She used to believe that one day someone will come into her life and be her escape from this hell called ‘life’ in which even her family and friends exist. She knew it’s not possible, yet she hoped, she believed God will send someone to make her forget and make it easier for her. And He did but that didn’t last long. She lost him somewhere in the crowd and someone else held his hand and showed him the way out. Maybe it was for the best. Because how can she save someone when she is the one who needs to be saved?

The people she had, they loved her but she always loved them more and the more you love, the more hurt you’ll get. She was always an option, a second choice and a backup person. She was never prioritised. Even her best friend had a best friend. Her closest friends left her side, the people she trusted the most betrayed her, the family she cherished ruined her mental health. Who’s left now? She lost everyone. She started thinking that one day everyone close to her will leave so why bother staying with them? She thinks it’s her fault, maybe she was too much for some and maybe wasn’t enough for some.

While suffering the loss of everything she loved, she lost herself in the way even though she never loved herself. It didn’t get any better. She thought one day everything will be fine, she will be fine but no matter how long she waited or wished for things to get better, it didn’t. She didn’t have any hope left. So she ended everything, she ended herself. The self which was pathetic, the self which wanted to be loved, the self which destroyed her. She destroyed that self.

But she is still here, she is still struggling, her miserable self keeps coming back to haunt her, she still feels scared and she still hopes. Even though she couldn’t make things better, she is trying. She feels like giving up sometimes but she doesn’t. And everyone who is going through the same situation, she wants them to be strong, she wants them to keep trying no matter how hard it gets. She isn’t able to stop feeling hurt but she hopes you stop soon. You’re not alone, one day everything will surely get better and you’ll be okay. You might be wondering how she’s doing now, so let me tell you.

She keeps dreaming… till she can get it all, till she is where she belongs, till she falls in love with herself, till she stops searching for someone to save her, till she saves herself and she knows that her future self will be happier if she doesn’t give up right now.

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