It’s been precisely more than 3 months I’ve been a victim of pessimism. Being surrounded by negative thoughts every day I woke up felt like a hammer constantly hitting my head. The shocking part is that it was ME, MYSELF who was the only harshest critic on the choices and decisions I made or the constant inferiority I felt because of how incapable I was to not pace up with the world around me. I’ve been really hard on myself since few months and developed a complete opposite mindset of how I previously used to view my life.

I never was a person who feared taking decisions or used to overthink before even starting anything. I was an adventurous person who saw the bright side of every random situation I experienced. I used to enjoy the process of taking new steps, exploring tough situations and finding solutions. I did criticize myself for every step I took just to stay humble but I never compared my decision or my story to anyone around. The best part of it of all was I never let anyone’s opinion being imposed on me but now I let even a small joke affect me which tears me into ‘n’ number of pieces every time. I’ve become a person who needs constant assurance on how I hold potential too and I’m capable too and it’s all in my mind.

My 20’s are eating up my brain and I’ve lost the power of creativity or optimism. I do not know where I belong or what I was made for? This phase feels like I want to do and achieve so many things all at once. It feels like life has me put me on gunpoint and I need to do things quickly or else life would punish me. Especially being a woman in her 20’s feels so much pressure. We aim to grow in our career, fulfill our responsibilities, find our soulmate and have a beautiful family. In my case, I’ve been surrounded with the most wonderful women whether it be family or friends. And it definitely feels like an innate responsibility to make them proud by being the best version of myself.

I developed a passion for ‘writing’ after the loss of my beloved grandmother. In fact, my first poetry was dedicated to her. I never thought of the after-process of losing your closest companion. Due to constant overthinking and negative thoughts, my past bandages were being ripped off and it all felt like a roller coaster of emotions. I still didn’t give up writing. Scribbling my emotions on several papers turned out to be my coping mechanism like before. I tried attending various webinars to manage stress and to develop an optimistic mindset. This time I realized neither my brain nor my body was ready to take a complete 180 degree turn to solve my issues.

I later realized that the first step I need to take is to accept my current situation and try solving it without taking note of how others experienced it . Every individual in this entire world might take similar paths but respective successes and failures are different for different individuals. We all have got our own journeys to experience and reflect upon. These circumstances have also detached me spiritually from my religion. I had nothing but complaints to share with the Almighty and it felt wrong to some extent. I asked God why’d He do this to me and not grant my wishes immediately. Turns out I was wrong.

A few days back I visited the hospital for my routine checkup. I could see various patients and their families going through different tedious situations. When I tried to compare my situation with the rest present over there, it felt like my pain was negligible. But the willpower of them was so much greater than mine. And then at that very moment, my mother recites the following quote - “How petty is the mind of a human? From far he looks and fails to notice the pain of the thorns by being blindfolded with the beauty of the rose flower.” Every person at some stage experiences something harsh but the ability to view that harsh situation I.e the ability to see light through the gloomiest of situations doesn’t solve things but definitely makes things better.

I believe in the beauty of letting it be and seeing light through the darkest of tunnels. While having an optimistic mindset, it’s also necessary for us to simultaneously work on things and not lose hope. We might not achieve things sooner or never ever but in the end our determination, optimism and hard work will give us magical outcomes.

You need not look for happiness outside or around. Happiness is YOU. You decide what makes you happy. To attain the level of maturity we all desire, it’s a must for us to go through the hardest of times. This is LIFE. Whether it be 20’s, 30’s or 60’s; age is just a number. Sometimes a 5-year-old has greater maturity and understanding than a 30-year-old. We all go through a variety of situations in the market called “LIFE.” Our mindset, our skills and determination decide where we stand.

The medium of comparison can be used to fuel our passion to achieve greater things in life but the medium of comparison should not be used to ignite the fire of jealousy and pessimism.

As the famous quote states - “Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons and best days give memories. Today with courage, I say that - ‘I’ll know why things happened the way they did and why I didn’t get what I desired back then but I’ll not lose hope and be kind to myself.’ It’s just patience I need to learn and criticism I need to endure.

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