Growing up, you thought your dad was the greatest guy on the planet, your superhero right? So how come, all of a sudden, you can't relate to him? So in this context, I am trying to give a few tips to understand this special relationship. It probably will be helpful to you. (Especially for Girls)

He's watching you grow up and he's worried that he won't be able to protect you. Your dad was once your age and he knows how guys think and act around girls. It doesn't mean your dad doesn't trust you when he says 'NO'. He just knows that when he was a teen, he wouldn't have trusted himself in certain situations. He's also afraid of other stuff he sees on the news: car wrecks, kidnappings, gangs and all that. Obviously, he becomes afraid. Just like you don't always understand your dad, there are times when he can't relate to you either.

Talk logical!

Girls naturally talk about their feelings and fathers don't understand why. Males talk in order to solve problems, while females talk because they want to improve their relationship. It is advised that you talk to your dad about facts and logical reasons instead of discussing emotions. If you disagree with your father about something, carefully choose your words. If you immediately oppose a man, he'll get defensive. First, acknowledge to your father that you heard him, and then gently state your opinion.

Listen First!

This method improves the odds. Your father will listen to your opinion since you showed that you listened to him. Your dad says your new best friend Avni is a troublemaker, but you know that he's wrong! Here's a right way and a wrong way to get your point across:

• Wrong: You don't even know her! You're so judgemental! (This type of statement insults your dad, and his hurt feelings will block further communication.)
• Right: I understand that the way Avni wears her hair and some of her clothes makes her look like a troublemaker. Most people are surprised when they find out she's doing so well in her studies. (This type of statement tells your dad that you've heard him, and gives a logical reason why he reconsiders his views about Avni.)

THE MANY SIDES OF YOUR DAD

Maybe you've noticed that your dad is in several different moods. In that way, he's just like everybody else. Here are some ways to recognise the different sides of your dad, and how to deal with him if he's in a difficult mood. 

Overprotective Dad - Situation:

Your friends are going to a new action movie Friday night, and want you to join them. Your dad says "NO way, it's too violent." 

Solution: 

The first step is negotiating. Try to understand where the other person is coming from, instead of getting angry with him ask him some questions (without throwing a major attitude of course) "Could you tell more about the violence in this movie?" "Is this movie more violent than the shows we watch on TV?" and "What are your concerns about me seeing the violence?" Once your dad realises that you are open-minded and willing to listen to his ideas on the subject, he'll be more apt to have a give-and-take discussion with you. 

FURIOUS DAD - Situation:

Your dad is yelling at you for something you've done. 

Solution: 

Don't get in a screaming match with him. It won't do any good, and it may even intensify that feuding. Instead, look him in the eye while he's yelling and try to keep a calm, cool head (maybe think about something else.) until there's a break and then ask for permission to leave the room, promising to continue the discussion later. He'll probably agree to this, and your cool, calm demeanour will make him feel a little embarrassed for yelling( though he may not admit it or apologize right away.) Then go in your room or outside and process your feelings. You probably feel hurt, angry, misunderstood or betrayed. Don't swallow your feelings, or try to deny them - denying feelings can only make you feel worse! Helpful hint- write your feelings in a journal and get all your emotions out.

Situation:

Your dad's been drinking, and it has made him obstinate and angry.

Solution:

No one not even a professional negotiator, wins arguments with an intoxicated person. A person who has been drinking doesn't respond to logic and alcohol can fuel a bad temper. Wait until he's sober to talk with him. If you think your dad may have a drinking problem, try talking to an adult you trust or look into getting information about living with an alcoholic.

Distracted Dad:

You need to ask your dad a question, but his head is buried in the newspaper and you can't seem to get his attention. Sometimes dads get so busy or preoccupied that their kids can end up feeling abandoned or even unloved. Of course, there are many reasons why your dad might be distracted.

He may be worried about something, like money or his job. He could be having trouble sleeping at night, and feel extra tired. He may be bored with his job, he may be retreating into his own world, to work out a problem. He may think he's interacting with you just by sitting in the same room with you. 

BOTTOM LINE: 

Try not to take your dad's distracted demeanour personally. However, if you feel that he's not giving you enough attention say something like "I really miss talking and being with you" then, follow up with a concrete, definite plan - "Could we go to the school/ college football game together next Saturday afternoon?".

GROUCHY DAD

Sometimes, your dad acts like a total grump. What gives? First, there are a million things that put adults in a bad mood. So don't automatically assume that he's angry with you. The work world is harsh. But sometimes dads don't realise that they sound angry or grouchy to their families. It's just because he's been in a tough, stressful, work world all day. 

Situation:

You and your best friend are getting ready to go for shopping, when your dad demands that you finish your chores - now! You think he's been unreasonable, and want to wait until after your shopping. 

Solution: 

First size up the situation. If your dad is in a bad mood, arguing will do not be good. Next, see if he'll compromise, could you finish one chore now and do the other later? Your friend will probably be glad to help you. Keep the whole situation on a light note, if you argue or cry, your friend will probably want to leave and everyone's likely to feel bad. That's it for now... See you!

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