possible thing,
That could have happened, happened.
He found Daisy.
And I found the pieces.
They are mine to embrace now.
I'll protect them, each piece of that beautiful mess.
I might not be able to fix those.
But I will hold them together, for Him.
Forever.
I visualize Him going the extra mile.
Multiple times, long ones.
For you.
I think He is still there,
And hasn't moved since then.
Everything He has done with you
And I long to do with Him
Is already ruined for us;
For Him because He might not want to do it again,
This time with me
And for me because, same.
I assume He loved clicking pictures with/of you.
(I hope I don't see any of those.
Even accidentally,
Because it will only rip my heart off.)
Maybe that’s why He doesn't click them with me.
Also, He doesn’t click any of mine.
I think too often
If the songs He sometimes skips,
He skips because you both shared a special something.
(With the song.)
I wonder;
If He has ever fed you.
He only feeds me cakes on my birthdays.
(Even that one bite tastes like heaven,
when it’s His hands that made and fed it.)
Or if He ever told you,
How and how much and why He admired you.
He never tells me,
I just see it through everything.
I am not sure if He has forgotten your touch.
He doesn't hold my hands.
I don't know if He would ever want to visit places,
You've both laughed in, with me.
That subtracts my smiles with Him,
In maybe 162 places.
I love to dream and plan,
Of building a future with Him.
But He once said to me,
Things don’t happen if/the way we plan them.
He probably was referring to the plans He made,
With you,
And are never going to come true.
I haven't yet figured out if He has made out;
Either to love me enough because I am not you,
Or to not love me enough because I am not you.
The fact,
That I get to live my life with Him
But you get to stay within Him,
For the rest plus the previous extra ones,
Is the one I couldn't find an adjective for.
It's not a matter of who loved whom more.
It's just about who gets whom at the end.
Never mind,
Thanks anyway...
From the girl who knows she won.

.    .    .