Welcome to the Indian Education System – a place where Einstein would've failed his Physics test, Shakespeare would've been scolded for writing too creatively, and Picasso would be told, "Beta, drawing se kuch nahi hota. Engineer ban jao, Sikho kuch Einstein se”

Let’s take a walk through this beautiful, chaotic, hilarious, and frustrating journey we call schooling and college, and uncover how marks, assignments, and attendance are treated like gold, while actual learning is often left standing outside the classroom like a forgotten kid without an ID card.

In India, you're not judged by your character, your kindness, or your ability to think.

Rickey: You are judged.

Me: You didn’t have to say the truth like that...

Rickey: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Anyway, here Your worth = your percentage. It's a beautiful, completely logical system – if you're a robot.

Rickey: Which you are not.

Me: Sighs.. They know it, Rickey.

Rickey: Oh- My bad again.

Me: Now don’t disturb me.

Rickey: Okay.

If you score above 90%, you are a genius. If you score 80-89%, you just got unlucky. Anything below that, and aunties at weddings start praying for your soul, get ready for indirect taane kyonki direct taane dene se bechare bure lag jaayenge. Get below 60%? Congratulations! You are now a disgrace to your ancestors. They didn’t fight the British for this.

Never mind if you understood the topic. That’s not the point. The point is: Can you vomit the textbook word-for-word onto the answer sheet? Because education is not about critical thinking or innovation – it’s about memorizing a textbook thicker than your mattress and writing it out faster than your wrist can handle.

Competition hai bhai ye, who’s gonna write it faster, memorise it faster. Remember the ‘Ratta Maar’ Song from Student of the Year 1? Exactly, that’s the case, it’s all about ratta maaring and no padhaiying.

But guess what? This was not enough for the system to make us suffer, so they added assignments ka dard in our lives.

Plagariasm ka naam suna hai? It’s illegal right?

Lekin yaha chaltha hai sab.

Because we believe in the noble tradition of copy-paste.

Ask any Indian student what they do when an assignment is given. The ritual goes something like this:

Search for a senior who has already done it.

Take their file.

Change the font, add a line or two like "The Indian education system is very good," to make it original.

Submit.

And the teacher? They know. You know. Everyone knows. But as long as the paper is thick and the formatting is cute jaise uski shaadi hori ho, it's a full 10/10. Because in India, plagiarism isn't a crime. It’s a community service.

Assignments are less about learning and more about looking busy. It’s like the educational version of corporate meetings – lots of activity, very little purpose. And then what could be worse?

Attendance bhul gaye kya?

Indian colleges have cracked the secret to success: it's not about attending class to learn, it’s about attending class to attend class.

Whether you understand anything or not, whether the teacher is just reading slides or the projector is broken for the third day in a row – none of that matters. What matters is that your butt was physically present in the classroom for 75% of the time.

Even if you're sleepwalking through class with your brain still in REM mode, as long as you sign that attendance sheet, you’re golden.

Meanwhile, the student who stayed home to learn from YouTube tutorials, complete a project, or even build a startup? Sorry, buddy. Less than 75%? Paisa feko, and if you’re not rich enough to pay the fine, then we’re again sorry, buddy, say bye-bye to your dreams. Because, according to them, attendance = achieving success.

Ever heard about the Olympics? Of course, you must have, but we Indian students participate in it at least twice a year. You enter the exam hall with three pens, two scale-rulers, and a wish. The WISH? The questions come from the two chapters you studied.

And if they don't? Well, there’s always the backup plan: write confidently, even if it's confidently wrong. Add diagrams, underline keywords, use your best handwriting, and write it as long as you can, in the hope that the examiner is in a good mood, or just tired enough to pass you without reading.

Because exams are not about what you learned – they’re about how well you can perform under pressure, and how convincingly you can write fluff, and how well you can elongate the answer. Because the examiner thodi na 4 page answer padhega…

Rickey: And agar padhe le toh?

Me: No worries, Rickey, diagrams kiya toh haina, at least 5 marks mil jaayenge.

Now, coming to our dreams, Indian education doesn’t believe in silly things like career counselling or helping students discover their interests. No, it’s simpler than that:

If you’re good at science: DOCTOR

If you’re good at Maths: ENGINEER

If you’re bad at both: BCOM or BBA

Rickey: but B.COM and BBA mai maths lagtha hai.

Me: Basic maths, it’s not counted in actual maths.

Rickey: (looks at me weirdly) Now maths started having types.

Me: Shh, let me talk.

If you say you want to pursue your dreams, which are not from the above, then get ready to get belt treatment and 100 taane, and if by chance your parents are not that strict, still get ready to hear 100 taane.

Actual quote from Indian parent: "Beta, passion is good, but passion won't pay rent."

So we end up with millions of engineers who never wanted to engineer anything, doctors who hate hospitals, and artists who secretly wish they'd been born in Norway. And now we can understand why we also face employment problem in India.

A Parent-Teacher Meeting is a courtroom drama where your parents are the prosecution, the teacher is the judge, and you're the criminal.

"Your son is very intelligent, but he lacks focus." Translation: He doesn’t blindly obey me, how dare he use his brain to solve problems?”

"She’s very talkative in class." Translation: She has opinions, very creative, it can be dangerous to both of you, because she’ll start dreaming soon.”

It’s a festival of disappointment and judgment, usually followed by a motivational 2-hour lecture at home that starts with "When I was your age..." And yes, it always has that kahani of your parents crossing that river and climbing mountains to go to school.

And then after this 2-hour lecture, our parents decide that tuition is the solution for it.

Because we believe that (-) (-) = +, so kids wake up at 6 AM for school, come back at 3 PM, and then go to evening tuition till 8 PM. By the time they’re done, their brains are fried, and they know nothing except how to stay semi-conscious while holding a pen.

It’s a beautiful system designed to make sure you never get time to discover yourself. Who needs hobbies, friends, or sleep when you can have infinite worksheets? Infinite Pressure. And by chance, if you somehow find time to practice your hobbies and stand firm on your decision that even maar peet isn’t changing your decisions, then the last option for our parents is to cry. And that’s how here you are reading this, frustrated with a frustration in your mind.

So what are we Learning? After 12 years of school and 3-5 years of college, what do most students know?

How to memorize.

How to deal with pressure.

How to pretend.

How to pass exams without learning.

But ask them how to file taxes, manage mental health, vote responsibly, build a resume, or even ask them what the meaning of ‘Study’ itself is, we’ll say that it means to memorize stuff.

Because in the Great Indian Education System, knowledge is optional, but submission is mandatory.

Epilogue: Hope (Yes, We Still Have That, because ummeed mai hi Zindagi kaayam hai)

It’s easy to joke about the system (and trust me, we’ll keep doing it), but beneath the sarcasm is a real hope for change. Because a new wave of students, teachers, and parents are starting to question things.

Alternative education, online learning, skill-based courses, and creativity-focused programs are slowly gaining ground. Maybe one day, we'll have a system where learning is about curiosity, not compulsion.

Until then, dear students, keep your attendance high, and decorate your assignments just like a bride. Your sarcasm is sharper than your pencils.

And remember: Just because the system is outdated doesn’t mean you have to be.

Stay curious. Stay rebellious. Stay awake during the lecture if you can. (Or at least look like you are.)

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