I fold my hands to pray
When I decide not to sway.
I wish this rope would not betray
When I push the hope away.

Rajeev is a good friend. Sorry! Rajeev was a good friend.

Rajeev and I had been together since school and later our college days. We worked in the same organization. It was Rajeev who introduced me to many new people, and I made considerable friends. I knew him as the most cheerful person around. He was my go-to person when I needed help, which was always. He was ready for fun, travel and party. He was ever ready for life.

Life has a knack for giving surprises when least expected.

I saw Rajeev change. He became quiet, not responding to our calls and even avoiding us. I was now concerned with his social media status and the posts he had started uploading daily. He would suddenly become restless and pick up fights with strangers. He could not focus on his work at the office. He would leave the office early without giving any intimation to his boss. The HR department started noticing this. They issued him a warning.

I knew he wanted to say something but did not know how or whom to say it to. He wanted to do something but did not know what to do. He had become a confused person. The drastic change in him was not sudden but a slow and subtle change that people around him could not understand.

I now wish I could understand his subtle signs of depression. Why did I miss those signs? What could I have done differently to help him? Do we ignore mental illness in men?

Yes, we do. We forget that men need attention too. They require counselling and care. A cure is possible only if the mental illness or depression is detected well in advance. Usually, we notice the signs but dismiss them. We all play critical roles in encouraging mental health in men.

In March, when we celebrate Women’s Day, let us talk about the mental health of the men in our lives.

Mental health issues occur in both men and women but are diagnosed less in men. The simple reason is that the symptoms shown by both are different. Women may show symptoms of anxiety. Men show symptoms such as distress, substance abuse, and violence.

Women talk and express themselves. They share the emotional burden they carry with a friend or a close family member, and in doing so, they help each other. Such is not the case with men. Men do not talk about themselves. So, when it comes to sharing their mental health or depression, men shy away.

Reasons Men Do Not Express Feelings

There can be reasons why men do not share or express their feelings.

From an early age, we condition our boys to believe that they cannot express their feelings as it does not match their male identity

We make them believe that crying, expressing feelings or being sensitive will ruin their image of being strong.

Men grow up believing that crying in front of other people will threaten their masculinity.

A typical concept is that it is not socially acceptable for a man to cry when sad. Thus we conclude that men do not experience sadness at all.

The consequences of avoiding emotions and feelings start showing in varied forms. A mask of anger suddenly pulled up to cover any sign of sadness. A dismissive hand gesture to say nothing is wrong. Increase smoking and drinking cases. Men use these to misguide concerned friends and family members. They do everything to take the attention away from themselves.

Reasons for Mental Disorders

There could be several reasons that trouble men. Some of these could be issues like financial matters, performance at work, loss of a loved one, stress, and relationship issues with others. Some medical conditions can cause depression.

Let us see some crucial reasons for mental disorders in men.

• Health issues
• Relationship issues
• Issues at work and employment
• Separation or divorce
• Paternity
• Legal hassles
• Signs and Symptoms

You do need to watch out for these signs and symptoms in men that could be a hint that they are suffering from mental health issues.

• Anger, irritability, and aggressiveness
• Mood swings and low energy levels
• Change in appetite
• Sleep disorders like sleeping less or too much sleep
• Difficulty in focusing, concentration issues
• Restlessness or feeling stressed
• Feeling sad or hopeless
• High consumption of alcohol or drugs
• Suicidal thoughts
• Trouble having positive emotions
• Prevention and Cure

As part of their friends and family, we can help men to improve their mental health. We can help them to be open and speak about things. We need to build that trust with each other. Don’t we? Some activities do help relax and calm us down. Men can take these up and follow a routine.

• Regular exercise and meals
• Regular sleeping habits
• Relaxing activities
• Balancing work and life
• Setting your goals in life
• Staying connected with friends
• Other treatments can include-
• Medication
• Therapy
• Professional help

I remember reading a statement by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that men are more likely to commit suicide than women. Why? Well. We all need to think about it and change.

What Can We Do?

As friends and families, try to help by using the below tips.

• Stay aware, and read about mental health.
• Talk, discuss and share.
• Listen, agree and ask questions.
• Emphasize and reassure.
• Show support and patience.
• Stay in touch.
• Plan outings and social get-togethers.
• Avoid doing things given below.
• Avoid trying to fix them. There is nothing wrong.
• Avoid giving a lot of advice and no action.
• Avoid comparing their situation with others.
• Avoid taking things personally.

On this occasion of International Women's Day, I would like to address all the men in our lives.

Dear Men,

Your mental health is equally important to us as You are. We need you to be physically as well as mentally healthy. Remember, we are here when you need us. It is okay to accept the fact and take help rather than not be there at all!

I wish I could help Rajeev. If only he could share. Rajeev was my best friend. I regret to use the word “WAS”.

I fold my hands to pray
When I decide not to sway
I run my life my way
Call me a warrior, if you may!

.    .    .