Who has to cook, a Man or a Woman?

Who has to cook, a man or a woman?

There is never ever going to be the right or perfect answer to this question. This article is not biased towards women nor men either. Before trying to understand the probable answer to this, let’s look into the question from all possible aspects without bias or prejudice towards any gender.

First of all, cooking is a basic survival skill, not a gender-based job, anybody can be a great cook if they enjoy cooking if a man cooks, he doesn’t become any less manly nor a woman becomes the servant of her own family if she cooks for them, however, I am not saying a housewife should not cook or not cook nor I am saying a husband working outside should not help his wife who is a housewife or should not cook once in a while if he gets time.

Before moving forward, I would like to suggest, kindly do not come to any conclusion or feel I am biased before reading the complete article.

If we look deep down into the history of this question, let’s say from the time of the Stone Age till the modern age, most women were dedicated to household chores only and taking care of children etc and the work which required to go out in the hot Sun and other heavy stuff used to be taken care by men. Because both of their bodies have been made differently for different responsibilities. Women cannot stay under the hot Sun for a longer time compared to Men cause their skin is made by God in such a way that it just cannot take the impact of the Sun for a long time. Let’s say the creams for tanning have not found yet, I am kidding.

Also, there was less security for Women in the olden days and were most vulnerable to falling prey to sexual crimes. God has made Man and Woman different physically, mentally and emotionally.

Remember when I said Women were limited to household chores and taking care of the children, I am not undermining a housewife or counting the housewife’s role any less than the role of a Husband or her job at home is not important as the husband or it’s of low value or very easy.

Whether a Woman working outside of the house or whether she has a big fancy post in a big corporate company or not, Job of a house wife is even much harder, you take any job in the world, you have assigned working hours, assigned timing for breaks, weekends offs, special holidays or festivals, maternity leaves for Women, paternity leaves for Men too in some companies and other leaves etc, infact you have retirement age as well for all the Jobs of the world which is pre decided based on whether we will able to continue working after crossing a certain age but for a house wife none of those things exist as such, she works 365 days of the year and 7 days a week, that’s 24/7 throughout the year, year by year, year by year, like forever, a young house wife when the kids are toddlers, she has to forget sleep sometimes for days and take care of the kids 24/7 tirelessly and take care of the household chores at the same time even though having sleepless nights, till kids reach certain age and even after reaching a certain age where they can take care of themselves, Woman never stops caring for her children, even if the husband helps her sometimes, they cannot be there for her always, and most of the times wife’s do not bother the husband who is already exhausted from the office work. Housewife has to prepare food for the family even at weekends, festivals, and holidays and take care of the other household chores etc all the time no matter which day or time of the week, even if the husband or kids help once in a while, they may not be available all the time. Most importantly we forget that she does not have a retirement age like other Jobs, she works tirelessly to take care of the family till death sets her apart from her beloved family. That’s why it’s been said that Women can make or break a Family and housewives are called homemakers nowadays because they really make the home what it is. They have the power to bring all the family together under one umbrella of love, a skill given by God only to Women.

Few days back I saw a wonderful staged video of an interview for the Job.

Video starts like there are a bunch of men and women both joining on a Zoom call together who have applied for a particular Job, the responsibilities of the Job were not explained to them yet. So, the interviewer explains the responsibilities for them in the Zoom call.

No breaks
24/7, 365 days working
Has to wake up early morning before anybody else
Has to work for others
Individual time almost zero
No food on time
Sleepless nights for days most of the times
No leaves
Has to do the work standing most of the times
No appreciation for the effort put in
Have to bear humiliation sometimes
Most important point to be noted is no salary for the Job.

Everybody in the Zoom call were like, What no Salary? How is that possible? Who would be willing to work for such a role?

The interviewer smiled and said we already have people working for the role.

All the men and women were like no way, is that kind of role really there and if it’s there, who would be willing to work?

The interviewer smiled again and said yes, we have that position filled up and we have full-time working candidates for such a role and the name of the role is “Mom”.

All the men and Women giggled after learning the point of that interview.

That video was staged but things mentioned in the video are 100% true.

We also talked in the beginning about how the bodies and skin of men and women are made differently to handle physical and mental pressure. Infact God has designed men to be able to do all the heavy-duty work of the world which requires physical strength and little manly ego.

Remember when I am talking about physical strength, I am not saying women are weak, I am just saying that even though Men have been made physically a little stronger than Women for the purpose of toiling under the Sun, Women are stronger than Men mentally and emotionally.

Even though Men seem stronger by appearance, mentally and emotionally they are a lot weaker than Women.

God might not have given Women biceps but their thinking, ability, multitasking capability and presence of mind are just outstanding, even under the pressure. Men can nowhere come close to them in that thing.

Few days back I saw a standup comedy video by a comedian called Amit Tandon, I don’t exactly remember the video content but in one of the parts of the video I remember he jokes that while handling any tough situation or argument, Man will be like when we roll the dice, let the dice hit 6, please, please, please, While Men are stuck at ludo, Women might be already playing chess in their mind while handling things.

Even though earlier it was not easy for Women to go out in the Sun or it was not safe either, hats off to Women of today who have beaten the natural odds of working under the Sun as well as Men and many are even working in big positions at giant corporations and proved there nothing that Women cannot do and proved their Job is not about just bringing a new life into the world.

However, like I said earlier still Job of a housewife is still much harder than a working Woman but unfortunately not just some Men but some working Women and some elderly Women look down on a housewife who plays the most important role of motherhood.

By motherhood I don’t mean, mother to children, I am talking about the motherly nature of a Woman which God has put in them from Birth.

Few days back I met a naturopathy therapist Sriram B. and he quoted a beautiful line regarding Women, he said every girl as soon as she is born is a mother by nature and we always have to be on women’s side.

I also read that if a Woman has 2 children, she has to take care of 3 children actually, because most men cannot survive for minute a without a Woman and most Men behave like kids who are dependent on their mothers for everything.

In the Bible it is written that man is not made for a Woman but Woman is made for a Man. She has been mentioned as a helper for Man. It’s also written marriage is honourable above all, and the husband has to love her, honour her and even be ready to give his life for her if needed, it also said that both become one flesh and like one of the bones on his own body of the husband after marriage, therefore, a man needs to love and honour his wife because its written no man hates his own flesh therefore he ought to love his wife unto death.

It's also mentioned she has been created by taking the rib of a man, so she is not inferior to man or slave to a man taken from foot or legs but the rib to be a helper to man, it’s also written in the Bible it’s not good for a man to be alone, God created a suitable help for him as he was unable to find his partner, friend and companion in any of the other creatures like animals. I am sure many good things are written about Women in other religious scriptures as well.

I am not giving any religious sermon but I am just trying to say Women are great and men are incomplete without Women, it’s been said that there is no wife, no life. Home is not a home without a mom.

Few people who fail to recognise the greatness of Women are the ones who raise silly questions like who has to cook Man or Woman?

It’s also sad, that some well-educated Women think that I am highly educated, and what am I doing here after being married but what they fail to recognise is they have got much bigger opportunity and responsibility to fine-tune the generation of tomorrow, they fail to recognise that how a well-educated Woman can be a blessing to the entire family, how well she can take care of the family, the values and knowledge she can put into the generation of tomorrow. But sadly, a Woman’s role in the family is linked to economics, in most homes, how much she is earning? And looked down upon by even some working Women too.

For example, my mother is highly educated too but she stopped working after marriage and as far as I know, she has never complained about not being able to continue working because she understood that there was a more important task at her hand than being a working Woman which is making me and my brother ready for the future. Because she is highly educated, she was able to take care of us well and guide us during the difficult situations of the life.

Even if I end up a housewife, I will give my 100%, I will be the best housewife in the world, that I Promise – Aishwarya Rai Miss 1994, Padma Shri

An educated Mother can take care of the health of the family well, she can take care of the important decisions of her family well, infact she can even help her husband while making important decisions about investments and savings for the future.

Now coming back to the question who has to cook? As I said it’s not gender-specific today but a basic survival skill.

I am sure this question started being asked ever since the birth of terms like feminism, I mean even though the term feminism was coined around 1837 by French philosopher Charles, it has started taking flight only recently but sadly it’s going in the wrong direction and insanity.

According to feminism, there has to be equality in opportunities when it comes to both Men and Women and Women should not be ignored while providing opportunities in anything.

Sexual exploitation and oppression of Women have to be addressed and dealt with in boldness.
Due respect for the Woman should not be withheld.
Women’s opinion matters.
Women have the right to a good education.
Rights of Women should not be ignored.
All Women should be respected and their opinions should be valued.
Should not be judged for everything unnecessarily.
Abolition of domestic violence.

But sadly, today feminism has been turned into:

Being biased towards men.
Self-goal-achieving and self-justifying memes.
Male stereotyping.
Hating every male.
Insulting all men.
Believing being shameless is the right of Women.
Judging every male.
Women trying to become like men and men trying to become like Women.
Hating natural masculinity.
Women cheating on Husbands or boyfriends should not be judged but can be judged in case a Man does it even though it is wrong in both cases.
Feeling it's ok to be a gold digger.
Harassing Men on fake sexual exploitation charges.
Manipulation and exploitation of men.
Asking for divorce over silly things.
Filing false dowry harassment cases.
Harassing for excessive alimony in case of divorce.
Abetment to suicide.

I am not saying all Women are doing this but out of these fake feminism concepts silly questions like who has to cook, a Man or a Woman arise.

As I said there can never be a perfect and right answer to this question but if you ask me, I would say, if out of two people, one is going out to work, and one person working at home then the person working at home can cook instead.

If both the Man and Woman are working then why fight over silly things like who will cook, since you both are working, both must have good money so, hire a cook instead for cooking.

You must have definitely heard of the term outsourcing in corporate, so if you are both earning, if you have money, outsource the work of cooking to the maid or to a cook instead of fighting over silly things like who has to cook.

What now? We all are educated, there are more important things in life than fighting over silly things like who has to cook, aren’t they? We all need food to live, hire a cook and end the matter if you have money, else decide mutually who has to cook, both cannot sit at home to eat one, one of the two or both have to work outside and the other has to work at home if only one person is working outside but if both are working in an office then better hire a cook, don’t fight.

The reason for the increase in Divorce rates today is the rise of silly questions like Who has to cook due to fake feminism.

Can any one of you Man or Woman imagine your life without your mom in your childhood? No one can imagine, right? What they started fake feminism shit too in your childhood, how your childhood would have been can you imagine? Life of the kids without a mom can lead to mental and emotional problems be it a girl or a boy. Mom is first teacher, first love, first friend, best friend forever which fake feminists fail to recognise today.

In our childhood we might have heard a quote saying, sorry I don’t remember who wrote or said it but the quote goes like “A reporter asked a couple, how did you manage to stay together for 65 years? The Woman replied we were born in a time when if something is broken, we would fix it and not throw it away….

Few days back My sister-in-law came to visit her parents, she came to meet us too as we stay close by but did not bring along the kids as she had some other work to take care next day, her kids asked her in the the chat, when are going to come back, Mom? She replied maybe after 2 days I have some other work I will be staying with Grandpa and Grandma, they replied what shall we do without you for two days Mom, we are already missing you and they put a sad emoji.

People who fail to recognise the impact Women can make on the children, especially their Moms irrespective of a housewife or Women working in corporates, raise silly questions like who has to cook, a Man or a Woman?

Few days back I saw a friend's Wife get pampered through fake feminism and went too far with it by abusing, disrespecting, accusing and being harsh to her mother-in-law.

I am not saying there cannot be problems in families, there will be problems and misunderstandings in every family which can sorted out with dialogue but the youth today forget the fact that they will become Mother-in-law and Father law one day and then they will understand their pain later when it’s too late.

Basic problem in my friend’s case was Mother-in-law was expecting that since her daughter-in-law had come, her work would be reduced and started giving too many tasks to take care which was becoming a headache for the friend's Wife and eventually her frustration turned into rudeness. Because her husband was also not ready to listen and was taking only one side which is of his mother.

In this case, the first mistake was by the Mother in law, trying to dictate too many things to her daughter-in-law by taking her daughter-in-law for granted but we cannot ignore the daughter in laws mistake as well here, she has to understand that Mother law has dedicated her whole life, working tirelessly for the family and it’s fair enough for her to expect that her daughter in law will reduce her burden.

I mean, won’t the daughter-in-law expect that in her old age her children, daughter-in-law or son-in-law has to take care of her? Nothing wrong in expecting that.

However, if Mother in law is intervening too much in the life of husband and wife and taking them for granted, then the daughter law has to make her husband and Mother in law understand that, things are going too far calmly instead of being rude and increasing the levels of frustration.

So, in this case, the 3rd and unmissable mistake is of the Son cause he picked only one side while ignoring the other completely.

The bottom line is if there is no respect and understanding between the couple, our silly egos will be hurt and stupid questions like who will cook will arise. Even if the couple love each other, if there is no respect and understanding between each other, egos will be hurt and silly questions may arise between each other. Respect and understanding are like the wheels of a car, the car cannot move forward without the wheels, same way, no matter how much a couple love each other, their love cannot move forward without the wheels of respect and understanding.

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you, you just to find the one worth suffering for. - Bob Marley

The main problem nowadays is everybody has become habituated to sided male bashing fancy videos in which the men and issues are overgeneralised, infact blown out of proportion in most of the videos, seeing which people want a perfect Wife or a perfect Husband but in reality, there is nothing called perfect husband and Wife, they exist only in books and fairy tales.

Fairy tales like My Prince of Dreams will come on a horse or I will find My Princess of Dreams one day look good in only books and cinema, in reality, there are no perfect Men and Women.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin.

I don’t say the total responsibility lies towards the Woman to save the family, in most of cases some Men don’t appreciate the effort put in by Women to build their families. Some Men don’t handle the situations well and ignore the time with wife and children completely, If both can appreciate and recognise each other’s efforts as well recognise each other’s shortcomings then silly questions like who has to cook won’t arise. Because if they love each other, they can find just one reason to stay together out of a thousand reasons to be apart and bring up stupid questions.

Hope I have shared my views on this question without bias towards any one of the genders... cheers, God bless you.

. . .

Disclaimer: I am not a couple’s counsellor or a relationship expert either, in this article, I have just tried to put forward the general perspective from both sides of male and female points of view in my own words because there can never be a perfect answer for the question “Who has to cook, Man or a Woman? Each side has its own, complaints, justifications, points of views and whatnot.

Acknowledgement: I would like to acknowledge all my family members including my extended family my wonderful in-laws and of course, my wife who has always encouraged my passion to write and has been my greatest critic ever who motivates me to try even harder every time I write. I would also like to thank my college buddies and my best friend Vamsi whom I met in Bangalore, who has been there for me in both good and bad times and has been my honest critic when I used to work there a few years back in Bangalore, infact I have shared few references of my college buddies as well like JD, Ashish, Johnny, Khader, Izzy, Hajra and few others as well and about my best friends Vamsi, Mahesh and Kunal too in my previous, infact my first book called "How to survive the fear or surgery-Life before and after surgery" which is basically talking about dealing with fear, it's a must-read book for all especially for above 35. There are so many friends and colleagues from my past projects, I cannot take the names of all but I will be always thankful to the people I have met throughout my career so far like Rajkumar Sir, Vijay, Divya, Sashank, Anil, Srinivas, Sunitha, Sunitha, Ramesh, Siva, Syed, Ankit, Vidya, Victor, Vinodhini and especially Tarak Sir who has been my pillar of strength in all things during my tough phase in my previous project due to health issues and has been undoubtedly one of the best managers I have seen in my career and many more people are there whom I cannot take the names who have helped me a lot in my tough times during my time in my earlier projects, each and everybody whose names I have taken or not taken have contributed to me in writing my previous books in their own way, everyone has contributed to unleash the writer within me by motivating or pampering me or giving me strength in my tough times.

I would also like to extend my thanks to People Reflections for their support in publishing this article.

And last but not the least I would like to thank God for giving me the ability to analyse and combine all the aspects needed while writing this book. All the credit goes to God, I am just his tool with his borrowed talent to pour out my little knowledge in writing.

Books by Author

How to Survive the Fear of Surgery – Life Before and After Surgery (must-read book for all, especially for those above 35)
10 Captivating motivational stories
Cyber Security – Kind of a big deal

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