FIRST LOVE
The first love often known as the purest of the pure forms of love. This love is the first time a person experiencing vulnerability and getting comfortable with the complexity of it. The first love often soothing but almost never complete. It is an unwritten poem asking to be finished but the time is long gone. This love breaks and makes it teaches and trains. This love however is not the only one.
SECOND LOVE
The second love, the love no one talks about the first second chance life allows us to give ourselves. The second love often more intense and mature the one that lives and feeds of hope. Hope is an important aspect of love of course, but also of second chance. The second love creeps on you slowly gently with and then with a bam! It’s here now. But the question stands, will you let it stay, will you let it breathe or kill it before it’s existence is known to the whole world. There are no’s so many no’s what if’s and the most important of it all, am I really allowed this again. You know love by now, you know the complexity of it you know the peaceful and fond vulnerability that lies, but you also know the cruel, cold heart that vulnerability forces you to live with. So choose and make the choice now all of it the pain, the peace the comfort, the ripping apart of your soul all of it can you make this choice again?
FINAL CHOICE
I-I-I love him. Courage it was the foolish courage love brings with it, it took over me all of it consumed me in all of it’s big gulps. He was there in the pain, he was safe, he protected, he understood, that is love right. He loves me too, it has to be. How can it be otherwise, we breathe together at the same pace in our rhythm. We breathe together, one day it will be for each other. I will wait, I will help him, he must do it, he loves me, his action says that. No, no, no I am not mistaken, it must be, it cannot be a no, I took the chance, I made the choice. I will make him love me, he is in pain now. I-I-I will soothe it.
FOOLISH!!!
I don’t love you. But stay please stay I like it. Do those things for me, but do not expect me to let you love me. You come as I please and are blocked at convenience. Second chance, must only be for you, what about me? I can’t, I won’t, I am not capable, but don’t go or do, I won’t stop you. But-but if I call you will you pick up?
PLEASE
Let me love you, let my chance be allowed to breathe. Okay, okay you don’t have to love me back. Let me stay at your feet, I will be quite. I love you why don’t you get it? I can’t loose you, they all left but you stayed then. You are meant to stay with me. It is not just you or just me it was us, in the dark now my light come to light with me. Let me in, hold me back, I am here, your light, the meaning to yourself. Let this love bloom if not into us then you, just you will do. But let this bloom, I beg you.
JOKE
You stayed. Ok I am here, help now. I am waking up, weren’t you there once crept away with me? I woke up look at me. You are proud? Why are you so nice? Stop being nice, you will get hurt. Take those rose coloured glasses off. No, I rose myself. I helped you wake but you stay asleep. Stop being nice and pathetic. There is no use in telling you. See how I have risen, I was down for too long. You are so funny claiming your seconds, nothing it means nothing. It is rather funny, your so called second, she would agree with me. Stop being nice, your second is pathetic. Look I have risen without anyone.
HUMILIATE
Yes, how beautiful you look, risen. So I was a joke, a mockery. Just an instrument to poke fun at. Stop, no it can’t be, you will not do this to me. You are light, are you not my light then. It was her’s always her’s. I was a joke to crack and woo her. I only wanted to see you watch the light and move away, but my second was lost. I am nice, I will be nice, I have to be, I a cursed. You were my light, you were my way. I can’t be wrong, just a joke, I shall leave then.
ABANDON
Second love! Joke, such slander one was doomed to be buried. I dare to pull it out of course the roots will bite back at me. You are the light now, stay safe. You were beautiful, weren’t you all those words you didn’t mean, you were hurt. I hurt you, I pushed the second, sorry, sorry. I love you just be safe. I’ll leave now, woo her. I abandon you, I will be the bad guy so bloom like a flower.
AFTERMATH
He was safe, right?
No.
But he said those things, he cared?
No.
He didn’t want me to leave, he mourns me, right?
No.
What did he do?
He cursed you and you lived it.
Why would he?
Because he could, and he choose to.
Did he love me?
He wasn’t capable.
Did I love him?
Yes.
Will I get back?
Might not, but sure try.
Was he the light?
Sometimes, yes he shined like he yearned.
Was I a joke?
A big one.
Was it a lie?
For him yes.
Is it forgivable?
No.
What if I choose to?
Don’t.
But I might let go of him that way, right?
You might, but what if you don’t?
I will.
I forgive you.