That day I sat alone, staring at my blank notebook as if it was my only companion in this world. The summer sun was shining through the window, but I wished it would disappear. This is a story about myself who leads her life with a rare condition called myodesopsia (floaters and lesions in vision), that entirely caged me from several years of enjoyment. Though had gone to different doctors for treatment, none of them had cured me. My life has never been a smooth road. It was filled with a lot of hurdles that one could never think of since my childhood. Being hated by my own family members for my immature behaviour, I thrived a lot to cross the other part of this road, gathering some confidence and guts. But then myodesopsia conquered me totally, leaving me confined to everything. This could be the most crucial part of anyone's life as you would be left with no choice of living happily. Myodesopsia is basically a condition that affects people over the age of 60 years but unfortunately, I have got it due to astigmatism which is a congenital one present in my eye. I got to know about this during my 10th std through reading a news article. That was an article published by the American Medical Association mentioning the severity of this problem. If this had progressed, then there’s no choice other than living the rest of your life with it. There are many more advancements seen today in the fields of medicine and surgery but why do researchers take myodesopsia for granted? 

Maybe, It wouldn't be that dangerous but still at earlier ages, having committed to so many works, this would slowly take control of you. And that's what I'm facing right now. I often spend hours just closing my eyes and pretending everything around me didn't exist. That put me into a lot of depression and even my parents weren't ready to stand beside me. Despite that, I had dreams and goals that were untold. Yes, I aspired to go abroad for my higher studies when I was at my 10th std. But today at my final year, I'm losing hope of that. There are sayings that "Nothing is impossible" but after putting all my efforts into deleting myodesopsia from my mind, I would rather say "Nothing is adaptable". If so, then I would never bother about small things that hinder my lifetime goal. Speaking about my passion, I love writing at first. 

I found out this after winning a research article writing competition conducted by Sarkari School at Delhi for my article titled ‘Crimes against children-from a Child's perspective’. I was also given the chance to speak at their national conference that made me feel immensely proud. From then onwards, I started to contribute a lot by writing either poems, articles, and essays on several topics. That was the only time where floaters and lesions were not much visible due to less movement of my eye. Apart from this, I have written a lot of captions for Instagram posts of my college clubs. Secondly, I love to dance and sing. I used to practice a lot while being at home for college cultural and symposium but during the day of performance, I get to feel disturbed due to this condition and tend to forget either the lyrics or the dance steps. This is one of the major reasons that pushed me to solitude. 

Solitude isn't a curse but something that should be nurtured during the coarse of your life as those hard times mould you into a better person. That's when solitude became my companion and sometimes my well-wisher too. It was during that period I got to learn about publishing videos in YouTube. I used this opportunity to publish motivational videos like the quotes or the reels which I had learnt during this tough phase. But unlike writing, this one hadn’t encouraged me much as I was restricted to speak a lot of things frankly. If at all I had to publish a quote, that should not express my inner feelings which again made me feel alone. From then, to decide between my heart and mind, solitude suits the best for me. But on the other hand, it definitely lowers the potential of making friendships as it turns my excitement into anxiety on meeting countless new faces. This particular phase of my life taught me a lot out of painful sufferings, longing all time for that love and kindness that lead me to several realisations and now I'm happy with this solitude as there aren't people to judge or tease me. Once I was frightened to meet new people but today I feel more confident and courageous as this phase of solitude had made me discover the real me. I think that’s the best medicine for any such situation which make you more anxious or aloof. I did encounter a lot of stress during studying but today I could manage it as well due to the ability that I developed to ignore the sayings of the so-called ‘four people' of the society. This happening felt totally new to me at first but as days passed I began to accept the fruitful results of it. Although floaters in my eye persist, the self-confidence which I developed to defeat my own inferiority helped me overcome it slowly. The process is definitely slow but with patience to expect a positive change ahead, It stays permanent in your life, be it small or big one. 

So, It’s not about how people value you; It’s all about how you value yourself. Thanks to solitude for teaching me this lesson. That's the end of my unpredictable journey with a soulful ending. But this is not the end of my life. Still, there are a lot more awaiting on my way that may encompass miracles like finding a cure for myodesopsia and whatnot. Until that, let's wait for the best to happen.

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