May 18, 2022, 7:59 PM
I stared at the clock that seemed to have a sinister glow contrasting the cold, lifeless walls of the house. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.-- GONG. The clock struck 8, and horror and realization crept through me as the clock gonged. It's been 1 hour, and I retched, what have I done? I rushed to the bathroom and knelt by the toilet. I retched but nothing came out, my head felt heavy. Fat tears stream down my eyes. I’m going to go to jail. I'm going to go to jail. My face was wet with glossy tears, snot, and a pukish feeling. I felt nauseous. Yellow spots crowded in my eyes blinding me-- then everything went pitch black.
I woke up later to a deafening silence and a foul smell. I walked to the house’s second bathroom, where the odor originated from. As I walked to the bathroom the cold embrace of the empty house that had strangled me was oddly comforting. Oh, I thought my mind was calmer now, it felt so calm that it was almost funny. I held back a smile, she smelled. I burst out in hysterical laughter and smirked, unable to hold the laughter back I whispered, “She smells?” It doesn't look like a she. I stared at the scarlet dismembered ear in the shower. “How could you tell by the ear that it was part of a she?”. I sneered. I looked at a bucket next to the pool of crimson and picked the bucket up. One by one I neatly stacked the pieces inside it and walked to the kitchen. GONG. I look at the clock, it's 9. two hours, it's been two hours, this time the clock looked just as lifeless as the house was. I walked to the fridge and opened the freezer. One after the other, I carefully stacked the pieces to make a big pyramid, one, two, three, four, five, six… thirty-five, I smirked, thirty-five pieces. I bursted out laughing again, tears streaming down my eyes “Subhanallah! What have I got myself into?”.
I heard sirens in the distance, terror inched through every fiber of my being, are they here for me? My heart started beating so violently that it felt as if it might break free of my chest and burst out of my mouth. I tried to swallow but a huge lump set itself in my throat, which stopped me from swallowing. I tried to clear my mind, what do I do? What do I do??? Just then a thought erupted in my head and I laughed malevolently. “It's only been 2 hours, how would anyone know? Our neighbors aren't even home, but if this were to happen then what would I do?” An idea crossed my mind and my lips curled into a sinister grin.
***
May 18, 2022, 6:30 PM
“Why do you keep opposing the idea???” she cried.
“I told you I’m not ready to get married, why do you persist on this?” I shouted back.
“Because marriage represents commitment, stability, and a shared life. Don't you want that with me?” Shraddha responded.
“You know what? This is ridiculous. I can't believe you're turning something beautiful into an ultimatum. Maybe I don't want to marry someone who resorts to emotional manipulation when things don't go her way.”
“Emotional manipulation? Are you serious right now? I'm just expressing what I want in our relationship, Aftab.”
“Expressing what you want?! So, you're just expressing yourself. You're making me feel like I'm not good enough for you because I won't conform to your ideal timeline. You're making me mad now!” I shout, anger boiling through me, “Day and Night all you are going on about is marriage, can’t we just sit down and do something together for once without talking about marriage?!!” I accidentally hit a cup near the table and knocked it off the table, it fell on the floor with a crash. Visible anger boiled through Shraddha, you could almost see flames burning in the furious dilated irises that rested in her socket. She grabbed a glass and threw it at my face. I scrunched my eyes shut in fear and ducked, my life flashed before my eyes. The glass missed and as soon as it did I grabbed Shraddha’s throat, “How dare you?!”.
She screamed, and her terror-filled shriek filled the house, echoing off the walls, it pierced my ears and sent shivers through every inch of my body. I smothered her mouth and watched her painful struggles till her body went limp. I gazed at the body, her lifeless, ice-cold eyes bore a hole through my head. I looked at her as I realized what I had done, I shook her body “Shraddha wake up!” I cried, the desperation in my voice was so apparent that it sent shivers creeping down my spine and I shuddered. I dragged her body to the bathroom. I grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen on impulse and started charring her face, yes this is good, this way no one can recognize her. But her body? It’s still recognizable. I cut off her ear, and a malevolent smirk etched itself on my face, growing wider as more and more lakes of velvet poured on the bathroom floor. The smirk on my face grew into sinister, eerie laughter. The clock in the living room gonged, breaking the silence. It was 7.
***
May 19, 2022, 2:21 AM
I walked through the forest. The gleaming moon filtered through the leaves burning my eyes; the cold but lively moon harshly contrasted against the cold, lifeless walls of my house. The bag on my shoulders weighed heavily like an anchor, weighing me down with every step. My eyelids were dropping so low I thought they might close and I’d fall on the ground sleeping. The ice box in the bag rattled with every step and pressed against my warm back sending shivers down my spine with every step. A shady tree caught my eye. I stared at its lifeless trunk, which looked almost gray, its leafless branches grew tall and long, it was an ancient tree, on the verge of dying. I bent over and started digging by the roots of the tree and pulled out the ice box from my bag and laid out a few pieces neatly in the hole I had just dug. I laid out a few ice cubes with the pieces and covered the hole with the dug-out soil. I patted the soil down to make it look untouched. I opened the screenshot of the map of the Chattarpur forest in Delhi on my phone crossed out my location and left. Over the next 18 days, I hid a few pieces of Shraddha’s body and left.
***
June 21, 2022, 3:27AM
The same dream. Every night, it claws its way back into my mind, the memory of Shraddha’s burial rotting in the shadows of my thoughts. I haven’t felt peace since that day. The soil covering her, the trees standing as silent witnesses—every image haunts me with the weight of the secret I carry. I try to convince myself it’s over, but it never is.
There’s a voice, a slithering whisper that creeps in during the quiet moments, mocking me, warning me, You’ll get caught. You’ll slip, and they’ll find you. I don’t want to believe it, but I know it’s right. That cold, sinking feeling grips me every morning when I open my eyes, heart racing, drenched in sweat. My hands shake uncontrollably like I’m no longer in control of them like I’m just a puppet on the edge of collapse.
It never stops. The cold sweats, the paralyzing chills, the numbness that follows. It gnaws at me—relentless, un-merciful. When will it stop? When will this pain finally break me?
The insomnia has taken over, turning every sleepless night into a torturous loop the relentless ticks of the clock gnaw at me every night. I tell myself to rest, to escape, but it feels impossible. I even tried what children do—counting sheep—but the sheep… they change. One by one, they grow darker, their eyes bloodshot, their jaws elongating into twisted, monstrous grins, until they’re charging at me with gnashing teeth. The safety of sleep has abandoned me, leaving me stranded in a void where nightmares roam free.
And when I do fall asleep, the dreams… God, the dreams. They don’t feel like dreams at all. They feel real. Her face, the forest, the sound of dirt being shoveled back into the earth—it all plays on a loop, dragging me deeper into the suffocating pit of my mind. I wake up screaming sometimes, the sheets soaked through with sweat, my pulse thundering in my ears. The fear clings to me, tighter and tighter until even the thought of closing my eyes again becomes unbearable. I’ve stayed awake for days on end, delirious with exhaustion, but even then, the moment my eyelids droop, I’m right back there, in that forest.
I can’t escape it. I can’t outrun it. This thing inside me, this guilt, this horror—it’s sinking its claws deeper every day. My body trembles, my mind unravels, but the worst part? There's something in me that believes that the voice is right.
***
September 15, 2022, 11:54 PM
My phone rang, I picked it up and looked at the contact, it read “Vikas. Shraddha’s father” I picked it up, “Hi uncle how are you?” I ask.
“Hi, could I talk to Shraddha?” The question made my heart drop.
“She's not at home right now, she went to get groceries” I responded nervously.
“Oh, I just wanted to talk to her since she hasn't been picking up her calls.”
“Her phone hasn’t working for a while so she hasn't been able to use her phone”
“Oh, I see” he replied with relief, but his voice had hinted at a sense of suspicion that shook me to my core, “Okay, then I’ll call later, I wouldn't want to disturb you”
“Alright, bye uncle.” I immediately cut the call. My heart started pounding. I missed something, didn't I? What have I done!? A lump formed in my throat. I think hard and suddenly it comes to me, I’ve been posting on Shraddha’s Instagram. How would her phone not work if she’s been regularly posting? I pace around the house, what do I do, what do I do!? A part of me thinks just give up, how long will you live under pressure like this, the pressure of death? Why don’t you just accept it? The thought calmed me down and I dropped onto the couch with a heavy sigh, the ticking of the clock seemed to match my reverberating heartbeat.
I just want to die, I thought, I can't live like this, the insomnia, my hands shivering randomly, and the countless nightmares of being caught by the authorities. Just then there was a loud knock on the door, I didn’t walk up to the door, I couldn’t, my hands were trembling so hard it felt like they might fall off my wrists with a thud on the floor. The knocking soon turned to slamming, and then the door burst open, and the police spilled into the house. They were shouting and talking loudly but all I could hear were muffled voices. They grabbed me by the arms, I didn’t resist, I couldn't, as they were shoving me out to the door. The clock that had seemed to glow an ominous red crashed down to the floor shattering glass everywhere, it too seemed to have given up like me, I saw a glimpse of my reflection on the shattered glass, my eyes looked cold and lifeless, the same as the clock.