I still think about the things, even when all has been said & done. When thinking about things that are over, has accomplished nothing. Voices are humming in the next room &  I am happily distracted cause no one is there to hear it, to know about it but YOU 

&

YOU listen and stopped in the middle of whatever you were doing to listen without saying anything without walking in because it is a moment entirely "there" & knowing that your place is to just be there, to hold that moment, because it is a gift beyond words that you are lucky enough to be there to hear it, until humming stops & the worlds comes back and all you can do is go back to the task and suddenly get the sense of how delicate how fragile all of it is.

I looked it everywhere, at everyone & wondered where they came from, what they wanted, who they missed, what they are looking for. It's completely acceptable to stay alive for tiny reasons. Because you want to hear your favorite song one more time because the moon is just too pretty to never see again. Because you want to see Christmas lights this year, cause you want to sit by the window when it rains & read books & listen to indie music. You want to listen to your body & fall asleep when the moon is high and wakes up slowly with no place to rush off. 

You just want to be boundless & infinite. Sometimes we feel like we are back to square one as if all the effort we put into ourselves are gone into flashes. sometimes things make us time travel into the past where we start to look at everything that went wrong.

Maybe we will think of how we "LOST" prime years of our lives to mental illness, maybe We will think of how we lost certain opportunities & experiences. Maybe you'll think of all the people who pushed you down to your lowest. Maybe you will think of all these things & realize that " oh wait I didn't grow at all . I didn't live my life  . I just survived it, I wish I could go back in time & change it all. You feel like every second of your life gone to waste " but the truth is, it hasn't.

If you look a little deeper you will see that you had grown so much. You didn't lose anything. You gained a lot. You will change the world because of the person you've become. Your story will now be someone else's survival guide 

You think You will die out but you just keep living day after day 

 I feel the truth that we all are waiting, all of us against universal odds for something extraordinary to happen to us but sometimes it's enduring to be like a lake, peaceful and calm, sometimes cold but sometimes warm. Not every lake dream of the ocean. Not every ocean gives you peace. 

In the era of attention, to remain hidden & known by only a few is a blessing.

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