In every college, some people don’t join the clubs, don’t attend any fests, and don’t seem interested in all the noise around. People may see them as uninterested, but inside, they carry a different struggle. Sometimes they also feel like they are failures, which is a part of the journey. They think that- why am I not able to use the college the way everyone is doing it? Why can't I join clubs like them? Why can't I participate in any of the college activities? Am I not good enough? Am I a failure? So these types of questions run in their mind, and im one of them. I am not ashamed or cowardly to be one of them. I used to feel like them. I used to feel like that was the failure, but one day I realised that I knew beyond them. I am a person who enjoys things outside of college. I like writing, I like painting, and I do them very well. I found that my activities just don’t match the college environment. So I started exploring things outside of the college. Then I began to realise that, okay, I am not a failure, I'm just figuring out my life.
In first years of college I was like- I want to do this, I want to participate in all of the things but the thing is I was afraid because it was new and I was 18 so I was a teenager so this things are common from the point of where I am right now but at that time I was scared, afraid, not confident. My world is very different; it is not like other people's. I was trying to fit in with the other people's lives, which is not possible because it is not my life. I skipped many events. I tried to attend the events, but they were not my vibe, so I started skipping everything that came my way. I felt very left out because I had no friends; I didn’t know any people, and even though I started the conversation, they didn’t like it. They just didn’t click with me. I thought, yes, maybe nobody likes to be friends with me. It was very confusing and at times discouraging.
After 1st year of college, I was tired of feeling like that, so I started doing things the way I like. I stopped giving all my energy to the people who can't vibe with me. I stopped trying to fit in. I started doing things I like outside of college. I didn’t wait for anyone to give me the attention that I wanted. That part was amazing. I started figuring out my career. What professions can I be good at? What things do I like to do, and what can I do with them? I was more into building myself. I kept trying to fit energy into my career, learning new skills, updating myself. I also realized that I should live my life as I can, not by comparing it with others. It is the unhealthiest thing for humans. Stop comparing your life with others and start building your life the way you want and the way you see it, according to the sources that you have.
If you’re thinking that you're a failure because you're trying to fit in with your college. It's okay! It is all part of the process, and don’t let Instagram make you feel miserable about the way you're living. Everyone is trying to influence. The reason I bought Instagram is that it is also a reason that makes you feel like a failure. When you see your friends' posts or stories that they are living the best life, and you are thinking Why is my life like this? Why don’t I have money like them to enjoy? Nope, your life is way different, and be grateful for your life. If you want your life to be changed, then focus on yourself, focus on the people who care about you. When you are sitting in college and look around, and you think Why can't I get marks like them? Why can’t I be so cool like them? Stop comparing yourself with others. They are also facing different situations that you don’t know. Start appreciating yourself, start feeling good about yourself.
I hope my journey helps everyone who is trying their best to fit in the things that are not working for them. I also want to suggest that you follow Mel Robbins on Instagram. She helped me a lot while I was facing the problem. And remember that this phase is common, and many people are facing this. Be gentle to yourself and to others. Have confidence, and you should believe in yourself that you can do the things you want. If you can't do it, it's okay, there are many things that are waiting for you. Don’t be apologetic for being you.