Life is weird in so many ways. Somedays feel like absolute high and somedays feel like absolute low. Life shows its colours as time moves on. But one thing that remains with the person going through the process of being a child to being an adult is the insecurities, fear, and various other issues that they go through in today's times. Life is definitely not the same for everybody. It has been brutal to some and luxurious to many. 

That's how the reality truly is. In the same way with moving time and years pass by no one really talks about Anxiety and Depression. I remember a time when I knew I was facing anxiety and depression but deep down I needed someone, a helping hand, a soothing voice who guides me, a hug, or maybe something reassuring enough to calm my soul from the painful situations of my life. My story started back in 2017 when I was in 11th standard doing humanities and trying to study well and understand every new term that came my way. I started living in Vadodara and one day Mom got a call and it was Dad. Mom later woke me up and to my surprise, it was around 4 am. 

It was dark outside with no light and no sun. She said that dad had called and we needed to go catch a bus by 6 am and reach Anand soon. I asked why and to that mom told me that he got hospitalized. We packed our bags hurriedly and then ran to get a rickshaw and got into a city bus that would help us to reach there. We reached Anand in 1 hr 30 minutes and took a rickshaw straight to the hospital. Later we ran to see where Dad was. Dad was happy to see us and so were we. We started talking and talking and later Mom went home to check something. Later by evening, she came back to the hospital. It was later that I got to know that he had vomited blood from his mouth and mom had gone home to clean it. Although no one told me about his condition nor did Dad know about it. I had my exams coming up and so was my birthday. That was the first birthday I spent in the hospital but it was a memorable one as it was with my father and mother being there right by my side. Nothing worried me at that point and I was happy and content. After a few days, Dad wasn't hospitalized anymore and came back home safely. He was happy to come back home and start working and teaching. I went back to Vadodara as usual. My days went back to normal and I was happy again. Some months later I came back from school as usual Dad was actually going up and down from Anand to Vadodara because I had decided to pursue my studies in Vadodara while we were living in Anand. It was dad's decision to get me to Vadodara and start studying in a new school. I was excited and happy about this new opportunity. 

On that melancholic day, Dad came home to Vadodara and as he was resting in the drawing room Mom came to the last room and told me there's something I need to tell you and I got serious and asked what is it. She said that your dad has cancer. The moment I heard those words I started crying and crying. I remember that I cried continuously to the point where i couldn't stop crying anymore. Dad came to my room and hugged me. He got emotional too and so did mom. I was happy that at least they were there to console me on that day. Finally, i stopped crying and then the next day happened. Life didn't stop for no one and that was the scary part. We always think of I and me and ego but besides that, we should also remember that the world waits for no one whether you are happy or suffering. Life is like that. It waits for no one. Everyone has to die someday and that death will lead them to another thing that humans know nothing about. My father then went to Delhi to get admitted to AIIMS Hospital. He later came back after a few months to Anand and his chemotherapy continued. He continued his chemotherapy for 2 years. Life had become hell for my father as some of my relatives were also living there in the same house. He had no privacy in his own house which was shocking. I was annoyed too as the relatives should have stayed at their own house instead of staying at my house and wasting my father's money. But they were shameless and ignorant people. Later after 2 years, his health started deteriorating and so did his dreams of going back to college to teach his students. From studying in school to studying in college 2 years passed by. Dad supported me in completing my education and I was thankful to him for that sacrifice. One day as I was attending college I got a call from my mother saying that my dad had a heart attack and I rushed and took a bus and went straight home. 

I reached by evening and saw him in front of me. His cold feet and his shrinking hands made me cry but I held my tears back. He took his last breath on 16 July 2019 at 6:45 pm in the evening . I cried and cried outside the ICU room. I thought that maybe he could get better and god could save him but it didn't happen my way. After he passed away I went straight into depression and my body used to shiver all the time. I still thought that he would come back to me but he never did because the fact that the place he went to, was out of human reach and my reach as well. I couldn't do anything about the situation so I cried and cried. Four years went by and then 2023 came. I had changed a bit and I was happy that I did change. 

Times have changed, people had forgotten him but I still had him in my mind while performing any work because he gave me the strength to overcome any difficulty in life. In 2023 it was January when I got a call from an unknown number saying that your grandfather had been hospitalized due to head bursting. Again I panicked and we went straight to my grandparent's house. We stayed there for 3 months and it was complete hell. The people, the caretaker, and a whole lot of illiterate people residing in that place. For a man, it is easy to blame a woman and suppress her but for a woman, it is important to raise her voice in front of people. My grandfather also passed away and later on, life became that same hell for me to live in. I remembered how I lived when Dad passed away. I got the same feeling again. I got scared again. I didn't want to live any longer. I had no dreams to fulfill. Life seemed a difficult path to me and even staying alive was difficult for me every single day. But somehow I get the strength to deal with things immediately. I get the feeling of being peaceful and on some days I feel that he is protecting us in several ways. Later I came to realise that my grandfather was killed by his caretaker who had been there with him since 2018. Life is so weird because the people we trust betray us the most. I was shocked to see such an incident happening and in that moment I was glad that at least Dad wasn't here physically to witness such things. Life has its different ways of showing things and people's faces in life. It is important to never trust people blindly. From 2017 till now 2024, I have learnt a lot in life from seeing those people to seeing them treat me badly, to cursing me, etc. 

Such people are 2 faced people and they don't have anything else except for making fun of other people and treating others badly. The only thing I have learnt is to trust oneself completely and not give up easily. When I was dealing with mental problems I knew that I was not ok with all of the things going on in my life. With time I realised that if I give myself some time then things will definitely get better. Thanks to my parents for making me this patient in life. 

I still have life left to explore but this time I am ready for bad days and difficult days to come. I know that life is a journey of good and bad days and so in order to get better it is important to move every single day. It is important to ignore dumb people, keep moving forward, pray to god with a clean mind and never give up or surrender easily. 

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