Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash
The most well-thought-out advice provided to women of this generation seems to be, "Have a baby when you are ready to raise one." But nobody discusses how to get there. One has to prepare for pregnancy only when one is ready financially, emotionally, and physically, as feminist discourses remind us. But due to your "ticking biological clock," this has to be done in a hurry. There was always pressure on women to bear children.
But the "biological clock," of course, is an age-old patriarchal construct meant to compel women into parenthood. In her article "The Foul Reign of the Biological Clock," Moira Weigel describes how Richard Cohen invented the self-styled women's "biological clock" in the late 1970s in his column "The Clock is Ticking for the Career Woman," and that it is a metaphor and not an actual biological device. Within months, businesswomen everywhere were stalked by the "clock." In humour, one psychiatrist even gave the diagnosis of "withering womb syndrome" to working women who have no children.
Women's bodies inevitably are meant for bearing children, even if they are dressed up in trouser suits. The biological clock story is a tale of science and sexism, of how gender stereotypes can influence scientific inquiry and how scientific advancements can be exploited for sexist ends. Let's examine how this metaphor influenced our perceptions of women: Women were encouraged to become mothers through discussions about the "biological clock." According to the metaphor, women who were mothers and competed with males in the workplace would be at a disadvantage. Women's fertility determines the limitations and disadvantages of being a woman.
Terms such as "the biological clock" tend to be perceived as objective accounts of facts regarding the human body rather than as metaphors at all. The biological clock is a metaphor which is as more a product of culture as it is of nature. Moreover, it was also a cultural antidote to the effects of women's independence. I belong to a generation of women whose mothers became mothers at the age of 25 or 30 and whose grandmothers gave birth at the age of 16 or 17. My grandmother has dedicated her life to taking care of her kids and cooking. My mother, on the other hand, had the "double privilege" of being a working mother, which allowed her to take care of her kids, the kitchen, and her job. It finally struck me that they never lived for themselves.
But as a woman in this century, with the whole world at my fingertips, I know that it is not selfish to put my own needs first, seek self-growth, and see the world. I know that women worldwide have tasted freedom in this generation and it's difficult to let go of. Also, the question is, "Is it worth giving up everything for a baby?"
A study of 770 European women's likelihood of becoming pregnant was released in Obstetrics & Gynecology in 2004. According to the study, 82% of women aged 35 to 39 who had sex at least twice a week were pregnant within one year, compared with 86% of women aged 27 to 34. This fertility rate was about the same as that for women in their late 20s and early 30s. Fertility and Sterility published a 2013 report based on tracking 2820 women in Denmark through their efforts to conceive. Compared with 84% of 20-34-year-old women, 78% of women aged 35-40 got pregnant in one year from engaging in sexual activity during fertile time. Scientific studies show that fertility does not decrease until the age of forty.
If women decide to try both motherhood and their careers, say, they can use a babysitter or desire their mother-in-law or mother to take care of the child. This also adds to the exploitation of poor women in the guise of taking on caregiving roles. Moreover, many working mothers cannot afford the money needed to engage a domestic helper. Moreover, mothers and mothers-in-law possess rigid beliefs that encompass, among others, disciplining your time, habits, parenting styles, and body gradually. To shape their opinions, become self-sufficient, and be shamelessly themselves, most women have fought against such belief systems. A lot of inner conflict, humiliation, cornering, and isolation were all involved in the fight. The process was never easy.
I realize that motherhood in this patriarchal society is even more challenging and might lead to further disputes. Besides, one also wonders whether the situation at the workplace will alter if a woman gives birth. Yes. All of a sudden after childbirth, the notion of balancing work and motherhood becomes a hindrance to the organisation; 's growth and once a woman who was a strong resource, now becomes a sense of vulnerability. Many questions converted with fluff are often directed towards married women on whether or not they plan on getting pregnant have been directed to them in most of the interviews. Women are left with no means to balance employment and parenthood within a country such as India, where only a limited portion of public and private enterprises still provide maternity leaves.
Since I am aware of how important parenting can be, I have always been interested in discussions on mental health. Despite the time and effort required, parenting serves as a remedy for many mental health issues. The decision to become a parent in India is still also motivated only by FOMO or the self-serving question, "Who will take care of me when I am old?" Additionally, many women are toxically pushed to pursue motherhood by the belief that having a baby is an accomplishment since they believe that social approval is essential. It is also because they don't have anyone in their immediate circle to look up to, watch, or learn from to understand how a childless lady manages her life. This eventually results in deciding to become a mother which does not align with a woman’s values and circumstances.
No matter what gender, no flexible work hours, paid parental leave, or safe and affordable childcare are available in our country. The fallacy of not delaying the embrace of motherhood because your biological clock is running is yelling the self-destructive cycle of women putting themselves last and succumbing to the patriarchal norms and timelines. The decision of whether or not to become a parent is strictly your own and how much you are willing to sacrifice or set aside your own goals. One will always be confused unless you do not reflect and look within. I want you to remember that there is never a perfect time to be a parent. It is when you are ready and when you genuinely want to embrace the beauty of motherhood and it aligns with your current values and circumstance. Do not let the patriarchal stance of the biological clock running let you think otherwise.