"How do the people who are fat can even love themselves?"
Don't blame me.
Read till the end...... it's not what you see.
What does it take for a person to lose their long-built self-confidence and hopes to lose, for me it's the dressing room. You see mirrors all around with a reflection of disappointment.
I have forever wondered how. Because I never was able to love myself, at least recently. I have always had this perception of a nice body. The people always tell me to slim down, like I was not aware. But I understand why like others, I don't love my body. Accept your body never made sense to me, primarily for two reasons:
- How can I love a body where the fat hangs like a loose dough ball with stretch marks around making it more weird? It's even harder when you see people in perfect shape.
- Never made sense. if you accept your body you'll never want to change it and get fitter.
But did I hate myself? Let's see. One day an uncle came up and asked how much I weighed, and even worse told me that in a few months or so I would even exceed him and my dad for sure. Wish I made a bet with him, today he would have lost a lot, which makes him a loser. And once my relative uncle was telling his daughter to eat less or she would end up like me. Sure, I don't even eat much. This must have had an impact on me as I still remember, but in the end, I never spoke and just swallowed my pride. I absolutely hated how I gave people a chance to disregard me, at that time I did not know that it wasn't my fault, even if I was a pari, people would have found a fault. I began to diet, to walk, to exercise. At first, it was hard, I cried a lot. But then something best happened to me, books. Reading different stories, different lives and thoughts made me see myself in a different perspective. They made me realise that the ultimate goal is getting better day by day, which never ends. It made me different. In the beginning, I used to think people who could sleep in the mornings were lucky as they didn't have to walk, people who eat however much and not get fat are kissed by god(which I still do), and people who are skinny must be so happy. But no, now I feel morning walks are a blessing, mindful eating, meditation, and exercises are for everyone not just for the fat. Being fat is not wrong, staying may damage you. And no Fat people don't deserve any hate. Though some people may piss you, I still prefer being called Moti from my family, and friends. It's my favourite pet name, there is only pure love in it, no sarcasm and that is where I learnt that fat is an adjective, that's all. And one day, when I surprised everyone by fitting into a gown. I looked good and beautiful but I thought when this day would come, I would be so happy that I would jump around clapping my feet, screaming shouting, but no, I felt normal. Very normal. Because I never hated myself, most importantly I am liking the change in my lifestyle, the winning feeling, and peace so results don't matter anymore. I have a long way to become fit but yeah, I still feel pretty when I face the mirror, a face with a slightly hanging double chin yet beautiful. So beauty is in you, not your body.
P.S. - Dressing rooms don't scare me anymore. I can see inside-out changes there too.