Ever noticed how you get frustrated at your child asking innocent questions, and then, a few minutes later, find yourself guilty of yelling at them? Or have you ever gotten into a situation where you get angry at your kids for no reason? If you dig deeper, you will find that your inner child is reacting. Yes, even now that you are a parent yourself, the inner child in you still holds a space.
Every adult has a child inside them; a child who still holds reminiscences of innocence, curiosity, tenderness, playfulness, and a yearning for love. The child also holds memories of our younger days, and it is a psychological "vase" holding the "flowers of adulthood". It shapes them, keeps them safe, and holds them together. You will be surprised to know that on many occasions, it also governs how you think, act, and believe. This inner child keeps a record of your childhood days. It remembers how you received love, how you regulated your emotions, and how you were neglected. Our childhood has ended, but it still continues to affect our adulthood. To understand the impact of this inner child, we need to reconnect to its psychological presence.
In modern life, we are asked to hustle, be busy all the time, be independent, and keep counting achievements. Yes, they are part of life, but not at the cost of losing inner vulnerabilities, softness, and love. Many people have grown up suppressing their emotional needs, guilt, and negativity. They become dependent on the external environment, neglecting their own needs. In pleasing people, they disconnect from their inner child and collect triggers and wounds that affect their behavior as adults.
The journey of connecting to your inner child is not for the faint of heart. Our inner child holds both our deepest wounds and our greatest potential. When we acknowledge the inner child, we heal both our past and present. It not only nurtures ourselves but also builds empathetic and compassionate relationships. This article explores the significance of connecting with the inner child.
Understanding the Inner Child
"The most sophisticated people I know - inside, they are all children." - Jim Henson
First and foremost, you need to understand what the inner child is. This term digs deeper into psychology and human life. It is a living psychological concept that encompasses your unmet emotional needs, suppressed desires, avoided fears, and unhealed wounds.
The concept can be traced back to Carl Jung's exceptional work in the field of psychology. Healing this inner child can be a homecoming for the self. So, it is not an imaginary character, but rather a psychological truth that remains unconscious. It embodies every moment of our early childhood. It has a dual nature, holding both our vulnerable parts and magical powers. The vulnerable parts contain wounds, needs, anger, shame, guilt, judgments, and insecurities. The magical powers hold creativity, curiosity, resilience, safety, and joy. When we work on our inner child, we heal the vulnerable parts and embrace the magical powers.
You may have noticed the sudden fear you feel in a relationship, the habit of avoidance you keep repeating, the unexpected joy you feel from your hobbies, or the deepest urge you have to express yourself emotionally. These are present emotions detected by the inner child living in the past. It keeps influencing you every day. Growing up, you may feel you have lost your inner child, but it keeps reminding you to play, laugh, enjoy, and be free. Yes, it encourages you to heal, to connect with life, and to love life.
Neglected Inner Child Symptoms
When the neglected inner child keeps showing up in your adulthood, the repressed emotions it holds make you a numb, disconnected, and lonely adult. You may feel emotionally fragile.
Low self-esteem: You act small and also force your kids to underestimate their power and natural gifts. You unconsciously stop them from standing up for themselves.
People-pleasing: You prioritize others' opinions over your children's needs. You often judge yourself as a parent through others' eyes, neglecting your kids' emotions.
Anxiety: Your anxious behavior not only impacts you but also makes your children restless. These symptoms are causing you to live in "fight or flight" mode, and the same survival mode is being passed on to your kids.
Perfectionism: You put pressure for perfectionism on your children. You take away the joy of trying and creating from them, forcing them to be perfect at all things. It makes them nervous, fearful, and stressed.
To parent your kids, you need to "reparent" your inner child first. If needed, you can consult experts for a better understanding and advice.
Reconnecting with the Inner Child
After tucking your kids in to sleep, you can journal for at least 5-10 minutes. You can create a daily ritual of practicing awareness and meditation with your kids. Include creative rituals like singing and dancing, which children enjoy too. Work on your self-talk, or you can practice a self-talk dialogue with your children. Revisit your childhood memories by narrating them to your kids. Encourage your kids to share their emotions by sharing your childhood stories, like the first time you were scared. This will heal your inner child and bring safety to your child, who will now know how to respond to "Mr. Fear" visiting him or her. This will cultivate a healthy relationship with your kids, which will help in your healing. At the beginning, you may encounter resistance; pain and uncomfortable feelings may resurface. But keep your trust, confidence, and consistency.
Benefits of Reconnecting
You will feel a sense of joy by honoring your inner child. It will reduce your inner restlessness and anxiety. You will build a beautiful, healthy relationship with yourself. You will find your creativity, courage, voice, and authenticity. You will build a strong relationship with your kids. Now, you won't react, but rather respond to them. You will teach them to be better humans by embodying joy, calmness, and peace.
Conclusion
Reconnecting with the inner child is about "cleaning" and returning to wholeness. It is a courageous act to acknowledge your pain, fear, suppressed feelings, and needs. It is about growing and evolving. You step up to be your authentic self. Amid the external noise, you choose to hear the cry of your inner child. For too long, the adult you have avoided that voice. But the moment you choose to heal and listen to the inner child, it gives you gifts of healing, creativity, and joy for you and your children. This time, you are not harsh; you do not neglect but embrace and regulate your emotions, teaching your kids too.
The inner child healing practice is important not only for an individual but also for your kids. Kids learn by imitating their parents, and now you embody the things you want to teach. It will provide society with better parents. It will create compassionate, wonderful, and imaginative beings. It's very true that the journey has challenges, but with all your courage, you should begin the process of transformation. By honoring the inner child, you honor both yourself and your children. It also honors unconditional love, curiosity, and play in your parental life. It teaches your kids to create, laugh, and love. You are breaking the cycle of past traumas and giving birth to a legacy of healthy, healing, and loving relationships for generations.