THE ORIGIN OF A MINDSET SHIFT:

The phrase - “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” isn’t just the title of a popular self-help book by Joseph Nguyen that resonated deeply with me (and I am sure that will be the case for most people out there), it’s also a life- changing idea that has stuck with me ever since I first read it. This title is simple, yet powerful. It aims to remind us that our thoughts, no matter how convincing they may seem, aren’t necessarily always true.

Personally, this phrase struck a chord with me because I was someone who had always been afraid of confrontations. I would rather sit, think and imagine a million different scenarios in my head (most of which are indeed; negative) than go to the person, talk things out and get some inner clarity and peace. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as we make it in our own heads and not everyone has a negative opinion about us ( even if they do, Let them). These are the two things I learned very late and today I definitely want to make sure that everyone who is reading this does not have to go through, what I had to because, trust me, it is not only a waste of your own time and energy but it is also mentally extremely draining. It drains you to a point where you don’t even understand the complete logic behind what’s bothering you THIS badly. This one phrase shall help you and I question our inner narratives and while I do not claim to be an expert, I have to agree that I have seen significant progress in myself through this change and I am sure, so will you.

“Your mind is a powerful servant, but a dangerous master”- David Foster Wallace

Let’s dive deeper into what can be a really positive shift in mindset for us!

THOUGHTS VS. REALITY- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Our brains have the responsibility of drawing conclusions and interpreting all scenarios. No matter what is happening at the moment, our brain always makes it deeper for us and this degree of depth is different for different people. For example, if you are outside at a restaurant, waiting for a friend to come and the friend is an hour late- you can just assume that she might be late due to traffic or she might have left late or she might just want to ditch you and not join you for lunch. Who makes these conclusions for you? Your brain does. Instead of thinking that what your brain has interpreted is the truth, you can ask the friend and find out the reason. Here’s another catch- you might find out that she is late due to traffic and not because she wants to ditch you (that is what your brain said). Here, we can clearly spot the difference. We always think whatever our brain has reported to us is the ultimate truth but it isn’t the case; our brain is simply making assumptions on the basis of all available scenarios and we fail to believe that those can also be false.

Our thoughts are essentially shaped by our emotions, biases and past experiences, without a doubt.

If we are anxious, we may overthink a simple text and read negativity into it and if we are sad, we may end up seeing ourselves as worthless human beings and start assuming things won’t ever work out for the better. Just like wearing tinted sunglasses affect what we see, our emotions essentially tint our thoughts. The danger here is that our thoughts feel real and urgent, but they’re actually temporary reactions to how we feel- not to what is really happening.

Our brains have certain mental shortcuts- called cognitive biases- to make sense of the world quickly. But these shortcuts, more often than not, tend to distort the entire truth. So if we deep down believe that we’re not good enough then our mind will latch onto every mistake as “proof” despite the fact that others around us maybe very supportive and think of us as capable human beings.

Our past also has an exceedingly powerful impact on how we tend to interpret our present and our future as well. But the tricky part here is that we often don’t even realize it. If someone has betrayed our trust in the past and we did not see that coming at all, then we automatically start assuming that everyone else will do the same. But it isn’t always the case, right? Here, our past experience is making us interpret things which might not always be true. Our reactions are rooted in past pain but not in present truth. But our mind doesn’t always separate the two, due to which we have trust issues.

Thus, something that we need to understand and be clear about is that our THOUGHTS are not FACTS. They are just suggestions and not commands and by becoming aware of how our emotions, biases and past shape our thoughts; we gain the power to pause, reflect and definitely reframe!

However, we must remember that this awareness doesn’t end up silencing our thoughts- but it frees us from becoming trapped by them.

WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS:

In this section, we will try to learn how to detach ourselves completely from the inner critic that resides within us.

One of the most powerful mindset shifts that we can make is realizing the fact that we are not our thoughts- we are the ones observing them. Yes, if we think about it and notice our thoughts, then we tend not to be completely identical to them. There’s a quiet space between us and what our mind is essentially saying to us. And that spaces lies in our freedom.

We all have that inner voice- the one that criticizes, doubts and overanalyzes. It might even say “You’ll never be good enough”. My mind does that too. But we should remember that this voice feels like it knows the entire truth. But, in reality, it’s just a habit of thinking- one that was often formed from fear, insecurity or past conditioning. But that’s not the real us. The problem begins and explodes when we attach our whole identity and being to this inner critic and start feeling unworthy. Our thoughts can be wrong. And trust me, they are nothing but just repetitive noise and not an insight.

Detaching ourselves from our thoughts does not mean ignoring our thoughts. It means not automatically believing them. It means learning to watch them with curiosity, rather than reacting to them with a sense of fear or guilt within us. So, the next time we catch a harsh or negative thought, all we have to do is to the pause and say- “A thought is not a fact” or “There’s that thought again. That’s just my mind doing its own thing”. This small practice builds distance and stops us from becoming completely fused with every mental narrative that eats up our mental space. It gives us the space to respond more calmly and wisely. Moreover, it teaches us to RESPOND and not REACT.

We can’t always control the thoughts that keep coming in our mind, but we can choose which ones to feed, which ones to question and which ones to let pass like clouds in the sky. Once we start detaching from our thoughts, especially the negative or self-critical ones, we open up space to another voice- that is our inner wisdom, calm intuition and in short, our true self that has been missing all this while.

PRACTICAL TOOLS TO QUESTION OUR THOUGHTS:

Realizing that our thoughts aren’t always true is powerful- but what we do we actually have to do when our mind just won’t stop overanalyzing things? When self-doubt creeps in? When anxious thoughts feel louder than magic? This is where simple and intentional practices can help in creating a space between our thoughts and our sense of self. We don’t always need to shut our mind off but just learn how to listen to them differently.

Whenever a negative or anxious thought pops up, we will not argue with it or panic, but simply label it. Labeling the thought shall help us in creating distance. All we need to do is to remind ourselves: this is just a thought, not a truth. The next thing to do if we are completely consumed by this thought is to ask ourselves: Is there evidence for it, or is it just based on assumption or fear? Most of the times, we’ll realize that the thought is either exaggerated, distorted or based on old wounds. Once we see that, then that thought begins to lose its grip.

The next thing that we should do is to ground ourselves to the present moment, where problems don’t actually exist. This simple sensory reset can pull us out of our mind and back into our body (quite literally) where peace resides. We can further practice Mindfulness or Meditation. But we don’t need to sit cross-legged for an hour. We can just sit quietly for 2-5 minutes, close our eyes and focus on our breath. Whenever a thought comes in (trust me it 100% will), we will not question or fight it at all. All we will do is just notice the thought and gently bring our focus back to the breath. Over time, this practice shall strengthen the part of us that observes and not reacts. That’s were calmness lives!

Sometimes, thoughts swirl so fast in our minds that they feel very overwhelming to us. Writing them down can help us slow them down. This process helps in retraining our brains to respond in a wiser and kinder manner.

FINDING PEACE:

As we start noticing our thoughts, questioning them and creating space between us and our inner dialogue, something happens unexpectedly- we begin to feel lighter. Not because our life is suddenly perfect or our mind is always quiet-but because we have stopped holding on to every thought as if it were the truth.

Letting go isn’t about pushing our thoughts away or pretending like they don’t exist. It’s about accepting that thoughts will come and go and choosing to not grip them so tightly. We can think of thoughts like clouds passing through the sky- they form, float and fade. Some are stormy, some light and some persistent. But the sky- that is our awareness- stays untouched. When we realize that we don’t need to engage with every cloud, we stop chasing storms. That’s letting go.

There is peace in trusting that our thoughts don’t have the final word- we do. There exists relief in letting of the need to analyze, fix or control every single mental narrative. There’s clarity in just being, without necessarily chasing every “what if”.

We don’t need to fight our thoughts- we just need to stop following them.

A QUIET MIND IS INDEED A CALM MIND:

If there is one thing that this journey has personally taught me, it is -

Peace doesn’t come from fixing your thoughts, but from no longer fearing them.

We tend to spend so much of our lives inside our heads- judging, replaying, predicting. But somewhere, we forget that we are not our thoughts. We are just the space beneath them. We are the calm within them. This is the awareness that gets us to choose which ones we listen to and which ones we simply let pass!

I still catch myself spiralling. I still do have thoughts that whisper old fears or my insecurities, and I am not ashamed to admit that. But now, I know that I don’t necessarily have to start believing them. I don’t have to argue with them. I can just notice them, nod and keep walking the path of life.

Remember, just because we think something, it doesn’t mean that we are bound to carry it forward.

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