One Single Decision, Multiple Outcomes

My journey wasn’t really the best type but it is worth living for me. A short story that has infinite moves and never ends, it’s an ongoing process. I used to think life is all sorted with a job in hand, friendships, and with my web series watched on extreme Sundays and this was all my life about. A decision taken in life can change the course of life, as heard before, but is it true? I made a decision to resign and actually did because I held my thoughts to become something, not just work all day long. I wanted something huge, big, at least something from which I can recognize myself and also I needed a break from this long period of working jobs to consider it from college days. Will it be a break or just a loophole or intense tension to do something?

Living In Solitary

Hitting my career break was like freedom at the start but suddenly became much more depression-like. At the start, I made up my goals in life and plans to pursue them, but thinking and doing it are literally two different concepts. I became so confident, so sure that my decision was right and it was always, no doubt because my job lacked growth and I wanted it all. I became consistent and did everything I could to achieve my goals, but it is hard when people you love are against you or just want you down or just think you made the wrong decision. Soon my inner consciousness understood that I was alone in my journey and had to do everything alone and have to keep everything private until I became something.

Guess what leaving the past behind wasn’t easy, it stuck with me like forever, you know why, because my friendships were all about my past, workforce friends. I sometimes feel guilty about why I did what I did, but then realize I did it for myself because my life there was like hell, other than the fact the scenes changed when I left but does anyone consider ‘me’ would be that reason for the change? I was a person to show how I feel, can’t see people doing wrong, and can’t accept work if it was not perfect, I was working every day putting my best foot and all I used to get was empathy not appreciation or value I deserve, the problem with today’s youth is when you actually start to care about them they build a shield against them as like we are some kind of danger to them and when you have nothing to do with them, they want you like crazy. Well, I didn’t think about any of it when I left, but I was at some point heartbroken and felt deserted because of the people we call friends which were not actually friends just a showcase to show that they are with you but are not even if you be with them in every good or bad phase of life, they won’t get you. I cried sometimes in these times of misery, the times when I needed much support, much importance, the much trust from the people I was close to, they demotivated me, lacked my confidence, I lost myself from the tracks of goal achievement and became depressed a really long time but unlike me as a person I always love making people happy exactly did that and in return, I was in solitary and in immense sadness inside as it's said in Joker movie putting on a happy face. I feel like I’m just a joke to people now, a comedian to prosper their needs to be happy, they just wanted to connect with me so that I can give them something to make their life positive. I actually did what people wanted and downgraded myself every day but I found ways to cope with the past and such toxic workforces relationships, I ghosted many of them, and I only responded to two of my close friends as I call close I don’t mean so because if they were they would know how I was doing which I’m pretty sure they have no idea but I keep on writing this and keep on loving my life however it goes, I lose, I win but nobody can tell me anything or give an opinion on myself, no one because I stopped talking to the people who are so desperate to now what I’m doing “the life suckers” as I call it. Hilarious huh! 

A Break From Everything

Why it is such a crime to take a break and sit relaxed, why do I always have to do something according to people, or are they just having hatred or jealousy that they don’t have what I have, what is it really, I have my deep regards for them. This period of life I can’t describe has been scrutiny, has taught me that there will be no one standing with you, only you are the one who can describe your life in your way and if you really want to go ahead please stop thinking about stupid people who distract you every day because of what really that their life isn’t really interesting and they’re looking for gossips in your life. Move on people, give away your toxicity please before you burn yourself with it.

Choosing A Path Of Life

This is what I call “the constant urge to become something” and this time this urge is not to show such lunatic people, this urge is for me, I will do everything according to me not because people want me to do it but I want it to be done, this is about making me happy, whatever it takes. This path of life will be mine, I’m the author now and will be always because I’m tired of people’s bullshit telling me what to do and what not. I want to be intriguing now, a mystery that never can be solved.

People are gonna treat you like trash, but it all depends upon you how you take it, are you gonna be sad about it or you can just ignore those kids and move on with life? I did so and I’m continuing to live the life that I desire. I will find my way, I will work when I want to, and I know I’m gonna make it. his urge came not to be specific something but just to be something so I can satisfy myself, find my path to happiness and self-preservation, a path where I can never get discouraged and always be rebellious enough whoever comes to argue on my way of living. The more I got close to myself, the more I loved being alone and just being happy that whatever makes me happy, from a very long time I almost forgot myself being an introvert, but realizing how important is self-love, I found myself growing with my inner peace.

Inner Acceptance

I separated myself from people because I was tired to answer their series of questions, why do I have to answer, ‘I became the best version of myself’ this is what we see as quotes on social media and now I found that in myself. I left the pressure off the table to do exactly what people are doing like having a job and gained acceptance that everything happens at a right time. Time by time, I was happy with being an introvert and enjoying my personal space. And now the tables have turned people ask for my attention now those who left me depressed at times of need.

Multitasker Complexity

When I said I wanted it all, I meant the overall me becoming something. As a content writer or digital marketer, I was always keen to find out ways to better myself, gain interest, and create so different which makes people curious. But when it comes to my career, I was a disaster to decide what I really wanted because I didn’t know everything in a single field of digital marketing, I was scattered in most fields, this is what we call a side effect of being a multitasker. You know it all and don’t know much of it.

Writer’s Soul

Living with the writer's soul, I had a lot of thoughts, dreams of dreams, and a journey to pursue something and to create something different from people because differentiation is an art today. Isn't it such an art to create something exactly your mind says about and dreams about?  Persuasion, inspiration, romance, thriller, and so-called acceptance are all a part of writing. Creating factors where people develop emotions immensely and might relate to the story is a great achievement. To this journey of mine, I added lots of skills, but nothing provides satisfaction than my writing. 

I loved to write but wasn’t sure it to be a long-lasting career and growth, designing I liked but I used to do a basic one in Canva which was pretty good people considered that everything is easy in Canva which I can tell you everything is about creativity when it comes to a design. I knew a lot of stuff but these skills were something I wanted to grow in. But now everything differs, nobody teaches you in this generation, everybody wants work done, internships are just a way to get profits from most of the companies providing minimum stipend with a load of work which is done for the company not as per experience perspective. What about the people who want to learn, what’s in it for them, there are courses yes, but what about the practical knowledge that they can apply, because internships are hell sort of, entering into a job is going on the same path, and what about when you want to discover your path what you’re good at or bad at. Nothing seems right. It’s like all of a sudden life becomes blurry for you along with your career, but I won’t give up, I will really try my best to find a way that fits me and the world where I belong.

Hope is just a word but hits me differently because this is what my life is going about now. I just need to keep swimming as in the book by Colleen Hoover-It Ends With Us.

A Journey To Growth

From the journey of making people happy to get to make myself happy, I did grow. And don’t worry fellas my next chapter of life will be compelling enough to satisfy your soul filled with treachery and wanting to know if my life is either interesting or not. To hell with the people who wish you nothing in life and for them for whom you’re just a movie theatre. Love yourself enough that this urge to become something never fades. Your passion is what describes your journey, follow it along and do whatever feels like because life is all about experimenting. Create your own space and don’t ever allow anyone to intrude in it. Make life a long and happening chapter.

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