It was Sujata’s last day at work and HR called her for the exit interview. It went well, but she regretted not opening up on a handful of difficult colleagues who made it tough for people working around (including her).
They were not the only reason she had resigned, but she had decided to reveal it to the concerned authorities on the last day.
Why didn’t she disclose it? You may ask.
There are many reasons. Those handful of colleagues had an extensive reach in other pharmaceutical organisations, including the one she intended to go to. Hence, she didn’t want any hindrance in her prospering career.
Secondly, her coworkers in the department would be subjected to questioning to verify her claims. And who would talk about toxic people around them knowing how their career is affected?
(This is a true story, although the employee’s name has been changed to Sujata for Privacy reasons).
This is not one case of Sujata, there are many Sujatas across the world. Studies from various regions, including the US, Europe, and Asia, report a significant portion of workers dealing with difficult coworkers.
The consequences of toxic colleagues can be major, these include:
- Decreased productivity and morale
- Increased stress and burnout
- High employee turnover
- Reduced engagement
- Disengaged and unproductive
These issues can significantly impact a company’s bottom line.
Work isn't always sunshine and rainbows. There will be deadlines to meet, projects that go sideways, and the occasional grumpy coworker. But what about those colleagues who consistently drain your energy and make you dread going to the office?
It's your effort, that has won the job for you, no one better than you knows how crucial it is. Then why get traumatised by toxic colleagues?
Do you wish to navigate a tricky work relationship and emerge victorious? Here are some winning strategies:
1. The Art of Non-Engagement:
Imagine a co-worker who loves creating drama. Every chat with them could lead to an emotional outburst. The best defense? Become a master of non-engagement.
- Keep it short and professional: When this colleague tries to pull you into their latest office drama, politely excuse yourself or redirect the conversation to work-related topics.
- The broken record technique: If they persist, repeat a short, neutral phrase like, "That sounds interesting, but I need to get back to work on [project name]."
- The "fogging" technique: Acknowledge their point without getting emotional. For example, "I understand you're frustrated, but..."
2. Become a Boundary Boss:
Boundaries are your best friends in a sticky work situation. These imaginary lines define how much of yourself you're willing to share with others.
- Limit one-on-one interactions: If your colleague thrives on negativity, keep your interactions brief and professional. Schedule emails instead of lengthy in-person discussions.
- Be mindful of workload creep: It’s easy to get overloaded, especially when dealing with challenging colleagues. If a colleague tries to push extra work your way, be honest and assertive.
Explain your current workload and suggest alternative solutions, like delegating tasks or setting a realistic deadline.
3. The Power of "I" Statements:
Sometimes, a direct but respectful conversation can clear the air. If a colleague's behaviour impacts your work, consider a calm and professional discussion.
- Focus on "I" statements: Instead of accusatory statements like "You're always interrupting me," try, "I feel frustrated when our conversations get sidetracked."
- Focus on the behaviour, not the person: Stick to specifics. Instead of saying, "You're a negative person," try, "The constant negativity makes it difficult to concentrate."
4. The Documenter:
If the situation escalates or your boundaries are repeatedly crossed, keep a record.
- Document specific incidents: Note down dates, times, and details of what happened. This can be crucial if you need to escalate the issue to HR.
- Focus on facts, not interpretations: Stick to objective details and avoid emotional language.
- Keep copies of emails or messages: This can serve as evidence of the colleague's behaviour.
5. Build Your Support System:
A toxic colleague can leave you feeling isolated and drained. Don't go it alone.
- Confide in a trusted colleague or mentor: Talking to someone who understands the situation can provide valuable support and perspective.
- Seek professional help: If the negativity is impacting your mental health, consider talking to a therapist.
6. Focus on the positive:
Surround yourself with supportive colleagues and take time for activities you enjoy outside of work. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is key to staying resilient!
7. Stay Calm:
A difficult colleague can throw you off balance. But you control your reaction. Take a deep breath before responding. Focus on solutions and be positive.
Are Toxic People Really Toxic?
While some colleagues truly relish negativity, others might be acting out due to underlying issues.
Here are some reasons why someone might exhibit challenging behaviours:
- Insecurity or Jealousy: Feeling threatened by a colleague's success can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour or credit stealing.
- Stress or Burnout: Work overload or personal struggles can make someone short-tempered or withdrawn.
- Lack of Communication Skills: Some people struggle to express themselves effectively, leading to misunderstandings and frustration.
Differentiate between a bad day and a chronic pattern. If the negativity is persistent and impacts your well-being, it's definitely a cause for concern.
Supporting a Victim of Toxicity:
Witnessing a colleague being mistreated can be tough. Here are ways to be a support system without getting burned:
- Listen actively: Lend a listening ear and offer emotional support.
- Empower, don't rescue: Encourage your colleague to explore solutions and build their confidence.
- Document together: If appropriate, help your colleague document instances of negativity (with dates and details), for potential future use with HR.
- Encourage healthy boundaries: Discuss strategies your colleague can use to create healthy boundaries with the toxic individual.
- Be a buffer: If possible, politely deflect negativity directed at your colleague.
- Know your limits: Don't become the target yourself. If things escalate, encourage your colleague to seek professional help from HR.
A happy and productive workplace benefits everyone. By creating a positive environment and offering support to those in need, we can all contribute to a better work experience.
At some time or the other, we've all encountered them – the rumour-spreaders, the credit stealers, the passive-aggressive pros.
Remember, you can't control the behavior of others, but you can control how you react. By using these strategies, you can shield yourself from negativity and maintain a positive, productive work environment.
However, if you've exhausted all options and the negativity continues to take a toll on your well-being, prioritizing your mental health by seeking a new job might be the best course of action. There are companies that value respect and collaboration, and you deserve to be part of one.
If you have any experiences to share, or any measures to add up to the ones I mentioned, please comment. This might help navigate difficult work relationships together.
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References:
- https://www.indeed.com.
- How to Handle Toxic People at Work: 10 Strategies for Success (clickup.com)