Source:  Pixabay

Hey, it's me, AmberLynn Barlowe. I am the main lead of this unromantic story. I am just a normal 20-year-old college student. If I say I am the most romantic person just believe me on that. But yeah, that's only in my imagination because when it comes into action I always freak out at the spot. Because it's easy when it comes to imagining something and hard to make it happen. Like I always imagine being the author and also the owner of the big hotel. Not much discussion, let's move on to the main story. So I use to have a crush on this guy nothing serious just that I like the way he speaks. And a lot of tragedies happened with him to get over it quickly that I couldn't say as well. And then I had a crush on another guy... whoa soo quick right? Yep, that's me Amme. By the way... Amme's my nickname. So back to this guy. And then he started acting like a complete prick. He was my greatest error in history. Can you believe I had a crush on someone and I've regretted it my entire life? Shame, not on me, but this guy. And now I can't stand this guy. 

Let me now introduce you to some of my friends. They are the most amazing folks I have ever encountered. It would be a lie if I said I am close to only one individual in my group of friends. They all look out for me when I need them. We all have different ways of thinking and seeing things, but at the end of the day, we're all plugged in. So there is this guy Danilo. He is a crackhead. Like the funniest guy in our friend circle. He calls himself the captain of the group. Because he was the one who created the group and bring all of us together. And then there is this girl Aura. I can describe her in just one word like perfection. For me, she is perfect in everything. She is beautiful and is very talented. She is someone that always makes me feel like I can do anything if she can do it too. Unintentionally she pushes me out of my comfort zone. And these two morons means a lot to me because wherever I feel low or heart broke they are the one whom I feel like my safe place to tell. And now It's time for him. Guess who? The guy that drives me crazy about himself. I don't know where to start. Long story short. He was one of the guys in my friend circle. I have never seen him before because he joined classes late. I only had an idea about there is this guy in our group named Ray. When I saw him my whole world stopped. I was mesmerized by his looks and features as if I would have a chance to date, someone he'll be that one. So basically I followed him on social media and started the conversation. Then between the conversation, I was like look I prefer calling than texting. So I gave him my number and waited for him to call. He called me and that day we talked for about 3-4 hours. Insane right? Hey, do you guys know that feeling where you feel like a butterfly in the stomach? Yeah, that's what I feel like when I talked with him for the first time. And then it became one of my habits to talk to him every fucking night. I enjoyed those moments with him and he treated me well. But unfortunately as a friend. As I was developing my feelings for him on the other hand he never felt anything special about me. But even after knowing about this, I continued with those emotions that I had for him. One day I told him that maybe I am feeling something for him and I want to date him. And he clearly told me that he can't date me because he wants to enjoy his college life and can't date anyone at the moment. If I say I wasn't hurt that would be a big lie. I was hurt and I tried to stop those feelings for him but I can't help it. It was too much for me. So I stopped talking to him and told myself to never talk to him. Soo, we didn't talk for days and then one day I called him and I was like listen I know soo many girls want you and love you. I don't know much about love and all that stuff. But I can't help it I can not move on from you. So I decided to stick and wait for you. 

Nowadays I don't like talking with guys I don't like going out with others. And I am so clear about this fact that the person I want is you. It's so unreal for me to feel like that but I can not help it. When I was telling him about this I tried soo hard to not cry. And to show him that I am not hurt I laughed it out. After that, we ended the call, and I felt soo relaxed. And then from that day, I decided to love him from distance. I decided to focus on myself first because I wanted to be the best for him. I know it's hard for me to make him feel for me the same if I'll maintain distance and won't make efforts. But I choose this path because even if he will be with someone else I won't get too hurt. That doesn't mean I'll stop feeling like that for him. It means that even if he'll be gone it won't affect me a lot because he was never in my life the way I wanted. I don't know if it'll be fine to name this thing ‘love’. Because name doesn't matter the feelings matter. I don't like to give a tag to these feelings because this is more than that word love. Because love does not always mean getting loved back. It's our choice to stay for that person or move on. 

Idk if love exists or not but these feelings do. That makes you feel like you want to be a better person for them. In this world where everything feels fake and unreal, I want everyone to be able to feel those beautiful emotions in themselves. I want them to know what they are missing. I want them to be true to themselves so they can have a healthy life ahead because not every emotion is toxic. And not every feeling is fake. Some are just so beautiful that we need to cherish them so they'll grow into something beautiful. Life is beautiful and this feeling as well. Even if it'll end one day I believe it'll be a new beginning for something more beautiful than that. Because I remember someone told me every end has some meaning and a new start in it. So never disappoint even if it'll end there will be a great future ahead.

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