Introduction

I heard some whispers in the corridors about a girl with bio-phobia. I knew her. It was me. Back in my school days, I would get triggered during biology classes and sometimes during assemblies. I was just an ordinary teenage girl knowing nothing about all of this except that I seemed to have an extraordinary condition.

Is Bio phobia even real?

“But how I caught it, found it, or came by it, What stuff ‘tis made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn” (The Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare).

It was in tenth class, we were studying about Circulatory System. I was all fine, till ma’am started talking about blood clotting. When she started describing internal bleeding , I began to feel a kind of tingling in my head. I started getting cold sweats and dizziness. Usually ,I tend to have some water and then put my head on the table, and when the class would be done, I would gradually get back to my normal state. But, this time it was different .I was getting super dizzy. This was the first time my biology teacher took notice of me. She did not teach further, I was escorted out into the library room. After some time I was back to my usual state. Since, then my Bio-phobia became a hot topic for gossips across the staffrooms and classrooms.

I Googled a lot, went through the entire list of phobias and I could not find anything close to Bio-phobia. I never felt like I am phobic to biology, because I would not faint in every class. I did not experience fear as an emotion per se either. So, Bio-phobia was not a real thing. It turned out to be a Vasovagal Syndrome.

What is Vasovagal Syndrome?

As the years went down I got to know that it is a kind of a Vasovagal Syndrome.

Mayo Clinic says “Vasovagal syncope occurs when you faint because your body overreacts to certain triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. It may also be called neurocardiogenic syncope. The vasovagal syncope trigger causes your heart rate and blood pressure to drop suddenly.”

Since, I am prone to the emotional triggers, therefore I have developed a syndrome.

I was told by the doctor, that it is pretty harmless. All I got to do is make sure that I stay hydrated and not leave my place without eating well. If at all I find myself in a situation, where I am triggered, I need to sit down, have some water and breathe deeply. This may alleviate my trigger response.

Well, how I got this syndrome. It turned out that my father would faint in biology classes too. I was so surprised and relieved at the same time. I was surprised because I saw my father as the bravest and strongest man. He told me that he deliberately exposed himself to such uncomfortable discussions and that trained his behaviour and now he has overcome it completely. I was relieved that my syndrome is genetic and it is not my fault. However ,I am not confident about doing such exposure therapy as my father on my own. For, I tried it at school and frequent trigger responses only made it worse.

The Impact

Sometimes I felt like an odd person. I didn’t feel strong and brave enough. In my head I would imagine worst case scenarios where I would get triggered and pass out in a room full of strangers. I would be lying helpless on the ground.

I felt low a lot. Despite being a high performing student, I couldn’t give the best of myself in any project. Because, when I would be alone, I would feel emotionally exhausted and demotivated. I would be reading books on productivity, because I felt bad for feeling like doing nothing at all most of the time. I was looking down at me a lot.

My Mind in the Right Place

Everyone has fears and weaknesses. Many people tend to laugh when they hear about strange phobias. I don’t. Because, I understand, if someone is highly sensitive about something and gives hyper reactions, they are most likely to be naturally wired like that. They are aware that their reactions are abnormal but they are real. Sometimes, it's their genetic make up, other times it is a traumatic experience. None of which is good to mock about.

I have heard a lot of innocent people make inadvertent insensitive comments about me. I remember teachers asking a boy to hide his wound because I could faint but, I was not triggered by it. I remember a girl wondering why I didn’t faint at the sight of blood. I was once asked if I have a bio-phobia by my physical education teacher. A girl once asked me what it’s like to faint and that she really wants to experience it. All these remarks are insensitive and the past me didn’t call it out because I knew that most of the times, people do not intend to hurt but by not calling out such behaviour these behaviour get reinforced. It is thus important to sensitize people to your issues by calling out their inappropriate remarks and actions.

Even though I have a syndrome, it doesn’t disable me from doing regular things. Even after all these years, I am not sure what would make me triggered. However, I know how to help myself now.

Sometimes I want to tell people that if you feel sorry for me, when you see me pass out, don’t feel sorry for me, it is just that your normal is not be my normal. Ask me if I feel better or if you could do something to make me feel better, that is enough to make me feel better. Ask me my triggers, instead of presuming my triggers and never ever make jokes about them.

As I met more people I came to know I have a friend who is triggered by flickering lights, a girl who has phobia of rats, a friend is triggered by loud noises, a girl who is afraid of heights. All this opened my mind, and I realised that a lot of people have a lot of peculiarities about them and it is okay. I know I cannot undo their peculiarities, but I know how to not hurt them at least. I can empathize with them, hear their experience and let them know that they are cared for.

Conclusion

It doesn’t have to be a disability, your body, phobia, or syndrome that makes you feel different, if we look deep inside, our way of thinking and doing things may make us feel like we are different. But, that difference is everything that makes you the unique you. No one thinks like you, feels like you, and does things like you. There is no other you that could ever be replaced by someone else. You’re rare.

When you realise this, your weakness becomes your power which you can use to heal yourself and others. This is how I look at my syndrome now.

You are a child of the universe,
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
(Desiderata, Max Ehrmann)

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