As I stand in front of the mirror, I can't help but feel a sense of disgust and shame. My curves are too pronounced, my skin too dark, my hair too frizzy. I'm a woman in India, and I've been conditioned to believe that my body is not good enough.
Growing up, I was constantly bombarded with relatives and family members telling me that I needed to be fairer, thinner, and more delicate. Relatives would comment on my weight, strangers would stare at my body, and the media would perpetuate unrealistic beauty standards. I was made to feel like my body was a problem that needed to be fixed.
I've tried to conform to these standards, believe me. I've starved myself, exercised obsessively, and spent a small fortune on beauty products. But no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to meet the expectations of those around me.
The worst part is the shame. The feeling that I'm not good enough, that my body is a source of embarrassment. I've avoided social gatherings, turned down invitations, and hidden behind baggy clothes. I've felt like I'm not worthy of love, of acceptance, of happiness.
But something inside me is changing. I'm realizing that my body is not a source of shame, but a source of strength. I'm learning to embrace my curves, my skin, my hair. I'm learning to love myself, not just because of my body, but because I deserve it.
I am on mental health medicines and that has a severe impact on my body weight which is beyond the understanding of the imbeciles around me and across India. The beauty standards once made me feel vulnerable and ashamed of myself, but now, I am styling myself to scrap away those beauty standards.
I have not given up on my baggy clothes; they are a part of my style statement. But now I wear different types of clothes ranging from sarees, and suits to sleeveless dresses and whatnot. I do makeup and wear jewellery and stand with my head held high.
I am still commented on by my family about the extra fatty curves on my waist and flabs under my arm but I know, with everything I am trying to do with my live while suffering through mental illness; I am doing my best and I am proud of myself.
With my 37 tattoos and coloured hair, I seem to stand out and also my body feels like a circus at times; but now I have slowly stopped bothering myself with it. I love my dusky skin, and my confidence in how I carry myself, and yes even so-called “fat” people also have the right to fashion and style and wear whatever they want as long as they are comfortable in their own skin.
I have my own style and it's my body; nobody else needs to bother about it. If they don't like seeing me, they may well shut their eyes and tape their mouths. I go to stores or even when I shop online, I see a big discrimination in sizes as if everyone has tiny bodies. Rarely I found clothes that have sizes over Xl; and some brands do have the empathy to have sizes till 4Xl.
Why not make fashion accessible to all and break body stereotypes?
Oscar de la Renta said, “Fashion is about dressing according to what’s fashionable. Style is more about being yourself."
I have some wardrobe staples that I cannot survive without. Also, I don't wear tight clothes because comfort is my first priority and always order or buy 1 size larger clothes. But you can wear whatever you want; whatever makes you feel bold and confident.
My style statement is comfort plus sassy and classy and at times, a bit funky. But whatever I wear, I have a signature style that only I know.
Let's focus on finding our own unique style and rocking it with confidence instead of just blindly following fashion trends by celebrities and influencers.
To all the women in India who have faced body shaming, I see you. I hear you. I feel you. Let's break free from these unrealistic standards and learn to love ourselves, just as we are. Let's create a world where our bodies are celebrated, not shamed.
My body, my shame - no more. My body, my strength - yes, more.