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As I scroll through Instagram, my feed is flooded with autism memes, reels, and “relatable” content, curated by neurotypical people. Some of it is hilarious, and some of it is borderline offensive. People treat autistic people like curiosities, something to laugh at, something “odd,” something not quite human.

It is hurtful to see how casually people from the spectrum are dismissed. We are called weird or awkward just because we don’t follow the social conventions that everyone else silently agrees to.

As someone who identifies with some traits on the autism spectrum, I want to talk about something that seems to hurt neurotypical people the most: our honesty, and of course, our strong sense of justice.

Note: neurotypical (or allistic) people are people who do not have autism or belong to the spectrum.

We Are Wired Differently

Allistic or neurotypical people are like Windows. Everyone has them. Understands them. Loves them. And is familiar and predictable.

Autistic people? We’re the Macs of the world. Sophisticated, secure, values-driven, and deeply uncomfortable with dishonesty. Our minds are just built differently, and that’s what makes people nervous.

Autistic people cannot tolerate lies, social fluff, or fake politeness.

People like to say we’re “too much,” but the truth is: we hate pretending.

Honestly? We Don’t Have a Choice

For us, autistic people, the truth is a central theme to our behaviour. It’s how we understand the world around us.

Neurotypical people often use honesty selectively. The truth is too bitter and powerful, and we hide it behind tone, timing, and social context.

When we say we’re honest, we are honestly honest. So when we’re asked to be honest, we assume that honesty is actually wanted, not the socially acceptable, distorted version that makes everyone feel good while nothing changes.

Asking for Honesty?

Let’s say a neurotypical friend tells me, “Be honest with me.”

I tell him the truth. He’s incompetent at working independently. He relies on me for everything. That's when I need help; he disappears. I’m not yelling or insulting him. I’m stating facts here.

And suddenly, I’m the problem. He’s offended. Hurt. Angry. He tells me I’m a terrible friend. He regrets asking. The friendship starts to fall apart.

That’s autistic honesty (I never liked him anyway).

White Lie Culture

The culture we live in is mired by white lies and false hope disguised as kindness. Autistic people consider this dishonesty that blocks improvement.

If we do a group presentation and it goes badly, and even when I have carried most of the work, being told “we did an amazing job” feels insulting rather than supportive.

That is not the truth.

How are we supposed to learn? To improve ourselves? How are we supposed to grow if reality is constantly rewritten to protect feelings?

We respect honesty, and we are willing to help when we can. But to neurotypical people, comfort and social image often matter more than truth.

We’re Not That

Because of the above situations, autistic people are often labelled as arrogant, judgmental, cold, or even emotionally detached. That is not true.

Autistic people just don’t follow the unspoken social roles we have to conform to in society. We don’t know what you want until you tell us properly. We don’t know, honest needs to be gentle.

Instead of understanding us, society reduces us to a disability.

So to us, books and cats are those individuals who understand us without judgment. Or (very rarely) spaces where we can be ourselves without being lied to or judged.

The Autistic Justice League

Autistic people have a strong sense of justice. When something is wrong, it deeply unsettles us.

When we see dishonesty, hypocrisy, and unfairness in the world, we get enraged. They clash with how our brains are wired.

We challenge these systems. Call them out.

That is what makes us difficult.

How to Talk to Autistic People

Autistic people converse with honesty, so here are some suggestions to communicate with them better:

  • Treat us with kindness, no flattery required.
  • Say what you actually need. For example, instead of saying “be honest,” say, “I need some emotional support,” or “Please be gentle.”
  • Don’t joke about our character, especially to other people.

That's all. No judgment. No brutal honesty. Be clear with us, and we will cooperate with you.

Autistic honesty is something that even people who preach honesty cannot tolerate.

Because this kind of honesty is uncomfortable and rare. It confronts and exposes gaps between what people say they value and what they actually practice.

Breaks friendships? Yes.
Causes conflict? Of course.
Should you try to change autistic people? Nope.

Instead, try to understand them. Try to recognise that sincerity, justice, and directness are central to who we are.

And maybe, just maybe, we would like it if you were truly honest with us.

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