Oh, act like you don't care! Don't show emotions or else you will be deemed uncool, don't smile too loud, be silent about your victories, don't be so passionate about the things you love, don't text first, don't reach out first, play hard to get- oh, and the list goes on. 

The new trend of being the mysterious black cat is the propaganda I am not falling for, don't get me wrong, it is not something I am against or hold my grudge against. I truly believe if you are authentically like that, there is nothing wrong with being that way, but for all the ones who are yappers and the ones who fill the room with love and light, this trend just invalidates their existence.

Social media is, for one, an amazing influence and the toxic friend that gets us to drink and drive and then cause a road accident. It is how we choose to see it, how much we let the external voices displaying their lifestyles on the gram and fixating on the perfectionism of their life, like the everyday outfits they wear, encompass us into thinking that is the only way to live life. For one who does not like to follow the clean girl aesthetic, wake up, go to the gym, eat your vitamins and be a super productive and hyperactive girlie. Or at least one tries to and miserably fails. I know I did, because it is not humanly possible. To hold your shit togehter for 24 hours every day, every week.

There are days when I hold my productivity, grinding mind all intact while balancing maturity, balance, socialisation and confidence all together. But these days are like finding the safety pin to secure life in a box full of hay, even while the sun shines. They are rare to come by, and the truth is most of us have more off days than we have days filled with hope and sunshine. It cannot rain unicorns and rainbows all the time. 

Digitalisation of the commonality of our mundane routines has forged us into being this predefined stance of perfect, nonchalant, unreactive, hustling and mysterious mortal creations who cannot be weak. Invincibility is a myth that can only be true if we had the secrets of the heavens and the prowess of immortality.

But we don't, don't we? I too, tried all these trends, like being mysterious, not smiling too much, not talking too much, staying silent about my next move, not sharing my wins, not being joyful about the things that make me happy, not texting first, and ghosting people right, left, centre. But let's be real- I failed and I happily failed. Truth be told- if I had been like that- the person who does not care, the person who does not ask the other person if you are okay or not, if I know you seem down or ask you how you were, I would have been fine. Which I was not- because I smile at people who gallantly smile at me, I check upon people, I donot like to play mind games of who is in control of the ballgame of our conversation and I cannot help but be vocal about the things that bring me joy and that I am super proud of.

I am not an oversharer, but I am also definitely not the mysterious girl. I am as chalant as someone can get, I want to care about the things that make me passionate, I want to dance with fire when something sets my soul ablaze with joy, I want people to reciprocate the same energy I bring to the table and if they dont, I know they dont deserve a seat in my life. I want to ride the wind, and I want to cry too, when things get heavy. Because if everyone started to not care about the ones around them, how sad and dooming would the world be! And no, I don't have dreams of changing the world or summoning other people to be like how I am. I just know that I am the light because that is who I authentically am, and I embrace it with every ounce of my heart and the deepest part of my soul. I don't need others to validate my existence or give me the recognition of being the master of their nonchalant games.

After my tears dried from crying and wailing repeatedly, I wanted and yearned to become heartless because of the sudden departure of the people I thought would be in my life forever, the loss of the things that meant the most to me, failures that left me in perplexing situations, and words spoken out of the depths of cruelty. It's far simpler to be indifferent and empathetic toward those around you than to strive to comprehend their suffering and then be treated like a piece of tissue that is utilised until it reaches its breaking point and then thrown away. 

Often overburdened with informational paradoxes, we often tend to forget who we truly are. And sometimes people, places, situations, traumatic memories and trends make us forget it too. So here I am questioning the norms that were placed and owning who I am- a deep, complex, loving, chalant, passionate, opinionated, caring and aware being who falls in love with fictional characters and cries when something bad happens to her dear imaginative soul of the yarn she lives in.

I hope this post reminds you to be who you truly are, not who you are deemed to be or not who you think you should be, influenced by the outside noise.

Boisterous, exquisite,
refined and full of light that dives deep into poetry,
For I am passionate and fierce,
and as chalant as one gets to be.

I hope you let yourself be whoever you are at your core,
To dance at the rhythm of your own music,
to let your dreams rise and soar.

.    .    .