What is the most difficult thing to say? For me, it is no. The amount of guilt I felt when I said no to a person is the biggest guilt in my entire life. It’s not preparing for an exam at the last minute, it’s not telling lies to my parents a million times, and it’s not me scrolling through Instagram instead of being productive. It’s not all of the above. It is me saying no to the person, even though I've just met them for a few seconds. The place where I say ‘no’ is the place where I can keep myself first and keep myself as a priority. It is called self-centered, I guess, but I’m a more brainless person. I can’t even say no to the stupid person. I agree with them, well, it should be like that, but I am just saying I’m kind of that person. It is very difficult for a people pleaser; they spend, I mean, I spend my entire life being a people pleaser. I am not a ‘like me person’, but I am a person who is, ‘please don’t hate me person’. Sometimes when I think too much and go too far in thinking, the big thought that occurs is- maybe our ancestors sold their properties or gifted those properties just because they couldn't say no. It might be true, don’t judge me.

The good news is I slowly stopped saying yes to everything, everyone. How? Well! You need a lot of stupidity around you and a lot of selfish and self-centred people around you. In the process of dealing with those types of people, you get trained unconsciously. Isn’t that odd, like you get the good practice from the people you said yes to while they needed and abandoned you, or didn’t care about you when you needed them? I know the world is like that, and we should be like that for the sake of our lives. That’s what happens when you are in the process of learning to say no.

For me, it started right in the middle of the hardest part of my life. It aches my heart a lot to be in that process, but once you start saying no to the things that are not comfortable for you, it is the time when you feel less stress, less anxiety, less depressed, and much less guilty and regretful. I am not saying that you should say no to everything; you just need to listen to your brain and heart and make a decision. When I am in my hardest period, I see people saying no to me a lot, and I realise that I have given too much energy to their work. I felt more guilty, like, why didn’t I say no to them? Why did I give so much attention to them? Why did I invest so much in them? That guilt is needed for this process. After that, I started seeing everyone as the biggest selfish and self-centred persons. I started hating them, and I started showing a rude side of myself to them. But Little did I know that the problem was me. Because I was the one who opened the doors and invited them. I was the one who is the last person who looked after me. I was the one who didn’t say no to them. That is my mistake, and it’s okay! It’s a needed lesson in my life.

After that realisation, I came to a decision that I should protect myself, I should learn how to say no, and I should be the one who looks after me first. When there is no one for you, it’s okay! You can rise again, but when there is no one and not even you, you feel like a loser. You feel dumb that there was no one, and especially you. I felt like What happened to me? Why was I not thinking about myself? Why did I lose myself in the process of pleasing people? In the process of accepting their problems, their worries, their happiness, I forgot mine, and that hit me hard. So, I decided to say no to the things I don’t find comforting, and I started saying no to the things I can’t do and that are not in my hands. I can’t take another deal from another person while I was struggling on my own. I started taking care of myself, and I started being happy because of me, not because of them. I stopped people pleasing and I started being me. If you like me as I am, it’s okay! You are welcome, if not, then it’s okay, bye! Bye.

Life after learning to say no is a great life. You set your boundaries. You make real friends and you get real people. You will not take risks that are not necessary for you, and you will not spend a day just thinking ahh! I should have said no to them. You will spend the day happily and peacefully. Always remember to protect your peace and Happiness, it is very important.

Here's how you learn to say no to them. First step is to accept that you are the person who only gets you, understands you, and wants you to be at peace and happiness. The second step is to breathe, think, and just say no. If they ask why? You say your reasons. If you are not comfortable, say that you are not comfortable. That’s okay. If they don’t like you to be comfortable, then you don’t need them. If they are older than you or bigger than you, just find a valid reason and lie. If you think Why don’t I just say yes. No, then you will be at the place where you started. The third step is practice saying no to small no’s, like when they serve you the food you don’t like, when they insist you buy an item even though you don’t want to. The fourth step is to hold your ground; no matter how much they want to convince you, you cannot say yes to them. Remember to protect your peace. And that’s it, I hope this article helps you in saying no to the things you want to say no to. I hope you will become more confident and protect your boundaries.

So at the end of the day, saying “no” is not about being rude or selfish; it’s about protecting your peace. The more you say no to things that drain you, the more you say yes to yourself. And that’s the best yes you can ever give.

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