source: scary mommy

I don't know how this courage came up to me, to speak on this topic,

As I think I don't have those rights even to say because I am fat.
It all started when I was just in standard-I when no one wanted to sit beside me
just because I looked worst.
Ok, I didn't have that much knowledge about body shaming by people at that time.
So, I neglected them till I turned 9.

By that time some became my friends, just because I was fun for them.
They used to crack jokes on me,
I used to just laugh in awkward and say it's ok for "me".
So, one day at our school function there was the theme of

(By the way, I even love to act in skits.)
So, I asked my teacher can I do the role of Cinderella.
It was strange for me as my teachers laughed and said, it's the
Lead role, the girl should be beautiful and slim.

At that, I realized I was not beautiful just because I was fat.
So, no matter how your delivery of speech is, Cinderella is
supposed to be thin.
I was broken, for the first time, I felt disgusting about my body.
And then slim is beautiful that was all in my head.

As I grew older something 15-16, there was a new fad,
"relationship" oh what's this?
It's where girls and boys attract.
So, I was attracted to one boy,
I felt something very distinct about him.
Of course, it was not Love I realized it presently.
But I had a misconception that I could also have a boyfriend.
So, one day I confessed my feelings to him.
He was looking at me as if I was speaking something bizarre.
He said 'No', who wants to be the boyfriend of "Fatso" like you Yaar!
He left and I cried, for me being me.
This feeling broke me again for the second time.
Watching an emotional movie, I cried and grabbed some chocolates.
And now my weight was 95.
So, fat girls have no right to love, again I realized.

Now I was in college,
beautiful girls wearing beautiful dresses.
I tried to wear those tight jeans and a top,
the belly in was looking just like a big basketball.
Oh, God! Now I have started to judge myself.
Now I used baggy clothes so that my belly does not peek from the dress.

So, by the time I was aware that fat girls have no rights.
No main roles, nor love, neither the clothes of our choice.
On top of that some beautiful pet names: Fatso, Hippo, Bulky,
and so many that sometimes I even, forget what's my real name.

The only question arises,
Why body shame?
Why is this, that when a baby is chubby, called cute and bubbly?
And when the same baby grows up becomes ugly and called fat?
Now hardly these words matter to me,
because now I have nothing to lose,
except the weight.

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