A stanza to begin with: 

Sometimes it may seem like it is the end. It may seem like there's no way around. You might only find darkness. You might only wear scarred imprints. On your skin. Or maybe in your soul.

But remember that there's always something called light. The light may not be full. It may not be purely white. Whether it completely swallows the darkness or not…it surely kindles hope and brings together— the trail of healing.

A seven-year-old girl fell from the bicycle. Perhaps it was only a bruise. The bicycle broke, and she was wounded. Her father only saw the bicycle and yelled: “You are useless. Can't even ride a bicycle. You broke it. It was 300 dollars. Never show me your face”.

The bruise healed. The relationship with her father did not. The slit on her skin became better, but her confidence was still shaky. It wasn't about a cycle. It wasn't about breaking it. 

It was only about a fragile relationship, agony and a lost identity over the years. The same pattern continues — from bicycles to grades, from slight quarrels to parental indifference. 

She trembles, her hands shake — her father still yells ‘useless’. And she still crumbles. 

Can she ever heal herself completely?

Not the bruise. Not the wound.

Just her memories. Just her pain. 

Just her identity.

The answer to the question is in the prologue itself. 

Recovery—when it comes to physicality or material wounds…is a biological process where the tending is a natural, bodily and complete operation that moves in a cyclic and rejuvenating spectrum. 

However, in the context of modern psychology, losing one's own sense of self, their identity, passions, interests, relationships or recovering from an unhealthy dynamic is not a process of a one-time linear cycle. It's a jagged and intense roller-coaster of a graph that is supposed to be messy, scattered through ups and downs, highs and lows, good days and bad days. Despite the imbalance, the graph is proof of healing, which certainly and significantly takes time. 

Lots of time— months, years or maybe forever. 

The approach to beckoning the process is a beautiful journey towards light in itself… something that need not be a complete cycle or end at a final destination. The joy lies always in the journey. Always in the muddy pathways and in the jagged edges.

Rediscovering one's identity, reflecting on the past, and forgiving are important steps that help integrate pain into something beautiful — something that is broader and bigger. It provides a vantage point to view life whereby curing is characterised by elimination of symptoms while recovery is about becoming ‘whole’ once again. 

We can never erase pain; we can only process it and not let it consume the spirit within us. We can only redirect or convert it into passion, such as the passion for aiding others in pain, the passion for aiding oneself when in agony or ache.

Integration of pain and past imprints onto the terrains of the present and the future, if done mindfully, in the right sense and redirected into something profound…can provide a cyclic sense of healing— of recovery, of joy and of newfound identity. 

The pain doesn't need to disappear to be able to live with it. Rediscovery is generally about being able to reclaim your life despite the pain.

Finding joy in the little moments, in the little things, and in our reflections…can be a wholesome full-cycle moment that tends to the wounds…maybe not completely, but definitely helps us look beyond it, beyond the past and beyond broken ties. We can think of our mind as something similar to clay. Our experiences, past and memories, shape what form our mind takes today. 

However, one cannot erase old memories. 
One cannot find quick solutions. 
One cannot change the past or expel pain. 

What one can do is to take charge of the clay, reshape it and form it into something new, something heartfelt or something beautiful. Whether it is past trauma, experiences, ongoing therapy sessions or future worries, we can reshape our mind by creating new experiences, memories and opportunities. Whether it is a wavering relationship with a cynical parent or a troublesome friend…it is always hopeful to either find footing in mending or leaving.

By leaving, I mean to say that letting go of the past…essentialises the need to get hold of something new, something more beautiful and meaningful. According to contemporary psychology, we can practice the technique of ‘defusion’. Imagine your pain as something that has a form. A shape. A texture. 

Hold it and let it pass.
Let it fly into the air. 
Let it burn by the force of fire. 
Let it float on the water. 
Let it melt like ice.
Let your mind be a sky. 
And you just be a witness. 

Think of your brain like an art piece of Kintsugi(​García). The mind, your soul or your heart might have cracks, ruptures or wounds. It might have a broken texture like a crumbled plate. It might be creased. It might be rumpled. 

But when you join them together and embed it with golden flakes, it doesn't look like before anymore. Still broken. But even more beautiful.

Logotherapy(Frankl)— as talked about in the concept of Ikigai(finding purpose and direction in life) is another beautiful and extraordinary mechanism that focuses on the present, in finding meaning and purpose in life and in the little moments before reflecting, embracing or dreading the past. 

Our generation is fond of fast results. Quick promotions. Quick decisions. Instant delivery of food. However, life doesn't ride on the same engine. It delivers when it is due.

All approaches to therapy— cognitive to acceptance and commitment, can work alongside, parallel to one another or jointly…something that can truly enforce what we call as ‘the mending capacity of life’. 

Healing may not be a full-circle moment. It may not be a miracle. It might fluctuate hither and thither or fluctuate like the tides of an ocean. We can think of our mind as a storm. Something unpredictable. Something unsettling. 

But all we can do…is to witness it.

All we can do is to surrender to the flow. 

When we stop negotiating, arguing and fighting our past, our mind or our pain…we choose to define it as something that no longer has the power to break us. One can sit with the ache, the anxiety and go right through the darkness to eventually find peace in the survival as they pave their way out of the musty tunnel.

It's always our choice to give the steering wheel of our lives to our memories or the present. The wheel is something that only belongs to the latter and is only meant to build a proficient future. Healing will happen on its own— whether partially or completely, whether gradually or simultaneously.

All we know is that eventually, it just will.

Works Cited

• ​Frankl, Viktor E. Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press, 2006.
• García, Hécto and Francesc Miralles. Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life. Penguin Books, 2017.
• Harris, Russ. The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Trumpeter, 2008

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