I recently finished reading the book - Atomic Habits, and although I am not a huge fan of non-fiction books, this one kind of felt good to read. It wasn’t preachy or full of grand promises. It was simple. There was a feeling of having accomplished something after reading, and it made sense to a skeptical person. But it also led me to think: yes, habits do shape who we become, but do they tell the whole story? Can we truly credit habits alone for the way a life unfolds?

Habits are undeniably powerful. Small steps taken over time can result in enormous change. However, humans are far more complex than a collection of routines. We are shaped not only by our actions, but also by how we feel, believe, and reflect. Who we become is influenced by our environment, relationships, emotional patterns, self-image, and even the silence we sit with. Thus, the importance of starting small lies not only in the habits we form, but also in our awareness of the often unseen influences: our surroundings, our self-perception, and our emotional conditioning. These things that quietly shape how these habits emerge and evolve.

One’s identity is one such factor. When we grow up, we are unaware of the complexities of the world, the societal norms, and the conditioning our parents are constantly trying to impose, be it voluntarily or involuntarily. The child will grow up as a sum product of all these factors and form their identity. They’ll come to identify themselves as part of the tribe only and only when these factors are in alignment with the values the others display. If these values don’t align, they start to feel alienated, and their entire worldview of belonging will start to crumble. This aspect forms part of ‘this is who I am’. Now, some people make peace with the fact that they don’t fit in and live their lives on their terms and on what their definition of freedom and happiness is, but a vast majority struggle to fit in. They want to belong and constantly try to make changes that make them fit in.

Then comes the environment. But identity is not the only architect of change; environment shapes us just as deeply. This does not encompass only the living space but also every single frame of our existence in our day-to-day life. We touch a hundred things daily, smell another thousand, and see another million, and we feel a billion things. So an environment is not just physical but a mental one as well. To put it in perspective, a person who grew up with opportunities is much more likely to be able to succeed than a person who started from the very bottom. Time may be a test that the latter will have to face a lot harsher. We like to believe we act out of conscious will, but our surroundings have a way of quietly persuading us more than we realize. A book placed near the pillow invites reading. A supportive home encourages exploration, while a dismissive one teaches silence and caution. Sometimes growth begins not with self-discipline, but with rearranging what is around us and, at times, removing what depletes us, making space for what nourishes us.

Some habits do not appear on the outside at all, like the emotional habits. These include overthinking, apologizing too quickly, fearing disagreement, hesitating to take up space, or constantly seeking validation. These patterns can shape us more profoundly than any routine ever could. If our emotional patterns are rooted in fears like the fear of failure, of being misunderstood, of being judged, then even the smallest attempt at change feels heavy. To reshape our habits, we often must first understand the emotional stories we are carrying.

And at last, there are the micro-choices, the infinitesimal moments that feel so inconsequential yet quietly shape our lives. Scroll or pause. Speak or swallow the words. Try or avoid. Most change does not come from dramatic decisions, but from the accumulation of ordinary ones. A small habit, repeated gently, becomes a doorway into a new version of ourselves. Yet all this is not possible without self-compassion. The process of growth is not linear; it certainly is not perfect. One missed day is not a failure; a pause is not weakness. We do not force ourselves to become who we are, nor is any pressure applied. We become ourselves through patience: making room for mistakes, reflecting on them, and gently re-beginning every time, and forgiving ourselves for the lost chances.

So maybe the art of becoming ourselves isn't about this pursuit of constant improvement but rather should stem from understanding why we would want to grow in the first place. Change begins quietly, not in grand gestures, but rather in small acts of awareness, care, and intention. We do not transform overnight. We grow slowly, steadily, softly. For it is: one small step at a time.

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