Imagine waking up to a sudden surge of bright light that blinds you for a moment. You find it hard to adjust to it because when you fell asleep, it was all dark. You try to navigate your way through the light and somehow miss the comforting darkness.

Comforting. Yes.

Aren’t we all a little too comfortable with darkness? Don’t we all feel that somehow it allows you to be you and doesn’t expose the parts you desperately want to hide?

However, let us not digress from the light, shall we?

The light…

You cannot find words enough to describe what you see; or rather what you cannot. It seems to close in on you from every possible sides and you stand there, helpless, still trying to adjust your eyes to its celestial shine.

Suddenly, when you least expected, you are no more blinded by it. Your eyes open wide on its own accord, and you stand transfixed.

What do you think you’ll see?

Well, let me tell you what I saw.

I saw serenity and might.

I saw strength along with a subtle delicate beauty. Paradox much? Well, it doesn’t just end there. What I saw was a white so pristine that made me believe in the divine creation of the Creator. Not that I was a non believer before, but what I saw stirred something so deep in me which I never knew existed.

I saw the clear blue sky juxtaposed with the whites- a reflection so pure in the cool Chandrabhaga river.

Oh the river!

What a music it seemed to create. I saw the steady flow of its water and heard the harmony it seemed to hum. Slowly, very slowly, I inched my way to sit by it. To listen just a little bit more closely.

And I heard.

I heard the song that filled the parts of my heart I never knew was empty. Oh how I seemed to fly without wings. Oh how I felt a sudden sense of calm and tranquillity. A simply touch of its coolness and all my dreams seemed to come alive. Oh, how different the reflection of my visage seemed…I wondered if its actually me or someone I never thought I was?

While I sat there, the white light engulfing me in its cool embrace, something ironically warm trickled down my cheeks. The sudden heat sent a jolt of realisation that I was not in a dream. My senses seemed to have come back to life, telling me that its all real. And a pain which I had submerged deep within the ocean of my soul, found its anchor again. And this time, I let it sail.

Oh what a beautiful ride it was. Cathartic to say the least. And all this while the strong, cool arms held me with all the warmth and love that I never knew my soul craved for. I was often told about a moment in life when you find yourself. I was told that it’s a moment of release and acceptance..a moment when you make peace with yourself. What nobody told me was that it also comes in the form of a blinding whiteness- so magnificent and Elysian.

I found myself when I thought I was lost. I found myself by the Chandrabhaga, in a moment of tacenda. I found myself staring at the selcouth mountains, so white and unblended. I found myself in the warm embrace of the cool breeze which filled my being with an aliferous joy. And I flew.

I found myself in the lap of Sisu, one afternoon. 

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