Suppose we examine the book "Emotionally Numb" by Jake Hollister, which is a poetic and powerful exploration of what it means to live without feeling. It speaks to those who have grown so tired, so overwhelmed, that their hearts have quietly shut down. Hollister calls emotional numbness a “quiet epidemic." More like a survival response born from trauma, neglect, stress, or burnout. We don’t choose it; we drift into it when emotions become too heavy to carry.
The book gently explains how emotional detachment is not a flaw but a defence, a way our mind protects us when life hurts too much. Yet, this protection slowly becomes a prison. And separates us from love, joy, and even pain. Through psychology, neuroscience, and real-life stories, Hollister shows how numbness forms, how it affects relationships and identity, and how we can slowly return to feeling again.
It’s not just a book about pain; it’s about coming back to life. About thawing the frozen parts of ourselves with patience and compassion. Emotionally Numb reminds us that to feel deeply, even if it hurts, is to be truly alive.
Sometimes we say we’ve finally found peace. We stop reacting, stop crying, stop caring. Nothing excites us, nothing hurts us. We call it “peace.” But if we look closely, it’s not peace; it’s actually numbness.
Peace feels alive. Numbness feels empty. Yet in a world that constantly exhausts us, we often can’t tell the difference anymore.
The Confusion Between Calm and Emptiness
Numbness can look calm from the outside. You seem collected, unbothered, mature even. People might say, “You’ve changed. You’ve become so peaceful.” But inside, you know something has gone quiet, too quiet.
Real peace comes with understanding and acceptance. It allows you to feel, but gently. It lets you cry and still have hope. It lets you get angry and still choose softness.
Numbness, on the other hand, switches off the entire system. It’s when your heart says, “I can’t do this anymore,” and your mind replies, “Fine, let’s stop feeling altogether.” It’s not healing; it’s actually survival.
Why We Choose Numbness?
Modern life is heavy. Every day, we scroll through tragedies, comparisons, opinions, and noise. Our hearts were not made for this much stimulation. We are constantly told to be productive, positive, and strong, even when we’re falling apart.
So, we protect ourselves by shutting down. We say “I don’t care anymore” because caring hurts. We say “I’m over it” because admitting pain sounds weak. We convince ourselves that feeling nothing is better than feeling too much.
It’s a defence mechanism. Which is a quiet form of self-protection. But when it stays for too long, numbness actually becomes a cage.
How Numbness Disguises Itself?
Numbness doesn’t always look sad. Sometimes, it wears a smile. You keep working, laughing, meeting people, but something inside feels distant. You’re there, but not really there. The few signs of numbness are, you stop reacting to things that used to move you. You find no excitement in good news. You feel “flat,” even when everything seems fine. You stay busy, so you don’t have to feel. You confuse indifference with maturity.
We call it “peace,” but it’s actually just emotional exhaustion.
The Cost of Staying Numb
When we turn off pain, we also turn off joy. When we silence fear, we also silence excitement. When we close the door to sadness, love gets trapped outside, too. You can’t selectively numb emotions. The same wall that protects you from heartbreak also keeps away happiness.
That’s why some people seem to have everything like success, stability, calmness, but they still feel a strange emptiness inside them. They stopped feeling pain long ago, but in doing so, they also lost their spark.
The Difference Between Peace and Numbness
Peace is active; it has presence. Numbness is the absence. Peace says, “I know things hurt, but I choose not to let them destroy me.” Numbness says, “I don’t want to feel at all.” Peace brings softness; it makes you gentle, grateful, and more alive. Numbness makes you distant, detached, and tired.
Peace lets you sleep because you’ve made peace with your thoughts. Numbness makes you sleep to escape your thoughts.
Peace connects you to yourself. Numbness disconnects you from yourself.
Learning to Feel Again
Healing starts when you stop glorifying numbness. When you admit, “I don’t feel okay, but I want to.” That small honesty cracks the wall open. You need to start with little things, like sitting in silence without reaching for your phone. Talk to someone honestly instead of saying “I’m fine.” Let small moments touch you: a sunset, a kind message, a memory. Feeling again doesn’t mean drowning in emotions. It means allowing life back in.
Sometimes, peace isn’t quiet; it’s actually messy. It’s crying on your bedroom floor and realising you’re finally feeling something real. It’s chaos with meaning. It’s confusion with hope.
Why Real Peace Feels Uncomfortable at First?
After being numb for so long, real peace can feel painful. Because when emotions return, they come all at once. Like thawing frozen skin. The first thing you feel is the ache. But that ache is proof that your heart is alive again. Peace isn’t the absence of emotion. It’s the ability to sit with emotion without letting it control you. It’s not “I don’t care anymore,” it’s “I care, but I can handle it.”
That’s the real strength. That’s peace.
Conclusion
We often say, “I’ve changed. Nothing affects me anymore.” But maybe that’s not evolution; maybe it’s emotional exhaustion.
Numbness may feel safe, but it costs too much. It takes away the very thing that makes life beautiful. Which is the ability to feel deeply. Peace is not the death of emotion; it’s the wisdom of emotion. It’s knowing that your feelings don’t define you, but they guide you.
So, if you feel empty, don’t call it peace. Don’t confuse silence with serenity. Let yourself feel again, even if it hurts. Because true peace doesn’t come from shutting down, it comes from staying open, even when it’s hard.
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