If you are suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, then this article will help you resonate with your daily struggles and maybe the voice inside your brain will find its other companions. We all know that OCD is a mental health condition revolving around a debilitating cycle that grips the human body and refuses to let go. It torments the human soul to the extent that a person deviates from normal functioning and pursues a completely different lifestyle as a coping mechanism.
This piece of writing is not about ranting about the methodologies for recovery; the causes and symptoms; or why it happens to people. This article is about OCD from the eyes of a sufferer…
I am a good person…I am a good person… I am a good person… oh Another day!!! Oh god! This anxiety never leaves my body and curses those Fluvoxamine tablets! Ok! It’s normal and it is all under control. Let’s go outside and start this day with a bang! But what if I am a threat to society? What if I am not good enough? What if I am like Hitler or worse? They will write a thesis about me, and I will be on the cover of every YouTube video, they will call me “The worst human to walk this planet” No! No! Why would that happen? I have not done anything wrong! I am a benevolent soul with altruistic intentions. I am a 21st Century woman with dreams and hopes…Ok? You are listening? You OCD crap of a voice inside my skull? I am a strong woman, and I will not succumb to your wrath and monstrosity! I will go out and work. For your kind information, I just won the employee of the month award in my company. So, let’s go!
Ok, so I have reached the metro and now I just must board this train for an hour…That’s completely normal and I can easily do that… Not a big deal Ok let’s go again…
Ohh fuck! I am on my period, but have I kept some extra sanitary products? Let me check… OK! They are in my bag, and it is alright but what if there is a stain on my back? Let me check again…but how? I don’t have a mirror or companion… It’s fine… It’s all fine!
I am wearing dark-colored jeans and I did check it at home, there was nothing to worry about…
Oh wow! A seat! I got a seat but wait… There is this man behind me… What if he wants that seat too? And then he might think that I got it just because I am a woman…No! No! I can stand it!
Hell yeah! I will stand but what if he sees my period stain? But is there any stain? No, there is no stain! But how do you know? What if he takes a picture and uploads it online? No…No…He looks like a modest and earnest fellow! Take a hold of yourself woman and decide! You wanna sit or not?????
Damn! Another lady took it! Damn it! Were you cursing that woman? No…No… I was just cursing the situation
What if you were cursing that woman… Oh, you are so nasty and evil… I am not and shut up…Shut up… you evil voice…
Relax…relax… it has been happening for 24 years, and you have two kids and a successful career, don’t worry…It’s just your anxiety…chill!
Wait, you just said that person behind you was kind of cute… You filthy sex addict! You like that guy, and you are cheating on your man… No! I am not! I did not even do anything… I just said he looks cute, but it does not mean anything in the wrong way…
Oh, Why is this thought giving me anxiety? Am I a bad person? Should I text my husband? Should I tell him that I committed a sin? Will he understand? What If he does not believe me and leaves me or divorces me? But I earn more than him, I can take care of myself and the kids on my own! So you don’t love him? You are being boastful about your achievements! No, I am not! I am not even thinking about it…
Ohhh this voice inside my fu…head…
Ok, that is my station…gotta go now…...
Ok, so I have reached my office, and I am checking in the building…everything seems ok and fine…got to grab that cappuccino and some sugar….
Ok, so I am now working on this client's deliverables and I must finish them on time… What if I write something horrendous or heinous to the clients? Oh, what if the whole project is taken away from me? Due to my mental health condition? What if they all find out that I have OCD? No! No! They won’t! They won’t
So are you ashamed of your illness?
No, I am not!’
You think you are a psychopath, so are you calling all mental health patients mad? Your grandmother was schizophrenic… so is she a lunatic or like idk….
You are such a witch! I am not and let me work! Go away…… check that email again, you stupid witch! You must have written something vile to your manager’s daughter… wait…
Let me prove to you that I HAVE NOT WRITTEN ANYTHING BAD…
See, I have proofread the entire email, I have not done anything bad…let me just send it to him… but wait, should I? What if there is a mistake? Let me check it for the 99th time…NO! No! My therapist told me to break the cycle… I won’t perform any physical compulsions… let me just send it….
You are a disgrace to the entire women's community because you can’t even fight for yourself…why did you not take that seat? Why are you here? Oh… I don’t even give a heck what the hell is happening in my brain…
Hey Rita, how are you? Oh, your son’s picture was looking so adorable, I think he is 3, right? Hey! Why did you compliment her child? What if she thinks bad of you? What if she judges you? What if she misinterprets you? What if she thinks you are a bad person? Her child was looking beautiful. In what way are you saying that…You witch!
You can’t win OCD…you are just a voice, and all these are your tricks to destroy my life but I won’t let you do it!
I completed my education in Economics, I am the VP of my company… I gave birth to two amazing human beings…
I have done everything, and I will do more…
You are just a voice that is simply ego-dystonic…
I know you will come again after some time, but I am always prepared for you!
Fuck you OCD Voice….
OCD wants me to stay inside my house and destroy my life. It wants me to create a safe cushion around my life but that is the paradox. OCD itself is the threat, but it tries to trick me!
It wants me to be sad. It is like a dementor that is feeding on my happiness and sanity, but I won’t let this monster win, EVER!!!!!