Siddharth,

What should I write to you...what should I tell you!! Sometimes I remember your words and it brings a smile to my face. But when the good memories related to you are remembered, the painful things are remembered, and then the same old pain starts to bother me again. The wave of your bitter words again hits my throat and it becomes difficult to lower the bitter lump. I can't even take it out, can't take it down my throat. Just bear its bitterness like always so that you can easily forget those sweet memories of yours when bitterness comes over them.

How sweet were our talks on the phone every day, You singing my favorite song for me and that pinky blush on my face!! You used to make video calls to see that you could also see me like that and how you would fall asleep seeing me. How impatient I used to be to hear your intoxicating and loving voice, many a time when in the moving train would stop hearing your voice, I would become despondent and pray that the train would stop here and come online again so that I could see you. Even at night, I used to sleep listening to your voice because it was very dear to me.

I loved your affectionate nicknames and calls. Listening to your talk about that hostel day, it felt as if I was there with you too, because you would describe even a small thing in such a way that the scene unfolded in front of me. I was in love with those words of yours and...you settled in my heart when I saw you. Your frankness, your free laugh, and your voice cast such a spell on my mind that I was stuck in it.

Do you remember how much you used to miss your dear Tarak Mehta's episodes, I used to tell you that by taking the phone to the TV speaker. And how happy you would be then. We used to talk day and night, our college was different but we knew everything about whose lecture was going on. When we were preparing for the exam together, you used to wake me up in the middle of the night to complete my syllabus, don't you remember?? Then you used to crack some silly jokes and I would laugh out loud. Yes, I know, you used to do that just to make me not sleep. Siddharth, how much you used to care for me!!

You came to my city specially to give me a book...I know you came to see me. The rest of the book can also be sent by courier. But you traveled several hours to meet me and that too only for half an hour!! I came there after washing my hair and you kept looking at me without saying anything. When I called you with a pinch, you came out of a dream. I asked and said that you are so beautiful, I never knew that. I said that we had met once before but you were saying that you are looking more beautiful than then, I want to see you as long as possible. I loved your madness.

But then I didn't understand what happened to you, Siddharth...I felt love for you and I was very happy. I called you and said I love you....do you remember what you said then??? Or forgot?? How did you say that hey are you serious, this is not a lifelong relationship !! He said I don't deserve you...how?? So were you just passing the time with me? That feeling of yours, that care of yours was just to warm your heart? It was all for show...so say what you want. Why did you trap me in the wrong feelings...Why did you win my heart with those loving words? Why were you singing my favorite song if this was not a lifelong relationship? Why did he do this? Do you remember how much I begged you to give me a chance... to try to keep our relationship lifelong? But you didn't say anything, you didn't even feel ashamed that I would be hurt. You didn't even like to see my tears, you used to make me laugh when I wanted to cry. Then why did it make me cry today? What was missing in me that you did this... broke my heart into such pieces that I couldn't even put it back together. Many of my phone calls and messages were ignored even after seeing them.

Just the taste of your bitter memories of that time still lingers in my throat and I want to hate you for playing games with me. Yes, you didn't take any advantage of me, but you had no right to tamper with my feelings either. I let you guard my feelings and was asure that you will take care of me, give me lots of love in return. But it gave me an ocean of grief...I started drowning in it. But then I thought that you don't even deserve my hate so I got up again and started trying to swim in it. Today I swim far and don't get a chance to remember you.

But suddenly I remembered you while listening to a song and I was back in that time. But you still hasn't answered the question why did you do that?? Was it for a fun or was there some other reason?

From

Vaidehi.

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Note: This is a fictional letter that a broken-hearted lover writes to her lover!