Every child is evolved in the darkness of the mother's womb, the darkness of the unknown solitude, and the blindness of closed eyes!
Is there an inevitable need for any human features in evolution? The black origin, where the black does not have any negative terminology by itself, the colorless state that absorbs all colors of nature, is the primitive stage, now getting ready to throw out an individual’s rainbow life that has many shades and hues more than the seven colors of the rainbow.
Anybody who wants to manifest the colors and their expression needs to go through the metamorphosis of many stages of life, like the beautiful butterfly that needs to manifest its own wings of freedom. Family is an institution where the transaction takes place, but the currency of selfless love and home is built on the foundation of trust and coexistence.
I can see I was born and brought up in a military campus and was measured by the parameters set by my parents and siblings need to follow protocols that never allowed me to be normal. I realized after being a mother of two that when my kids don't follow even the basic protocol of getting up early in the family. Though in the world of colors, very hardly realized the colors of happiness, even the smallest butterfly or blossoming flowers, the rainy cloud or a shaking tree during a windy day, a rising Sun, the orangish shade of a setting Sun, the colorful motley of the sky brought joy and appreciated and acknowledged the presence of eyes.
The colors painted the emotions in me. My terrace was my laboratory to experience with my emotions, the changing colors painted my nature, where soothing then I was in blue, the dark depressions were erased by the chirping birds, and shaking coconut trees seemed as though they were pacifying me, they appear to me like lord Krishna’s peacock plumage. I often thought that my blood relations are unable to accept or acknowledge me; it's not surprising to get rejections from outsiders, my entire school life was painted in emotionless shapes of dull and faded colors. The evergreen memories of school are nostalgically simple. Every color has its darker and lighter shades and hues. Where the sunlight falls, we get lighter hues, and where accessibility of light is less, there we see darker shades. I was the youngest child, but never remembered for pampering. People commanded me, and whether I liked it or not, I obeyed my elder brothers and sisters, uncles, and aunts all set a protocol for me, as I was younger to them I wished would grow as an elderly person to someone to give a command but till date my age never made me grow as no one was at my beck and call. Though I never controlled or commanded anybody, I realize the pain of being dictated to at all times. The bright sunny day, the happiest moments are all with nature. Am I the solitude reaper, always my friends? I think we'll always be in imagination. Twice in my life, I experienced the nectar of friendship. The seventh standard of my life was the most transforming, enjoyable school life when I developed my academic skills, had tough competitions with my classmates, and experienced the hardship of jealousy throughout my life. I had nothing much to share. I always wanted to be a necromancer who could explore different dimensions of life and provide solace to the sufferer, but I now have the strength to outgrow the strength and weakness of the self.
I was hardworking, honest, beautiful, with perfect colors to form a rainbow of life, and then why is it not possible to get my life colorful? I came to know only after 35 years that my mental wavelength does not match with anybody. I was thirsty for growth, ambitions but the fate brought me new challenges in front of me to overcome.
My health brought Monday blues. I remember I was never in the pink of health, the greys of pessimism always surrounded me, even if I saw the rays of optimism, I doubted it and thought that it was just a phantom, and I manifested all the negative and manifested as a narcissist around me. I never had a day when I was not humiliated or blamed for actions. At times, without any expectations got some appreciation from outsiders.
When in school, my classmates hated me for being intelligent. I did not have any friends. I love white the colorless snowy mountains' serenity, which always attracted me whenever I see a scenic view in pictures or media, but once when I visited Jammu in the month of April, though the bluish green mountains minus snow gave a different perspective! The blue sky during the sunset and sunrise painted an incredible picture on the mountains, giving different hues and shades. My mind wondered on the mountains, I don't know why?
The Blue sky fascinated me. I imagine the clouds as the woolen headgears won by the silent, majestic, perseverant mountains showcasing their determination. The colorless dreams of water that ripple now and then due to some intrusion left as though some illusions that will vanish after a while, the most dangerous color of fear always frightened me.
Once I reverberated and became self-toxic due to external judgments, the darkest period of my life, but my creative mind always wondered on the blue sky, which was calm, deep, and serene. I wanted to get submerged. Imagined as if it were the deepest ocean, and I would swim across above this world without any human need or judgment.
People who came home like guests made things worse. Some appreciations and judgments created panic, the color black dominated, and a ray of light, the friendship between the Almighty and me was the only solace. I always trusted the color of hope, green and yellow. My optimism never died till date in spite of many backstabbing in the name of friendship.
My thoughts since the age of 15 bothered me about what I will leave after I leave this planet.
I became compassionate to a superlative degree with growing grief and failures. I became more understanding. The color of empathy, pink, unknowingly became my favorite color. I still trust the color of humanity when the color of anger can be positively converted to courage and bravery. We need to understand the colorless white and black shades rule for peace, serenity, and black for its bold confidence and domination. The white and pastel in my life try to explore the self and introspect within me, searching myself, painting the motley of colorful designs on the canvas of purity.
Yes, I now realize that without self-love, I will not be able to experience the color of happiness [yellow and green]. The strange realization in a woman's life that the motherhood suffering is never seen as pain, but a wonderful transition of a whole family, redefining each and every relationship. The green color of happiness was in full bloom, then my fully bloomed moon's tender, delicate hands that made me stand tall on the pedestal of motherhood.
I heard the best music in my child's cries. Twice a mother biologically, but always a mother as a teacher. My learning experience as a better teacher is so vivid and amazing that the phenomenal transition as a mother cannot be explained with the 26 letters. Always, as a mother, the brighter, optimistic side of every anticipation is viewed as the dried leaves adding colors to the green palette and accentuating the essence of color. My realization ultimately is that as the seven colors of the rainbow have innumerable shades and hues to make this world a colorful place, our emotions are all generated from basic human traits like love, compassion, trust, and acceptance, and when gets associated with the darker shades like black, they transform into judgment, fear, and jealousy. Let's all paint our white canvas of the heart with desirable colors of optimism and compassion and make a beautiful dwelling place of the Almighty.