Consenting to take your breath away! She stood there, lonely and unsure of what she was looking forward to. It was a job, money and more certificates that proved her capabilities as a human being. There was no way she could measure emotions. Love for him wasn't a requirement of measure for the world she had stepped into. She didn't know where he was anymore. She didn't have the guts to call him or write to him. She had left everything to escape the noise. But the noise got trapped in her soul, in her head and was a lot louder than it was when she was with him, fighting for him to lead a simple life away from the norms. She stood at the edge of the big boat where she was with a few other strangers, probably asking themselves where they belonged in the midst of this huge universe. Down under in the land of great white sharks, blue whales and kangaroos, she wanted to explore the depths of the ocean. It wasn't more expensive than her life. That hollow, shamelessly empty life that she was leading by paying bills, satisfying the social pressures, corporate deadlines and pretending to be winning the world in all ways possible.
The dive instructor tapped her on the shoulder. He was a tall man who had married the ocean several years ago. Deep blue eyes like the water around them. The sand in his light brown hair reflected the shine of the sun. His skin hadn't known the pampering of clean, soft water and moisturizers for several decades for sure. He pushed his mid sized goldish, faded dreadlocks off his semi wrinkled face and asked if she was ready. He had worn a navy blue dive suit and had another one hanging off his hand. She didn't realize it was her turn to trust a complete stranger several feet under the ocean. She took a deep breath and nodded in confirmation. It wasn't the fear of the ocean. It was the fear that she would make it back alive to get back into the routine that looked perfect to the world she portrayed it to. She took the wet suit from him and headed towards the changing room.
After a royal struggle, she got herself inside it. She wasn't much of a tight clothes person and this just seemed way too obnoxious for her. She felt like it was too naked. Something she wasn't used to feeling. But no one cared. Everyone else looked like sardines too. The texture didn't feel very appealing to her either. She had always liked her soft cottons and salwar kameezes and then suddenly she was in this. It felt too strange but as they say, it's better to get Romanized in Rome than to roam around like a fish out of water. She smiled at him and he knew there was a lot of learning she had to do. It takes several years of accepting and then falling in love with your enemies to survive in hostile locations. In her mind, she wasn't sure if it was the weekend trip to the great barrier reef that was exciting or was it more about proving to the world that she could afford to do so. The price she paid for this was a huge heart break and no one heard the explosion. The dive instructor handed over a chain that was massive and heavy. The weight belt he said it was. This would help her stay down even if her body would do everything to push her back to the surface. She held it in her hand and it almost sank her in, into her depths of agony she had buried deep inside her. He helped her wear it and as he fastened it. He looked more like a Godly depiction of some saint who promised that he would keep her breathing till they get back to the surface.
All she wanted to do was to sit. It was becoming immensely impossible for the puny girl to carry that sort of weight. He was probably in his 50's or maybe older and had been there for centuries only to mysteriously appear to her in the middle of an ocean, so very far from anywhere she had been before. He then handed over the same kind of belt to another lady next to her. She was a Mongoloid with a thousand questions in an accent everyone was struggling to understand. She was probably talking in her mother tongue with a few English words thrown at it. Either way, it was understood that she was petrified; and this whole 'dive' thing was something she needed to do because it was a part of a massive wish list that she had to tick off before her existence was seized from this planet. Our princess, however, was smiling at the whole idea. She wasn't as nervous and had promised to never allow her deep emotions reach the surface by any means. She had become a pro at acting. She had a recurring dream of being on stage in an amphitheater, wearing a tiara accepting a shield of achievement. She woke up smiling but felt like a loser!
The sea guru brought oxygen cylinders for them to wear on their backs. That was another load beyond her ability to carry but he said that would be up her back like a backpack for a few seconds before jumping into the unknown world of the warm Australian waters. He then explained the instructions and sign languages that would be needed to know if they had to communicate deep down. The Mongoloid, she and the diver were a team for this scuba expedition. The plan was to go between 50 to 100 feet, have a look at the exotic sea life and take a few photographs. The instructions were simple. A few hand signs to convey difficulty of any kind and appreciation of the colors below. The only real important rule was to have the mask on at all times. He said it a few times that they may not take it seriously but the lungs won't live if the masks come off. Also because it was a slow descent into the depths, returning to the surface would require a gradual but steady progress too. Nothing under the ocean can happen too fast, except for breathlessness. They smiled and nodded. The instructor then handed over a legal document that stated that they were fit to dive and were taking all responsibilities for their life. She was reminded of several such consent forms she had signed with no moral interests in them but somehow her circumstances had forced her to abide by them.
They were ready! The instructor then suggested they do a trial to get hang of it before going deep under. The five to ten minutes in the warm water felt rather relaxing and entertaining. All that noise from tourists around, kids screaming while searching for their shoes, parents yelling out about bath towels, sunscreens and beach toys, the other instructors bombarding instructions in heavy Australian accents and party music, the gushing sounds of the ocean waves hitting the diver's platforms, those floppy scuba fins and the stench of the sea, sea creatures, wet dive suits, the gush of amusement from those who were getting back to the surface, photo sessions and everything else seamlessly disappeared the moment they dipped their heads under water. The body felt a sudden connection to its new environment, taking them in, as if it swallowed them whole. They rehearsed the scuba instructions and even tried to remove and wear the oxygen masks under water for practice in a dire situation. There were no fish or anything attractive around other than murky sandy sea water because it was so full of activity by humans!
They got back to the surface and spoke about any doubts of any kind. When they were finally ready for the real thing, the sea man did a final check on the weight belts, cylinders and suits. He said it was best to flip on your back to set off. That way the weight of the cylinder didn't feel too heavy and besides, physics somehow aligned the body to go belly down each time. They swam behind the instructor to get away from the chaos of the practice platform. Within a few seconds they were out there in the open. The world had changed. The sunlight was dancing its way in through the salty waves. Their bodies were swaying with the currents and the view was becoming spectacular with every single inch then went deeper. She saw her Mongoloid companion clinging on to the dive instructor with all her might. She had even locked him in with her feet, fins and all and was absolutely terror stricken! She on the other hand felt a strange connection with the water. It felt like she belonged there. It felt like she was home. The views were magical. Fish swimming right past her. Her fingers touched a few and they slipped by like they knew she was going to be there. They were going deeper and deeper and she could see the instructor becoming a better version of himself by helping his student gain the confidence she needed to unlock him from her leg lock and enjoy the experience. Gradually she did start accepting her journey into the reef. The corals were of all colors. Bright red and some blue. She hadn't imagined being there amongst all that. It felt like time had stopped and she didn't need to move any more. She was mesmerized and didn't notice how far her team had gone ahead.
Something happened. She never quite was able to understand. But it did feel like someone, an invisible power, the possibility of the divine giving her a glimpse of what seizing of life meant, knocked her oxygen mask off her mouth. She was, in a second, absolutely terrified. She did everything to grab it back but it went far, further away from her reach towards that bright sunlight looking back at her. The dancing waves and her mask against that surface light seemed just a few units off her reach. Those heavy belts were unapologetically pulling her down and so were the loaded oxygen cylinders. Her feet struggled to climb up an imaginary water staircase but was failing her completely. She didn't gulp any water and somehow was holding her breath but it seemed to her that this was it. She wasn't going to make it. It was simply not possible. She stopped trying. And stood still, probably sinking deeper by the second. She looked ahead and in the midst of broken coral reefs, obliviously swimming colorful fish were two people. Her instructor and the Mongoloid lady looked ahead and not towards her. She stretched her arm towards them but they too were far out of reach. Two people with their backs towards her.
For some strange reason, she smiled and one by one they appeared. Her sister, mum and dad. They looked like photographs with no expressions. Just like some sort of an RSVP routine thing. Of course the love there was pure but wonder what happened over the years and distances. But then, his face appeared to her. She knew it was him. She wasn’t expecting him to be there in that list of people. The flashes of those bike rides, moonlights, stars, beaches, hugs and kisses, they just flashed back to her. The incompleteness of a life she so desperately needed before this one could be completed. He looked upset with her that she had to leave him alone to prove to the world that she was strong enough to deal with their breakup. And there she was dying without a word or anything, no explanations or excuses. But he smiled back because he couldn't resist. He should be hating her and that was what she had told him to do too. She said it wasn’t possible for her parents to withstand the social obligations and peer pressure of accepting their love for each other as they weren’t employed or earning enough to sustain their lives. So she had told him that she was going to get married to the one who could oblige the requirements and the only thing she wanted in return was his hate for her. He hadn’t said anything back then but he wasn’t the kinds who would disappoint her. She had in years suspended all emotions that were attached to him but yet was so glad that at least she was able to see him. She hadn't seen him in so long. She had burnt his letters, roses and photographs and in her mind had committed sati into the raging flames. It was years since she had held him close. His brown eyes were all she needed. His face, that stubble and the light behind him. She was on her back by then moving away from everything alive in her.
And just then while her eyes almost closed forever in the warm waters of Australia, the blue ocean eyes were straight in front of her. The instructor, miraculously was staring back at her. He was scared for her life. She kept standing there, suspended in nothing like a little girl who had deliberately forgotten how to breath and was embarrassed because she was so close to closing her chapter forever and had rejoiced a little. He took off his own mask and placed it in her mouth like a father giving life to a child. She breathed a sigh of relief for him. He did a special water jump and grabbed her mask and in sign language told her that he would be exchanging their masks again. She wanted to tell him everything that happened. Her near death experience. She was crying in happiness but her promise to him that she would never say a word of how bad she ever felt was lost behind those thick water goggles. He had prepared her. He had said that whenever anyone asks her how she was, she would always say fine or good without pondering too much on emotions. It was like as if she had exchanged her emotions in return of his hate. That would be the only way they would be able to live through the years. His hate would do no harm to her and her elaborate expressions of emotions meant nothing to him. The fish seemed interested and like onlookers of their past waved a fin of blessing towards them. He exchanged the masks and for her it didn't mean panic at all. She kept looking at him with greed of wanting them to become brown eyes again. She knew that it had to be close to that moment when she would find him one more time. But it couldn't be induced. It had to catch her by surprise. Only then would she be able to see the face of the boy she had learned to love so tenderly.
The dive instructor in his sign language again suggested that the team retreats back to the surface. She shook her head and said she was fine to continue their dive. After a few moments, they noticed that the Mongoloid lady was swimming on her own. She was holding her hand too at times and was looking into her eyes with so much appreciation. She pointed towards the colorful fish and they built a strange yet familiar relationship where no words were needed to be heard or spoken. It had been a matter of life and death. It was love for a lost person, a sea wanderer and a mid aged woman with dreams that had started to bind them together. She nodded her head and wanted to say so much to them. The blue eyed man was swimming next to her. They explored the rest of the reef together as a team. But after about an hour when they reached the surface, no one said a word about the vulnerabilities they felt passing through their veins. It became a heroic story of how she survived the worst catastrophe. Her team, the other divers and tourists, friends and others clapped for her but she was celebrating a different kind of gift. Her eyes never saw the world the same way again. His face appeared whenever she needed to breath again. She knew he was always there. Just not in a way anyone would understand but he was with her at all times. She wore her cotton clothes again. Not salwar kameezes in Australia, but some summary tank top with a flowing skirt, revealing her slender body as sexily as it possibly could. She wore her jandals, hat and sunglasses and bought herself a huge pint of beer with some loaded cheese and bacon potato wedges, living the rest of her days as her last. She still wears the tiara in her dreams but it doesn’t matter about the losing or winning!