How does a father’s narcissistic behaviour affect the psyche of a child?

The feeling of not being enough and feeling isolated is not something a child is born with, it is shaped by the experiences that a person goes through in the very formative years of their life. There are some emotions, some insecurities that a child witnesses in their life and they become such a huge part of their life, that one starts to accept it and live with it.

These insecurities that we possess feel like walls, which prevent us from breaking through the shackles of miseries and live the life we actually want for ourselves, and be truly happy and at peace. These barriers are formed very early on in our life, they are formed with words, actions and behaviour of those who are closest to us, by the people we love the most, especially by the origins of our existence.

Generational trauma is a very real thing, it deeply affects our identity, our thoughts and how we feel about ourselves. Emotional repression, narcissistic abuse, unreal expectations, and harsh words can really mess up with a child. While modern psychology has recently started to research and talk about generational trauma and how it affects the psyche of an individual, writers have, since time immemorial, used their words beautifully to show the impact it can have on a child.

In the picturesque streets of Prague, a young man also was grappled by these dark shadows of his upbringing, he used his words to cope in a world where he felt lost and detached. His writings had a mysterious, eerie charm to it, he was nothing short of a beautiful craftsman who used his words to show a paradoxical blend of light and dark, beautiful and bizarre. Absurd was the norm in his world, a world where the lines between reality and nightmare were completely blurred and the writing so unique and unsettling that it became a whole new genre called ‘Kafka-esque’. Welcome to the world of a poet, a poet who beautifully captured the dark shadows of existence, the tales of alienation, and maze of human experiences, welcome to the world of FRANZ KAFKA.

Born in the early 19th century, Prague, Kafka was born into a Jewish family as the eldest amongst his 6 siblings. Kafka was an extremely bright student academically. He enrolled himself into Charles University; he initially pursued chemistry but then switched to law. Law was not Kafka’s passion, but it had more scope in the future,e and it also allowed him to explore courses on philosophy and literature, which he found intellectually stimulating. It was during his time in college that he got introduced to various writers that shaped his understanding of the world. Kafka spent most of his life working in insurance companies despite his literary ambitions; he struggled to balance his creative pursuits and professional responsibilities. Kafka also struggled with his health quite a bit, but his biggest struggle was his relationship with his dad.

Kafka is known for capturing melancholic human emotions, complexities and mysteries of existence. His writings reflect the themes of authority and a struggle against powerful sources, themes which can be seen in his life as well, particularly with his relationship with his father. Imagine a frail figure, perpetually cast in the shadow of a ruthless giant, this summarized Kafka’s existence as a young man. Kafka’s father, Hermann Kafka, was a self-made, powerful and dominating man, while Kafka was a detached, anxious soul. This disparity created a void between the two and fostered a sense of inadequacy within Kafka, he felt like he could never be like his father. Imagine a flower pot in which seeds have been sown, but the gardener, instead of nurturing it with love, sows it with worms of hate. Such was the relationship between the two. The harsh words and narcissistic tendencies of his father, like corrosive acid, ate away the confidence of a young Kafka who felt detached, lost, inadequate and anxious the major themes of his writings.

Kafka’s ‘letter to his father’ serves as a proof of the spoiled relationship between the two. Written in 1919 ‘Letter to his father’ shows how Kafka’s anxiety, fear, alienation and struggle with figure of authority stems from his interactions with his dad. In this piece, Kafka talks about how he perceived his father strong, harsh and emotionally unavailable man whose words and actions always made him feel inadequate. Rather than straight up criticizing his father, Kafka recognizes the struggle his father went through in building a successful life for himself and his family but he also talks about how lack of emotional warmth from his father made him feel inadequate and isolated. Although this letter was never delivered, it shows Kafka’s fear towards his father.

Kafka’s relationship with his father deeply influenced his writings. Alienation, isolation, and fear of authority, common themes of Kafka’s literature that can be traced back to the traumatic experiences that a young Kafka had to face with his father. The trial, one of his famous novels, talks about this character who was accused of a crime that he never committed, reflecting this sense of powerlessness and not being able to stand up for oneself, themes which hit home for Kafka. The judgement, another famous piece by Kafka, revolves around the theme that the father holds control over the fate of the child, pointing at the dominating and powerful force that the father had which again could be seen in his life.

Kafka’s relationship with his dad not just influenced his psyche but it laid the foundation for his literary work, giving birth to the Kafka-esque philosophy which explores the themes of guilt, powerlessness and existential dread.

Kafka’s writings are still very relevant in the modern world. The theme of generational trauma and oppression still continues to cast a dark shadow in the lives of many. Narcissistic abuse, unrealistic expectations continue to hamper the confidence of kids. Kafka’s theme of authority can be applied so well to the modern corporate settings in which people are made to work like slaves only to be mistreated and unacknowledged by the source of authority. The feeling of alienation and isolation is also relevant more than ever in this digital age where people feel monitored and judged. Kafka’s work continues to strike the hearts of readers from every generation with work that addresses themes which are timeless and relatable.

Kafka’s stories often end in disappointment like the very story of his own life, but we are not bound to his tragedies; we need not act like characters in Kafka’s tales, so let’s step out of this story and choose a different ending.

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