Introduction
Home is where the heart is. It is the first place where children are socialized into gender norms, values and stereotypes; a place where our foundation as human beings is laid. Family is the basic social institution that procreates and nurtures human beings. When we think of the term “family”, we draw a certain image in our mind of a mother as the homemaker, and a father as the working man. This paper focuses on the meaning of patriarchy and how patriarchy begins at home. It also highlights its construction within the family. Around the world, families are on the front lines of the struggle for gender equality - and can be “make or break” for women and girls when it comes to achieving their rights. They can be places of love and support, but too often are spaces where women’s and girls’ rights are violated and their voices stifled. This paper mainly focuses on how the role of the family as a mini-society perpetuates gender inequality.
Patriarchy as a system of Dominance
The literal meaning of the word ‘Patriarchy’ is ‘the rule of the father’. It comes from the Greek word ‘Patriarches’ which means chief of a race. Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege, and control of property. The sociologist Sylvia Walby defines patriarchy as “a system of social structures and practices in which men dominate, oppress, and exploit women”. The works of Aristotle portrayed women as morally, intellectually, and physically inferior to men; saw women as the property of men; claimed that women's role in society was to reproduce and to serve men in the household; and saw male domination of women as natural and virtuous.
According to the Feminist Theory, patriarchy is the main cause of women's oppression. Shulamith Firestone, a radical-libertarian feminist, defines patriarchy as a system of oppression of women. Firestone believes that patriarchy is caused by the biological inequalities between women and men, e.g. that women bear children, while men do not. Firestone writes that patriarchal ideologies support the oppression of women.
According to the UN, India ranks as number 127 in the Gender Inequality Index Rank. This number reflects inequality between women and men in three different dimensions: reproductive health (maternal mortality ratio and adolescent birth rate), empowerment (share of parliamentary seats held by women and share of the population with at least some secondary education), and labour market participation (labour force participation rate). India is often characterized as a patriarchal society due to the influence of cultural and religious factors that have shaped gender norms and power dynamics. These factors play a significant role in perpetuating patriarchy in the country. Women are often expected to prioritize family and domestic responsibilities, while men are seen as the primary decision-makers and breadwinners. These norms played a crucial role in shaping gender relations, perpetuating inequalities, and limiting opportunities for women.
Religious texts, such as Manusmriti, Quran and the Bible ,which are highly influential in Indian society, often contain patriarchal rules and regulations. These texts were predominantly written by men, reflecting their perspective and positions of authority. Consequently, religious teachings and practices have contributed to the reinforcement of gender disparities and patriarchal ideologies.
Ignition of Patriarchy
Men cannot cry, women must look pretty. We are continuously exposed to uncountable numbers of normalised sexism. Like- ‘girls run like a girl’. We are all victims of a patriarchal society, some just suffer more than others. Most of the parental behaviours, like speaking, playing, teaching, caretaking and other social activities remain influenced by the gender of the child. Sons are trained for bread-winning roles while girls are generally directed towards household chores. Thus household dynamics further advance gender-role expectations. When a parent encourages a male child to be brave, hide emotions, and retaliate, the child grows into an aggressive and dominating human being. At the same time when parents direct a female child towards being a nurturant and care-taking machine of the household. The irony is that even children’s toy selection is significantly related to sex-typing, like, girls being given dolls and kitchen-toys and boys being led towards sports equipment. Both parents consciously or subconsciously encourage gender-typed roles among their children. By choosing their children’s activities and blocking their natural tendencies parents directly teach their children gender-typed behaviours, roles and occupations.
Right from the day when a girl is born, she is being realised that she is inferior to her male counterparts and has to compromise on all the decisions of her life. Be it her father, brother, husband, or a male relative, she has to keep her voice low at all the family occasions and is not allowed to express her emotions loudly and enthusiastically. She has to adjust herself according to the environment that her family prefers and at times, has to give up on her dreams in order to fulfil their expectations. If she is found fighting off the cultural taboos and overcoming her intrinsic fears, she has to face criticism not only from the society but also from her family members.
In a male-dominated society, a girl feels nothing less than a burden upon her family or perhaps someone who always brings misery from the day she acquires her existence. Considering a girl as a "burden", parents often want to marry her at a very early age due to societal pressure and under the pretext of "discharging their responsibilities on time" without letting the girl complete her education and attain enough maturity. The curse of dowry has also made them dispose of her in marriage as early as possible. Contrarily, this is not the case for a male child. With having a son in parallel, parents feel more blessed and are found to invest happily on him because they think he will support the family and will bring money.
Exploring its construction within the family
Each member in a family setting has a very specific role to play as a part of the family. Most often, the role is defined by an individual’s gender and society’s idea of gender identity. Gender roles and setting gendered expectations begin at home, creating patriarchal codes of conduct for each individual within the family. Children don’t inherit intellectual differences. They learn them. They are merely the outcome of what they are expected to be. The first lesson of Patriarchy (Gender stereotype) is learned in the family. For example - A boy child is considered as the inheritor of the family where as girl child is considered as parayadhan. Most of the families are patrilineal and patrilocal in nature. Hence, the girl child is accorded a lower status. Family is responsible for primary socialisation with respect to gender stereotyping. Hence, the Family acts as the agent of cultural reproduction rather than social change.
Family is itself a part of society and is not free from the societal norms and habits, guided by religious practices, religious text, cultural aspects, historical guidance, political sphere and economic reason. Some solid reasons for the construction of patriarchy at home have been explored below which is more or less the core reason to build the girl as a girl and the boy as a boy.
History plays an important role in shaping any society through its previous memory and conduct, in the tribal era women were to keep the household work and males were nurtured since the beginning like they were only made for hunting and other outside works. This practice is still continued till present date although we have withdrawn ourselves from that needy era of such practices. Family honour killing and Jauhar were part of such practice that women should not be to be in the open society. The United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) estimates that the annual worldwide number of honour killings is as high as 5,000 women and girls. This tremoring history not only shows the real mirror but also reflects the bitter truth of history.
In many religious teachings across a wide range of religions, women are given the role of nurturing, caring and giving birth. While these roles are presented positively and as essential, they reinforce the gender norms in society and the patriarchal power structures. If women choose not to conform to gender stereotypes, they are not only deviating from gender norms and family expectations but deviating from God’s will too. Men have been dominant as recipients, interpreters and transmitters of divine messages, while women have largely remained passive receivers of teachings and ardent practitioners of religious rituals. If patriarchy is the social normal, it is largely because it derives its legitimacy from religion, the most important rule book pertaining to societal do’s-and-don’ts in any family because of community guidelines. Patriarchal construction of social practices is legitimised by religion and religious institutions as most practices regard male authority as superior. The laws and norms regarding family, marriage, divorce, and inheritance are often biased against women. Simon de Beauvoir commented-"Religion is not only an instrument of oppression but also deception".
The role of culture within the family to construct patriarchy is a complex and multifaceted issue. This pattern is consistent with nuclear families as well, who reside in comparatively urban areas, as they are instilled with similar Indian values that encourage them to maintain strong connections with their extended families, highlights that patriarchal ideology perpetuates inequitable power dynamics within Indian society, which adds up to a single person (mostly the father/provider) being the “leader” of the family, who gets to enjoy a veto power for any and all decisions that the members of the family make. Patriarchal cultural institutions, including media, religion, and education, produce representations of women within a patriarchal gaze, which influences women’s identities and prescribes acceptable standards of behaviour and action.
Non-compliance with the anti-patriarchal laws has not been accepted by the society and ultimately by the family because of loosing dominance or command over the women which is considered under the protection of male one. Although women have equal rights under the law to own property and receive equal inheritance rights, yet in practice, women are at a disadvantage. The Hindu Succession Act of 2005 provides equal inheritance rights to ancestral and jointly owned property, the law is weakly enforced, here men hold authority over female family members and inherit property & title. It is the custom where inheritance passes from father to son, women move in with the husband & his family upon marriage & marriages include a bride price or dowry. Women have less authority than men to legal recognition and protection, as well as lower access to public knowledge and information, and less decision-making power both within and outside the home.
According to the Constitution of India, both men and women are equal in the eyes of the laws and hence they have equal rights. But, unfortunately, legal & political bias has prevented the law to attain the success of equality in gender. This is another reason for inequality in gender.
In several cases, women themselves pass gender inequality and patriarchial approach to the next generation and they are ignorant about this notion that once they were also subject to it and due to influential support from the male member of the family they are practising this biased practice. Less participation in decision-making makes them vulnerable in establishing a neutral approach in the family and they think it as their destiny and happily accept it.
Another the most bitter truth of the family is that most of the time,the close members of the family are indulged in molestation, rape and other sexual offences against the female members, especially girls minors, and handicapped female members. These offences are not outlined outside the family because of fear of family honour and social stigma. Roughly 81% of women and 35% of men who experience sexual abuse have long-term mental health impacts, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As per the NCRB data, in 2020, a total of 28.9% of the total child
population faced some kind of crime against them but only 65.6% of the total crime committed is reported. Most of them were committed by a known person of the victim.
Lack of psychological support from the family members leads towards their exclusion from the family’s sympatric surroundings, Teenage girls face a lot of physical and psychological changes. But they can share any problem with none but can share only female members in their family. And most of the time mothers and sisters don't have sufficient knowledge about it. So, girls can’t maintain proper regulation in that crucial time. In adolescent time, girls suffer from depression, tiredness, anxiety and fear. But nobody gives them any priority. The period is another hidden topic in our country. A girl can’t share with any male person even her father. It’s considered to be so shameful and girls always maintain privacy with carefulness in their conscious minds.
Conclusion
We all discuss how to overcome patriarchy in the workplace, in politics, in educational institutions, and in social settings. However, the most harmful form of patriarchal control is found in families, where it is frequently disregarded as "personal matters." Therefore, it is the responsibility of empowered women to challenge that control and create a new standard, as well as to mentor other women in the family who wish to pursue empowerment. Saying "no" is an essential skill for any fight against patriarchy, at home or abroad. Say "no" to anything that is blatantly patriarchal and to everything parents pressure to believe in, dressing a particular way only because society says so, or suppressing aspirations to conform to patriarchal conventions.
The reason why parents impose patriarchy at home is that they too have been oppressed by it. They inherited it from their parents to raise the boys and girls differently. Until your parents identify the ways patriarchy has dictated their lives, they cannot understand why there is a need to bring a change. Ask your mother if she had some dreams that remained unfulfilled and why were so. Was it because her parents didn't allow it? Or does her in-laws restrict her? Why didn't she speak up? Would she want her daughter to remain silent like she (her mother) was expected to? Not only mothers but also know about fathers' life also and help them understand that patriarchy is not a norm; it is an enforced ideology based on power relations. And we as free humans have the right to have our own plans.
There's a chance one may injure loved ones if she challenges patriarchy at home. Misunderstandings, disputes, and confrontations ensue, frequently resulting in an impenetrable rift between the family. Furthermore, a confused family represents a significant obstacle in the effort to overthrow the patriarchy. So take time and think about the situation, your partner's or parents' background, and your own ideas. When they are pressured to think or act incorrectly, don't respond angrily. Refuse without sacrificing affection and regard for parents. Recall that it is rather hard to relearn what have grown up with. One can't expect partners or parents to suddenly adopt different opinions. Give them time to comprehend and take time while explaining.