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Lavender marriage is a term that is used for a marriage between two people when one or both partners are LGBTQ+. It is a marriage not based on love but on societal expectations and pressure. The idea of lavender marriage first appeared in Western countries in the early 20th century. Many LGBTQ+ actors and public figures entered such marriages to protect their careers and reputations. Over time, the term became known in other parts of the world, including India, where social expectations still play a strong role in marriage decisions. Even though the Supreme Court of India decriminalised homosexuality in 2018, LGBTQ+ people still face many social and family pressures.

And because of these pressures, lavender marriage has quietly become a way for some individuals to manage their sexual identity while still fitting into traditional family expectations.

The Beginning of a Lavender Marriage in India

In India, marriage is not just a personal choice but a societal need.

Many families believe that their children must marry by a certain age usually through an arranged marriage. For LGBTQ+ people, this expectation becomes a source of shame and stress. They get worried that being open to the family can cause shame, it will also damage the family's reputation, and it will cause conflict.

But to avoid these conflict, some LGBTQ+ people agree to do a arrange marriage. This allows them to meet family expectations without revealing their sexuality. In many cases, lavender marriage looks like where two LGBTQ+ individuals come together to fulfil their family expectations. For example, a gay man and a lesbian woman who decide to marry each other. Both understand that the relationship will be friendly rather than romantic. They are honest with each other from the honest with each other from the very beginning and plan the marriage.

However, not all lavender marriages are equal. Some look like this, in which only one partner is LGBTQ+, and the other is straight. In such cases, the LGBTQ+ partner might hide their sexuality due to fear or shame. And this can lead to emotional difficulties later when the truth comes out. Many straight spouses describe the experience as hurtful and confusing, often ending with divorce.

How Partners Find Each Other

Lavender marriage partners in India connect through various Telegram channels. Many meet in private LGBTQ+ groups on social media or messaging apps where people are open about their sexuality and discuss their difficulties, lavender marriage options. In larger cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Bengaluru, there are many support groups and queer networks that help individuals find suitable partners. They introduce people who are looking for a partner with a similar expectation. These meetings are usually very private. And most individuals keep their partner search hidden from family members.

Once they meet, they talk about everything they want in the marriage, like how they will manage their private and public life, how they will share responsibility, and most importantly, whether they will ever conceive a child.

How Lavender Marriage Works from Day to Day

Once the marriage is completed, the couple behaves like any other married pair in front of society. They attend family weddings, festivals, and religious ceremonies together. They take part in rituals expected in an Indian household, especially if they live in a large family.

But they keep their private lives different from what others see. Many lavender couples live like roommates. They may sleep in separate rooms. Some even live in separate cities because of work. They keep their own individual romantic relationships private and separated from their marriage. They set rules to make sure no one’s life becomes complicated.

They manage finances with practicality, where

Financial arrangements are made carefully. Some couples keep a joint bank account only for managing household costs so that they can save more. And they maintain separate accounts for personal expenses. This helps both partners stay independent and save more for their personal lives.

Indian Cultural Pressure After Marriage

In India, marriage is mostly about fitting in with societal expectations. So, families and relatives begin asking questions soon after the wedding. They will question when they will become a parent, and they will demand that their child be called as grandmother, grandfather, etc.

This question makes lavender marriage more complicated and stressful.

And this pressure is strongest in a traditional big family where having children is seen as the natural next step of marriage.

This phase is the toughest part of the Lavender marriage, where the couple feels so pressured that they feel they should open up about their identity.

But still Some couples, by keeping their identity hidden, decide not to have children at all. As they feel raising a child in a complicated relationship could be difficult. But refusing to have children leads to more pressure from family members, and society questions like “are these couple having fertility issues?”, suggestions like visiting a doctor will help them get a child, even rituals to help them get a child. But many Couples often lie by saying they are focusing on their careers or saving money.

But Other couples agree to have a child to satisfy their families. They may conceive naturally or use IVF. In these cases, both partners plan to co-parent even if they do not have a romantic relationship. They divide responsibilities like schooling, medical care, and daily routines. They treat parenting as teamwork and manage this successfully.

But for many people, having a child adds a new stress. They must continue to hide their identity while raising the child. They worry about the questions the child may ask later. And they fear how their family would react if their truth ever came out.

The options, like adoption is still in question in

Because India does not yet legally recognise same-sex marriage. LGBTQ+ couples still cannot adopt children.

Emotional Cost of Living a Double Life

Living a double life in a lavender marriage also brings emotional challenges. Living with a hidden identity for many years can cause stress, anxiety, and depression. Many individuals feel isolated because they cannot openly talk about their lives.

Some seek therapy in big cities where counsellors are familiar with LGBTQ+ issues. Others join queer support groups online where they can share experiences without fear.

But people in the village still suffer as they cannot share emotions with anyone without being judged.

Lavender marriage in India gives safety to LGBTQ+ couples to live in society without being judged. Though they face many issues and pressure of conceiving a child, which makes them face lots of challenges, they still feel it is a safe way to live where they can live their private life and also fulfilling expectations of their family.

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