A news that made headlines currently is the cheating of students by one of the popular coaching institutes in Bhopal, where fees were taken, but classes did not start for many days. When parents started questioning, the manager went absconding. About 2 decades ago, a private dental college opened in my home town Bhopal. Some persons known to us, had their children admitted there by paying a hefty amount. Well, classes did not start till 6 months, due to various excuses and then the person in charge, absconded with all money collected. Every day there is news of a child committing suicide somewhere due to pressure on him to clear a competitive exam or excel in something. Then there are sob stories of elderly people living all alone, while their kids are well settled abroad. Well, these issues are discussed and talked about by in society. Variety of tips are given as, talk to children lovingly, and patiently, encouraging them lovingly to work hard, taking them to professional counsellors, etc. But no one seems to talk about the basic issue, underlying these problems. That issue is, parents imposing their ambitions on their children.

Since a child becomes 2 to 3 years old, he is sent to playgroup, where more than games, he is initiated into learning to read and write. It is funny to see parents of toddlers discussing and complaining that their child is not able to write 5 or read and write some letters or numbers. I tell them, to let the child be toilet trained first, learn self-care and then teach reading and writing. But the majority of people, apparently do not like this advice. I have come across arguments like, “This is the right age to develop an interest in studies”, it is good to develop a sense of competition early and the importance of staying ahead”, etc. A child is criticized for getting even 90% marks and praised for higher marks, even in primary classes. If a child participates in some activity, whether painting, singing, dancing, etc., he is pressurized to win a prize. All this increases, as the child becomes older. In short, it can be said that parents or other elders of the family impose their personal ambitions on their children.

“Ambition”, is a strong desire to do or achieve something. Elders in the family are grown-up adults, who have mostly done what they could in growing years and are now settled. But not all have been successful people and still have unfulfilled desires in their hearts. Some may not be intelligent and talented adequately to do better, some may not have worked hard as needed to fulfil their ambitions, whereas a few may not have made the right choices regarding studies and jobs. Any one or more of these results in failure to achieve the desired object in life. But the desires still linger in their minds. Now they see a ray of hope in their children, that they would fulfil their wishes. Moreover, many guardians harbour a feeling of competition, with their relatives and other peer group. The performance of children in academics and other activities forms the main centre of this competition. Even marks of quarterly and half-yearly examinations of kindergarten and primary classes are included in the race. To cut a long story short, they start imposing their ambitions on their children.

This results in putting stress on the child from a very early age. Now if he or she is able to meet these expectations of his parents, all are fine. But if it does not happen, the child fails to achieve a particular goal, the parents become tense. They pass on this tension to their young wards who already is depressed, after his failure. The child becomes depressed, introverted, and loses interest in studies as well as play. He may lose appetite as well, resulting in weight loss or indulge in overeating, thus putting on weight. All these factors can reduce immunity, thus increasing vulnerability to acquiring infections easily. His health is also affected, by spending major time in studies and not pursuing sports or any other physical activity. An old age adage holds true even here, i.e., “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”. These multiple factors affect his performance and it deteriorates, instead of improving. This leads to further taunting and criticism by the parents. Thus, a vicious circle is created, which affects the growing child the most. In extreme cases, the child may commit suicide.

This scenario is commonly seen around us, but concerned people, i.e., parents and teachers do not consider it important. For them, “pressurizing a child to excel”, is necessary and a “done thing”. If the child shows signs of depression, it is taken as, “making excuses for not studying”. People should understand that scoring well in exams or succeeding at a young age is not a guarantee for success in future life. There are many stories, around the world, where individuals who were failures in school, achieved great milestones in later life. Parents should consider the fact that though they have given birth to the child, he or she is an individual, with his own skills, desires and capability. He has to lead his own life, after growing up. So, imposing your own ambitions on him is not a good idea for either side. Because it creates a situation of tension for the family as well.

It is not to say, that a child should not be motivated to do better. Just what is needed is to understand the child’s capability and liking or disliking a particular subject. No amount of coaching would help if a child dislikes a subject. If the elders consider a subject very necessary for his future, he should be taught the subject in such a way, that he develops interest in it. Studies should be made as interesting as a game and his progress should be judged not by marks, but by how well he has understood the subject and how he could use it for further life. This will surely improve the situation.

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