Nothing’s changed. But, is it the same?
For others, maybe. Holding hands and finding seats, Grandma sits near and praying.
God or grandma bringing me here?
Faithful tears, hopeful praises and Godly Sacrament – what I see.
Funny stories and rice offerings – norms of the evening feast.
Kids running, screaming and crying – envy.
What do I want? What do I need? What would make me happy and at peace? If not prayer, then
What could it be?
Old people make me cry; her photo makes me cry. Food, church, family, make me wanna die.
Useless. Everything without her.
Everything’s changed. But has it really?
Or truth surfaced maybe? Sitting in a circle and distributing rosaries. Grandma leading.
Prayer or grandma bringing us here?
Sleep – unattainable
tears – incessant
dreams and drive – vanquished
feeling empty inside.
Ernest praise on faces, prayer in the rolling beads – rosary time spent.
Fifteen to forty-five minutes
Ten people to four.
Joy to burden.
Can we not go back? Is this no longer possible? Would it solve all our problems? Would we not be more peaceful?
Everything useless. Without her.
Easter, Christmas and New Year. Same?
Trying.
Different?
Everyone.
Change? Move on? Should I?
With essence – all lost and feeling – all alone.
Anger – no reason for control and understanding – out the window.
With blame – everywhere and love – not anywhere.
If not prayer, if not God, if not grace, then what could save us all?
If not her, her faith, her patience and love, then who can mend us now?
Continue or end it all?
. . .
Discus