“God’s words will never betray you”- says author Khaled Hosseini in his perfectly justified heartbreaking novel “A Thousand Splendid Suns”. But now it seems that nothing in this world is controlled by god. I guess he is sitting there and patiently waiting for his turn to take over his creation. Since I was a child, I had seen my parents saying that I should be grateful of the resources that I have because most people die in their absence. I never denied to that fact but also could not say that I myself was dealing with a perfectly molded life which is not crumbled from the edges. But they never understood. They wanted me to build their statues beside the statue of unity claiming that they are the one who gave me my best life. But how could I possibly do that when the reality is entirely different? 

The original story goes like this – “My parents have never understood my desires, they always called me useless, idiot, burden, ugly, and more than anything they kept reminding me that I am a girl. They never wanted to hear terms like wrong parenting and only knew how to get rude with words.” I have been living with them for 19 years now and one thing that I can say is that I like them, only because they still pay for my books.

Coming back to the hold of life. So people say god holds everything but do you know what actually holds this very colorful world? It is money, status, position, and caste. I myself didn’t believe this until I saw something that put an unhealed cut in me. I was coming back from the university. It was 15 January and by this, I mean that I was freezing. I had to go back home by myself because there was no one available to pick me up. So to my rescue, came the metro. But still, I had to walk as my home was a little far from the metro station. As I started to walk, all the possible overly imagined thoughts started to come to my mind. I was simply walking home but my mind was humming – “What if like now I am walking alone, I even die alone?”, “What if he never knew that I am dead and I still loved him?”, “What if I couldn’t earn on my own and had to be a housewife?”. And the very next moment I found that I was crying. I was crying thinking about something which is highly hypothetical and there’s no way these things can happen. Maybe this is why having a brain causes brain cancer because you put so much in it that it cannot process and also is absolutely trash. 

I kept walking and to remind, I even kept crying. When I reached the T point of the road I could hear a woman howling and weeping like someone asked her for one of her kidneys. I tried to look at her but she was covered with 8 people around her. Out of those 8, 5 were men who were discussing something like- “What do we have to do with him now?” and “Who will pay for him?” I moved a little forward and saw a dead body lying there. I did not see the whole of him but his legs, which were covered with a white fabric, were visible to me. And his head was in the woman’s lap who greeted me with her heart-wrenching cries. She was crying so hard that it scared my soul. I couldn’t think of anything and just walked toward my home like if I’ll look back I’ll be swallowed by a monster. I could see nothing but the road that was leading to my place. It took me 10 mins to reach and as soon as I was home I just ran to the washbasin to wash me up as if I had seen something impure. I don’t know where did it come from but I thought if I didn’t wash myself up, I’d be a sinner. It was there when I realized the most important lesson that compelled me to pen down this article. 1 month ago of that day, I lost my grandfather. It was most definitely one of the most impossible days for me to spend and witness. All around me, the noises of people crying were so loud that I couldn’t hear my own. I did not realize that I was crying loud until a lady turned to me and hugged me to console me. I don’t know who she was and also her hug was really formal and offered me no compassion. 

When my grandfather was brought home from the hospital, he was covered with 4 layers of clothes from head to toe but the guy I saw on the road was just in one layer and that too in January. My grandfather lay on a well-made sage of grass and blanket and then there was one more blanket over him to cover him but when I recalled the dead stranger, I remembered he was lying on the road corner and instead of a sage there a mat made by sewing 6 plastic bags. The day when baba (grandfather) died, the crowd almost blocked the whole main road. All of them just came to wish him a last goodbye. There were 20 mattresses bought for the guests to sit comfortably as it was freezing cold and in the other scenario, the dead body itself was lying on the floor, so what would they bring for the people around? Also, the fact is that there were only 8 people present for him. And in those 8 too only one was crying. 

The men there thought about who is going to pay from his cremation and the ladies were asking that one woman to cry slowly as people were watching. After everything, baba was taken on a sage decorated with garlands and everyone was touching his feet for the blessings for the last time. But I don’t even think if that stranger was cremated by his family or the government as they don’t ask for money. It is said that when someone dies, their soul remains there until you perform a ritual called Gayatri. And after you do it, they leave you forever and march on their journey toward eternal peace. But what makes you think that the stranger was blessed to have a Gayatri performed for him? Instead, his family was concerned about who is going to pay for his cremation. After Baba’s death around 2000 people visited him and when he was on a ventilator in the hospital no one in the family went for their work and everyone stayed there with him. But when the next day I went to the university there was sign of that stranger or anything there. It didn’t seem like yesterday only someone died at this place. Maybe he wasn’t important to people that much that they have to remember him for at least 1 day. All these differences were normal to my parents when I told them about it but for me, it was the biggest fact about this society we live in. And that fact is that until you have money and position everyone is going to be your admirer. 

So you better let people betray you but do not let your money betray you or you’ll lose the existence of yours. Baba was bid adieu with all love, sorrow, and respect because he came from a well-known family and had sons with fine jobs. He had money to be spent on his ventilator for 4 days and he had money to be invested for his after-death ritual. But the poor stranger was poor in all the possible ways. He was alive in poverty and even died with poverty. Maybe he didn’t have money for a good treatment like Baba. The people who came to visit us were served tea with cookies but I doubt if anyone was even aware that that stranger has died. All this is because he was poor and he has no right to ask for a respected farewell. This is why I think that god no more controls this world, but money does.

If you are rich or at least fine in monetary terms, your family knows you. As soon as you lose your wealth, you’ll be unknown to every loved ones of yours. I remember when I told my father that wouldn't write. Let it be poetry, books or articles. He replied that this unwanted and unestablished talent of mine is to be kept as a hobby as it doesn’t pay you well. I was really sad when he said it but now I think he wasn’t wrong. He was of course wrong about the establishment of writers but not about the importance of a well-paying job. 

There is no point in being overwhelmed to be born as humans because our death is still dancing in the hands of money. Maybe if I don’t earn well I’d also have to die the same way as the stranger. What if I don’t even get a cremation and they throw me in some sewer just because they don’t want to spend their precious money on me? I don’t want to die that way. When you start focusing on yourself and your money even love comes easy to you and when you give your everything to the people you love, they find it easy to abandon you. I think even my parents would throw me out if I didn’t get settled with my job and career and most definitely money. Our foremost truth is death and now death itself is a tragedy. I have no end to this thought and this article but for now I pray to god- “don’t let me die this bad”.

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