Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
But I tore down the pillars that held my heart in place
And searched every speck of dust that contaminated my soul
Yet, nobody came to save me.
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
But I sit alone in an empty room
As the omnipresent Lord continues to evade me
The only other presence is the blood on my hands
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
Is my home not held by the right pillars?
Does my garden not contain the right dust?
I beseech you, Perumal, why can you be everywhere but here?
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
The greatest lie ever told,
By the fish, the turtle, and the boar.
The lion never broke out of that pillar; it’s all just folklore.
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
I carry the burdens He should have relieved me of
From the moment I left the temple.
The prasadam sours in my mouth, contaminated by disbelief.
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
But how can I truly believe what I don’t see?
The Bhagavad Gita was recited to Arjuna; why not me?
So I retreated from the temple towards the one person who’d pull me out of the debris.
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
Or maybe He was on the other end of my call.
The person who grounded me, convinced me to stay; maybe He was there all along.
And the Bhagavad Gita I craved to hear came from the woman who begged me to be strong.
Thoonilum iruppan, thurumbilum iruppan
Even when the room felt empty
For the shattered glass on the floor that pricked my soul
Reflected his love in its entirety
Even when I couldn’t see
That Perumal had never truly left me.
Perumal is omnipresent. Even in a pillar. Even in a speck of dust.
. . .
Discus