Johnny Relevant was sleeping in his bed on the floor in his apartment after supper after his contract expired and he returned Hyderabad. He got some low paying temporary jobs and most of his time was spent in applying for some vacancies he found in newspapers. He realized that experience does not count much as only freshers have a chance of finding a job in the market.

It was only 930 in the night and he could clearly hear the TV in the hall. Then he sensed a reptile slithering on the calf of his right foot. He was not afraid but only curious about it. As the snake slid on his calf, it suddenly bit him. He could sense venom entering his body and life ebbing away. It was a pleasant experience while it lasted, then he woke up and came into the hall where his daughter was watching TV. He said, “I had a terrible experience.” His daughter asked “What was it about? “He replied “I was bitten by a snake in bed just now.” She was thoughtful and kept quiet.

He was certain that a momentous event had taken place but didn’t know what it was. He sat before the computer and began searching the answer to this mysterious event. Different religions gave different versions and none had a satisfactory answer. According to some it was a good omen and some it was not so.

Then his daughter who is a crypto psychic said “your power to earn money is taken away. In the Bible heel is the support system on which your very being is based.” That was the real meaning of the attack as he applied for hundreds of ads got selected for some only to be dropped out next day for no apparent reason. There was no money to pay rent and whatever they got by tuition fees was used up to buy provisions. A spirit of suicide was hovering over him. His daughter and her mom were cursing him for not earning any money and told him that he is better off dead than be a parasite feeding off their earnings.

He was planning to end it all leaving them to their fates but that is exactly what A team was planning; murder by suicide. After he departs from this world wolves of both A and B team will have a field day torturing them but God put him in charge of their lives and commanded to protect them at all costs. So he was hanging on to life ignoring the insults as he believed in his visions shown during meditation.

He sought refuge in Christianity but was disappointed as none of the verses manifested. No amount of fasting, praying, paying tithes and confessing brought about any change. On a visit to YMCA to attend a sermon by a supposedly powerful preacher to listen to the usual bombastic prophesies that never manifest.

One gentleman whose son playing in the basketball court met him and advised him to meet a swami at an ashram between Kalwakurthy and Nagarkurnool about 100 kilometers s from the city.

He collected some money and boarded the bus one early morning. After changing over to another bus at Kalwakurthy, he boarded another bus to Nagarkurnool and after half an hour later he reached the ashram. The ashram turned out to be a serene place half a kilometer away from the main road. As he made his way by walk towards the ashram, he knew the B team must be on his tail. They never give up and trying to monitor his movements even to the toilet and the purpose in not known. He is on a higher level of undesirables on their list and they don’t give up on watching wherever he goes. One visit to the local police station on 11th Sep 1996 set the whole security apparatus tailing him ever since.

A team set up a honey trap in the form of a waiter’s daughter who went on claiming to have an affair with JR and to spend all his free time at their shack. He only causally chatted with her on the way to get an auto to go to bus stand that too only once and didn’t even know her name. The angel warned not to react whatever might be the provocation. Once he talks to her the matter goes beyond his power as the petite Greek goddess planted by A team is actually the devil in disguise.

While walking by the dirt road to the ashram, JR felt that this is the best location in case B team decided to take a hit and finish him off in a fake encounter. After intense surveillance for 20 years, they could not get anything incriminating and they were desperate to find the missing link to Osama Bin Laden due to his mentor. His spiritual godfather who happened to be a Muslim from a wayside town of WADI on the border with Karnataka state.

The swami turned out to be a middle aged lady who is reputed to be on fast for the last 30 years not taking even a drop of water. Before entering the ashram one has to take bath at a well away from the ashram and leave footwear outside the compound. The swami sits on a throne every week first dispensing holy water in one queue. Later she sits on the throne answering queries of the devotees. Each devotee gets hardly one minute to present his or case but even that is not really necessary as the swami herself tells them their problems and solution too and just standing in her presence is sufficient for her make her prophecies.

After observing the formalities Johnny joined the queue and his turn came after waiting for 12 hours. Such is the crowd every week.

As he stood in her presence, she said “Lakhs of rupees of your money was stolen by witchcraft and your lower abdomen was crushed. You were killed twice but God raised you from death both times. And he is trying very hard to kill you again.” Swami was referring to one incident on the night of 17th Dec 2015 when one hand, just a hand up to the wrist, crawled on to the thigh and touched his testicles. In the morning, while taking bath, he noticed that the testicles had turned into pouches filled with water.

He requested the swami to bless with a job to which swami told him to visit again next Friday. He collected the holy water and returned home and immediately there was a teaching assignment from a rich family which kept the home kitchen fires burning.

After this relief, he went to pray for a job several times as promised but no job came his way He sensed someone tailing him. While during one visit, he sensed something sinister was in the air. One rooky cop in plain clothes followed him after he alighted from the rural bus.

While accosting he said, “Do you know that I am following you right from your first visit?” JR didn’t answer and went on walking towards the ashram. The cop in plain clothes said” This is the fifth time I am following you”.

JR ignored him and went on walking. “The rooky cop paused and it looked like he was expecting him to run. He then looked towards the bus stop and made some secret gestures with his hands. It was as if he had some back up and they both were getting ready to pounce on and overpower him in case JR start to run.

JR didn’t find any reason to run and kept on walking. Finally the rooky cop got disappointed and went back to join the backup sleuth.

After several visits to the ashram, JR failed to get any job and he was hopeful about the power of the swami to bless him with a job. Then once again he chose to visit the ashram.

It was a no darshan day as it was scheduled for the weekend and it was only Monday. The ashram was deserted and he found a place to sleep. A phone call came at around midnight from an unknown number and he called back. No one responded.

He knew the B team stalking him and it looked like they are going for the final solution that night after continuous surveillance for 20 years. Johnny Relevant was glad that all that silly surveillance is coming to an end one way or the other and eagerly looking forward for the ‘encounter.” He knew there was a hit squad out in the darkness and would finish him off before dawn. And he was glad for the B team as finally they would get some reward for all the hard work taken up last twenty years. They must at least get some Mahavir Chakra and accelerated promotions for all that hard work they have put up in protecting the country.

He was relieved that in few hours he is going to meet Jesus and other gods and discuss all their failed prophesies. The wait is over, he was grateful for B team for sending him on this final journey and those gentlemen richly deserve rewards for all the hard work they have put up for more than twenty years.

As the ashram was deserted, he easily found a place to sleep and kept his bag on the cobbled floor and went to rest.

He heard a sound like a machine gun fire and he was standing before a bright light. JR realized he is standing before the All Embracing Light.

Then he spoke. He said “God, I am here. I am grateful for all the angels you sent to save me right from getting me out of the encirclement at my work place. I am here to plead for the case of B team who mounted nonstop surveillance for twenty years for the noble cause of defending the country, sparing no expenditure or not lacking any effort.

God asked “How did happen”?

JR replied “the woman you gave me disobeyed the commandment of your angel not to speak to the honey trap planted by A team. She had a running battle with that devil in disguise who was threatening to get me arrested by police. I did not understand on what grounds. Now cops of all shades from CBI to SBI are baying for my blood.”

God said “I have heard it before.”

“Yes my Lord, the disobedience of Eve brought about the downfall of humanity.

“Your angel saved my daughter from kidnap, rape, torture and death on her way to college when he warned about the plans of A team. I honored your angel’s words and did not send her to regular college in spite of the great ruckus created by her mom. You blessed my obedience and praised me as ‘The David who snatched the lamb from the teeth of Lion’. But the stupid bitches go on nagging about not sending her to regular college and destroying her career. Had I ignored your angel’s warning, she would be dead by now which they don’t realize.

“And they planted an item girl as a rich and innocent divorcee in the marriage bureau I was visiting. Your angel saved me from ‘that marriage’ at the last minute from that deadly informer, Naxalites, spy or freelancer I am not sure what she was.

God asked, “What is an item girl?”

He replied’ Lord, an item girl is the answer to all the fantasies of an average male. But in this case she serves only cops as I saw her hobnobbing with cops in a restaurant at Shankar mutt”

“Lord as I believed to be a genuine divorcee in all my naiveté, I took her to my native place to meet my mother. That was when she flared up for no apparent reason which made me suspect her antecedents. She refused to meet my mom and I felt something is not right. A woman of shady character is terrified of meeting a housewife because only females can see through whatever façade the other one is putting up. It is a female thing. Her handlers did a lousy job of training her “After returning to the city I was tricked by the matrimony agency to marry that rich and innocent divorcee but just three days before that “marriage” your angel Ruknuddin Khalkamkhar warned me over phone that she was neither divorced nor rich and her husband is very much alive. Her husband would come after me and my life would be terrible with both B team and naxals baying for my blood. He also warned me that B team had taken secret photos of me with her for future use. I am alive till now only due to the guidance of your angel.

“This B team has stolen video games, watch and other toys of my kid kept in the window sill, all part of their sacred duty of defending the country. They also planted an n unknown SIM in my shirt pocket in a crowded city bus. They can teach a trick or two to many agencies in the Dirty Tricks Department.

God asked “How does it work”?

“Lord just by inserting that SIM in my phone would automatically make me a member of some secret gang controlled by B team. Fortunately you gave me sense not to attempt such a thing.

JR went on “Lord they opened a dossier on my daughter when she was six years old and I took her along to the police station when the bitch started it all ran away instead of defending me. Twenty years later when I sent her to college, they harassed and threatened her to drop out of college. Our goddess took her revenge by getting those thugs placed under suspension. But I am disappointed with their mere suspension.

God said “What do you want me to do? Blow them up in a land mine blast? They won’t be able to connect the dots and get enlightened.”

JR: You could have get them a custodial death to meet ends of justice” and continued” I am seething with rage for making her drop out of college and forfeit the fees”.

God: Look my friend, I know my Law. I understand your pain. Besides they seem to have got enlightened and not harassing your people anymore. We will review it again in case they start any hanky-panky.

God asked “Why didn’t you take that offer of transfer to MD’s office as proposed by your GM”

JR replied “God, are you kidding? Can you imagine the ramifications? It might be the most sought after posting for a potential spy to steal all those “secrets”. They would have intensified surveillance to find what secrets I might be stealing and might have invented something to finish me off. So I decided to quit once and for all and take the rough road. One angel warned me that my 12 year old daughter would be taken into custody and subjected to third degree treatment if I continued in that job. So I decided to quit and take the rough road. Besides life would have become worthless once my child returns from that third degree treatment. I would have committed suicide unable to bear the third degree treatment given to my daughter.”

“However even after quitting that job, the surveillance intensified and I was told that I left the job to take up my guru’s assignment “

God asked “what might that be?’

“The security establishment suspected that my guru, Ruknuddin Khalkamkhar was running a terror module and asked me to join his group. I was offered a pay of Rupees 40 thousand for each successful hit; I got the exact figure from a medium. His Muslim name automatically made him a suspect and I am also not sure of his denomination. He used to tell me to worship Hanuman and visit Thrupathi for darshan of Lord Balaji. He was anything but a Wahhabi terrorist.”

“Anyway you can’t send me back to earth,” I said.

God answered “Why not” Johnny said “Because my body is riddled with holes like a rag with bullets when they emptied their magazines of SLRs and their carbines. And nobody can stitch it back.

God said “Do you really think so? I am sending you back now.” And he pushed him down to earth. Then he felt like he was falling down from a great height and someone shaking him. He came back to his senses and saw one attendant of the ashram shaking him violently. “Get up” he said “swami wants to talk to you.”

He woke up groggy realizing the sound of gunfire he heard was only his snoring. He went and stood in front of the swami.

The Swami asked “Did you come alone?”

He replied “Yes swami” Swami said “Next time don’t come alone. Do you understand?”

It is clear the swami has seen with his divine vision the hit squad out there in the dark forest beyond the ashram.

Johnny nodded and came back to his place to sleep. His phone rang and the time was 1:30 AM. He picked up to answer an unknown number. There was silence at the other end and nobody answered. Again he called back and there was no answer. Then he got an idea. Better to end all this charade and be done with it once for all.

Slowly he gathered his belongings and packed his bag. He came out of the ashram and found his footwear out of the very few as the ashram was deserted that day. He started walking towards the bus stop and he knew no bus will run till 6.30 in the morning. That gives B team plenty of time to finish their task and plant any incriminating “evidence”. While walking he saw in the dim light of distant mercury vapor lamps, a snake about to cross the path. He stood still allowing it to pass. But it seems to have changed its mind and turned back.

In the distance, he could sense shadowy figures lurking beyond some bushes and proceeded towards them. At 300 yards from the bushes he stopped knowing that the killing range of SLR 7.62 mm round is about the same. In the dim light of the distant mercury vapor lamps, he would make an excellent silhouette that the hit squad could not miss.

Then he shouted “fire”! There was deafening silence from that end and he moved another 100 yards and shouted “hey m*a K*y *udey fire” which when loosely translated into Hyderabad Deccani means “You mot**r fu**ers, fire”.

There was another deafening silence and suddenly a Toyota vehicle zoomed out of darkness towards the highway with great speed. He stood there in silence watching a fast disappearing vehicle in the dark.

JR walked to the bus stop, found a bench and lay down waiting for the first bus which usually comes at 6.30 in the morning. No one called him on the phone and he had fitful sleep on the cold stone bench the rest of the night. The first bus came at 6; 30 AM in the morning and he reached Hyderabad by 10.00 AM

Again he went to the ashram next week for B team to complete their unfinished task and again warned swami not to come alone. Stubbornly he went some more times and finally the swami banished him forever and warned him never to come again under any circumstances.

The much eagerly awaited ‘encounter’ never took place much to the disappointment of Johnny Relevant. Then President visited the city but they seemed to have ignored him not calling in the middle of the night. There was a train derailment, a bank robbery, faction murders in his native district and Trump’s daughter too visited the city but the B team ignored him during all those interesting times not bothering to keep an eye on him. The Republic Days and Independence Days also came and went with B team ignoring him altogether.

Earlier, during his visit to Calcutta on his way to Assam, whatever number he called used to get a standard response “West Bengal police” amusing him to no end. But in the last visit to Tarapeeeth, WB police didn’t bother him. Which means enlightenment reached them also.

Finally, all seem to have got enlightened and understood that Johnny Relevant is a small time crook only and not capable of momentous achievements in their favorite field of terrorism.

But JR never understood till now what made the hit squad come out of their burrows and run for their lives on the day of “Encounter”!

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