Loneliness is the most dreaded word in the English language and the most pervasive disorder of our times. Psychiatrist David Jeremiah calls it a disease of the 20th and 21st centuries. Man is a social being. When God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone” So He created Eve as his companion. To avoid loneliness, God has set us in families.

Modern technology and the magic of social media, traps people in an impersonal cocoon. So much so, we have lost the desire to communicate with each other. It makes people unable to initiate or maintain stable and satisfying relationships. We may live shoulder to shoulder, yet be lonely. Loneliness reached epidemic proportions during the pandemic, even though connections were made through social media. Loneliness can invade the life of anyone whether literate or illiterate, rich or poor, of high or low social strata.

The causes of loneliness may be threefold – social, psychological or spiritual.

Socially, migration in search of jobs, or separation from loved ones or familiar places may lead to loneliness. There may be fear of strangers or reluctance to strike up friendships. Failure to attract people into their lives or failure to start relationships can lead to loneliness. Competitiveness and desire to move forward, may rob people of time to make friends.

Psychologically, a person may have suffered hurt in life and carry unhealed wounds. Such a person will not risk further exposure to hurt.

When someone suffers from a dirty conscience of guilt and is not able to forgive himself, he will withdraw from people due to his inability to assuage his guilt.

A poor self-image and insecurity and a fear of being snubbed, make people withdraw into themselves. A sense of inadequacy and an inferiority complex can act as a deterrent to friendships.

Spiritual emptiness and the inability to love one’s neighbour, hatred, anger or envy might isolate a person and eventually make him lonely. Depression is a result of loneliness and this leads to self-pity. Psychological problems are brought on by loneliness.

Self-pity causes loss of perspective and loss of personal touch. It may not only make one lonely but stir up suicidal tendencies.

Loneliness can be brought on by sorrow. People who are mourning the loss of their loved ones, want to be left alone. Poverty and disease can also cause loneliness.

Loneliness can come with old age if one has nobody to talk to or share their problems with. It makes them age faster. About 40% of people suffer from chronic loneliness.

There are three types of loneliness according to Jeffrey Young.

Transient. Everybody has such periods during one’s lifetime.

Situational – Divorce, separation, death or homelessness.

Thomas Neale was marooned on an island called Suwarrow. He lived alone for 10 years and died of stomach cancer.

Temporary – Withdrawal from communication and involvement with others. There are times when one wants to be alone.

Early saints renounced the world by entering into monasteries, to live away from the temptations of this world. A man called Simon Stylitis lived for a decade on a pole or stylo (a tall pillar.) He thought God urged him to build a tall pillar. For 36 years he lived on top of the stylo. He was pronounced a saint after his death.

Chronic – This is dangerous. Introverts bother about their own problems. May be due to damaging childhood relationships.

Blanche Monnier a French lady, had a cruel mother. When she wanted to marry a lawyer, it did not meet her mother Madame Minnier’s approval. So she was locked up in a tiny attic, and lived in squalor for 25 years. In 1901, an anonymous letter to the authorities brought about her release. She was found living in her own filth, and weighed a little more than

55 pounds (2.5kgs) From this prolonged isolation she became mentally deranged and died in 1913.

Loneliness can cause psychiatric disorders and mental breakdown, even illness and premature death.

Loneliness has no boundaries. Young or old, married or single, rich or poor, literate or illiterate. It is an island cutting one off from others. It leads to emotional stagnation.

The way to overcome loneliness is to analyse one’s problem and seek to remedy it. Make a list of all possible solutions and begin to apply them to your life. A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind eliminates loneliness. Recently there was a short article in the Times of India titled “Adulting can be a lonely business.” A woman shared her story of how difficult it was to make friends in fast-paced metros. She compared it to climbing a steep hill without a map. The diversity of metros can be isolating. Language barriers, differing social codes, packed schedules can make it hard to connect with people.

Medical research stresses the need for positive relationships. People whose lives are devoid of meaningful relationships are likely to have lower levels of health and are at greater risk to mental illness or even heart disease. We don’t need too many friends. Just one or two good friends will do. To avoid loneliness, we must intentionally involve ourselves in positive and healthy relationships. As John Oxenheim says, “Art thou lonely, oh my brother? Share thy little with another. Stretch a hand to one befriended, and thy loneliness has ended.”

People who avoid loneliness have a much lower risk of getting sick, and if they do become ill, they have a greater chance of quick recovery. To stay healthy, relationships matter. One must appreciate the power of human connections. Friendship is like a garden that must be watered daily. According to Edward Clarendon, “Friendship has the skill and observation of the best physician, the diligence and vigilance of the best nurse and the tenderness and patience of the best mother.”

Thomas Hughes says, 

“Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends. It involves many things. But above all, the power of going out of one’s self and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another.”

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