It was the month of January, the month of new beginnings, and coincidentally also the coldest month of the year. Lightning forks in the gloomy night sky, followed by the distant boom of thunder. The cold wind beats against the walls of the building. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the inevitable. There is something I need to do, some act I must perform. And it doesn’t matter if it's cold outside, or if I don’t feel like doing it, because I have already sworn to do it. Quietly, I step outside the warm confines of my room.

Nimbly, I climb the stairs upward. There is a spring in my step. Yes, I was anxious about what I was about to do, but at the same time, it was exciting. The hairs on my hands rose when I thought about that. It’s good. Excitement and anxiety should come at the same time. They are, after all, different energies of the same spectrum. Just like the pair of love and hate, of kindness and greed, of war and peace. They aren’t the opposite, they’re more similar than one would imagine.

Finally, I reach my destination- a shabby stone bench on the terrace of the 3-storey building I live in. It was a little wet from the drizzle from earlier that day. I found a torn rag nearby and wiped the middle portion of the bench. It’s good to sit on a clean surface. You don’t worry too much about getting your clothes dirty when you’re sitting when you clean the seat first. And worry isn’t good, especially for the kind of activity I’m about to perform. You need to be relaxed, or at least as much as you can be.

I begin taking my clothes off. First I take my shirt off, then my vest, and finally my pants. I only have my boxer on. I am not worried that someone will pay me a surprise visit while I’m half naked; not with that weather. Besides, at this hour, I’m the only one who usually uses the terrace. As I hang my clothes on a vertical rod, the wind begins to pick up the pace. I shiver in the cold. The hair of my entire body raises up, as the cold wind stings my warm body.

At that moment, I regretted coming upstairs at all. I just wanted to put on my clothes, run back down to my bed, and wrap myself up in warm blankets. But I just stood there, glued to the moment. But I am a man, aren’t I? Men should thrive in uncomfortable situations. I push myself into uncomfortable situations because when I emerge out of them, I get stronger.

There was something else I felt, giving a sort of energy to my body. I have read about it before, it’s the supposed adrenaline rush. That means I’m excited about the predicament that I have placed myself into. It’s good news. That means I might be able to endure. Excitement. That’s what you should look for, folks. Look for things that excite you, and that makes your heart beat faster. Because these things are connected to your purpose.

But nothing I have done so far could’ve prepared me for what I felt when my skin touched the cold hard marble. The electrifying shock from the cold jolted me upright. I was just getting started. This is where it begins. I get ready to meditate. That’s the first step.

I folded my legs into the half-lotus pose. But my shoulders rounded and slumped, my hands flailing around. I shivered as the cold seemed to engulf my entire being. The wind beat against me, probably trying to put me out, as it had done to many a candle flame. But I didn’t go out, I was far stronger than a mere candle flame. I just let the cold do its thing, I just let my body shiver. It’s good.

A while later, the cold subsided. Or maybe, my body just got adjusted to the cold. Human beings have amazing bodies that can adapt to just about anything. I force my shoulders to be wide and backward. I puff my chest outwards. I pull my stomach in. My arms are straight as I place my hands on my knees.

I became still. Stiller than I’d ever been before, the only movements, the breathing of my lungs, and the beating of my heart. But my weak mind still raced around, stopping by all thoughts it found somewhat fancy.

All I have done till now was the easy part. This was the hard part. How does one calm their mind? How do you get your mind to be still like water so calm that you confuse it with a mirror? That is the object of meditation. Every mind is a fickle thing, it dances to the chaotic beat caused by the thoughts. And thoughts are like individual water drops in the stream of consciousness. It will continue to flow, and new thoughts will continue to emerge.

The trick is to let the mind do its thing. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes. Make sure to keep your body still though. Try to keep your thoughts to something you can feel, for instance, your breathing. But know that your mind will think about something else as soon as it gets a chance. It’s alright. That’s why we meditate in the first place. Just sit still for as long as you can.

I fold my fingers into the gyana mudra and place them on my knees. As my thumbs connect with the index fingers, it’s as if the circuit is connected. I feel a new rush of energy all around my body, particularly in my upper neck and my head. It’s as if the pathway for energy to travel has been completed, and it can flow easily through my body.

Flow state is one of the terms that gets thrown around quite a bit nowadays. Many try to achieve a flow state when they are working. It is possible to reach a state where you are totally absorbed by your work, and you tend to produce your best results then. If I have a word for what I feel like when I meditate, it has to be a flow state. I feel completely immersed at the moment, I feel in harmony with what is around me. I mentally prepare myself for the true intent of this particular meditation session.

My meeting with the Creator of the Universe.

I have reached similar states before, where I gaze into the void of creation, at the primal forces that move the matter in the universe. I have suckled from the bosoms of the Mother of All Beings. I have looked at the Creator of All Things. I have met with other divine Entities and discussed with them the meaning of existence.

I have pondered upon why existence must be, why are forced to this burden of having to eat, to sleep, to leave behind offspring. What is the meaning behind it? Why is it necessary? Why did the Creator decide to create the Universe? Why did He choose to divide His soul into multiple fragments, and let them grow separately on a wet planet?

Every time I come to one particular realisation: I am the Creator. Maybe not the Creator of the Universe, but at least the creator of my own life. I have within me, the same power of creation that the Creator of All Things has. I can create the circumstances of my life, I can choose my fate, I can create my destiny, I can actualise my desires, and I can manifest my will. I think the English poet William Ernest Henley put it best when he said:

“ I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” - William Ernest Henley in Invictus.

Then, I changed my hand mudra. I brought my hands together, at the hip level; and pressed the tip of the fingers of my right hand against the corresponding fingers of my left hand. The hands look like they cover the surface of a ball. I flatten them out a little bit until the negative space in between my fingers resembles a peepal leaf. I have not seen or read about this mudra anywhere, but I had used it multiple times before. It is, I believe, the mudra of creation.

Then I focused on creating a new version of myself. A version of myself that wouldn’t procrastinate. A version of myself that would do the hard work, despite wanting to just play. A version of me that would be much better than the imperfect mess that I currently am. A version of myself that evolved enough to write this article in the first place. I dared to create a new version of myself that would be almost flawless.

As I continued my work, I felt the energy of Brahma entering my soul. It’s as if I myself was Brahma, the creator of the Universe. I felt the energy of the thing I was creating in between my hands. Even though time makes no sense in the state that I was in, I knew that I sat like that for a long time. Then, my creation started talking to me.

And it was not what I was expecting at all. It spoke in a coarse whisper. In my mind's eye, I imagined it peeking its ugly reptilian head between my fingers. In a moment, I imagined it jumping out of my hands, straight at my face, and consuming my entire head. It consumed the face of its creator. I remember hearing some coarse laughter inside my head. I panicked. It was not supposed to go like this, no no no. I felt my face fall apart, and my mouth open as I physically made the same coarse laughter. I had created a monster. I had called upon the Destroyer.

Then just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. My face was back to normal. My thoughts were clear. The monster was still there, but its power over me was gone. I had accessed the most primal power that there is. The power of Balance. The power of Vishnu. On one hand, I had the power of Creation, and on the other, the power of Destruction. But true strength lay in knowing when to use which. At balance.

I understood the most basic principle of existence: the dance of existence and nonexistence. The ancient Chinese symbol of Yin-Yang floated in front of my eyes. I understood that reality forms when nothing mixes with something. The edges of this reaction are where all the interesting stuff happens. The dance of the particles, the vibrations of electrons and quarks, the existence of water on a rock that is just at the right distance from the sun to sustain life. All that happens, happens because of the mixing of the two opposite forces. And right where they meet, we exist.

These opposite forces manifest themselves in many forms. Love and hate. Joy and anger. Pride and shame. Faith and skepticism. God and science. All of the opposites that we can really understand are the manifestations of only two primal forces: Being and Non-Being. And in the balance between the two is where everything exists. That is the path down the middle- the path of balance. Our reality exists on a plane that is precariously balanced by the two forces that act on either end of it.

And for a moment, I could touch this plane. I could balance it on my index finger. I pushed one side of it, and it spun. I had a spinning chakra on my right hand, and I imagined a lotus flower on my left hand. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. As I ended the pose, I brought my hands together and imitated a conch shell. I raised my hands to my lips, and I blew. It made no sound, but it made a lot of sound inside my head. I had declared war.

Most people spend their lives working jobs they hate, to make money that they won’t use, to buy things that they don’t need, and to impress people that they hate. It is a vicious cycle. If you are reading this, I urge you to question yourself: why are you doing what you are doing? Are you conscious of what you are doing, or are you blindly following a script written by society? Are you more worried about what others think about you than what you think about yourself? If your answer to that was yes, you are doing something wrong.

But there is another group of people out there who are intentionally disrupting the balance of existence. People who push their own evil ideologies, have others think in a certain way. I am unaware of what they stand to gain from this, but I am certain that they have sway over reality. They have gained massive amounts of power and influence over the last few centuries. And they use it to feed us with subconscious messages to obey and conform to their rules, and a myriad of other things. These are the people that I declare war on.

With such thoughts, I slowly come out of my trance. I fold my hands together and bow to pay my respects to the Higher Entities who made this experience possible. I untangle my legs, but it’s going to be a while before I am able to walk. One of my legs has gone totally numb from the lack of blood. I massage it, and I feel tingles as the blood flows again. I stand, I dress up and I take a moment to look up at the dark sky; the never-ending abyss above us.

As I pen down this story, I feel a sense of pride as well as a sense of fear. Pride because it seems that the character I had created back then had come to life- I’m certain that the old me would’ve been unable to write this story. But I am fearful of putting my thoughts out into the world. How will the world respond to my thoughts? Will they challenge me? Will they attack me? How will I respond to their response? What does this mean for my life? Does it give any indication of what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life?

In the end, it seems, I have more questions than I started with. But that’s alright. That is progress. Your questions will never end. But notice the change in the questions. An answer to one question will lead to multiple new questions. Also, know that to have access to any truth whatsoever, one has to know to ask the right questions. And to have any of their desires manifest, one has to ask for the right gifts.

Disclaimer: The above story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The author has no affiliation with the narrator of the story and the views and opinions expressed in the narrative are not necessarily those of the author. This story is purely a product of the author's imagination and is intended solely for entertainment purposes.

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