Her restless shivering hand-holding and crumbling the bedsheet as she lives the same nightmare again and again. She opens her eyes seeking comfort but there is no one to be found. She closes her eyes to remind herself that it's just a dream and the next morning will be different, deep down knowing that this is the reality she has been living for years. As she wakes up having bulged eyes, she recalls when she was 10 and every part of her body ached cause of the hot iron rod marks across all over her back. Her heart roaring and weeping for what feels like an eternity of grieving while leaving for college, she showers, dresses up, and not to forget puts a big smile on her face to mask up whatever happened in her life for years. She reaches her class greets her friends, laughs, plays, studies but most importantly hides everything she has been going through. Not knowing she has been dealing with depression since she was 7. She closed her eyes and the memories of her being used and abused hit and tortured rushed back to her in flashes and a slow murmured voice came "if you dare to tell anyone anything, the same thing will be done to your sister". She was daydreaming in the college of course! but whatever bits came through her subconscious was the truth and reality she hide from everyone, even her parents. All that she needed was a good night's sleep, but destiny planned something else for her, innumerable unsleepable nights and a destroyed circadian rhythm gave her not only depression, constant anxiety attacks, migraines but also sleep paralysis. 

The demons of the night had a face, a face that will haunt her always. Never dreaming of having a friend to share all of this, scared and disturbed she never loved someone, but as I said destiny had different plans, she met a man, so calm but so chaotic, so handsome but silly, so annoying but still so pure, she never dreamt of holding hands with a man and to feel safe and loved at the same time. The adrenaline rush, blushing for the first time, dreaming of having a life away from all the dark past she lived was the first time she ever dreamt and it didn't turn into a nightmare. All of this was too good to be true for her, frightened she would jinx everything, she unknowingly started pushing the guy away but as adamant as the man was he convinced her to stay with him tho in the long-distance but love. Every day calls, sharing their plans for the day, writing each other big ass paragraphs, and sending each other handwritten letters and gifts was the new thing she was worried about, Realising that a man changed her whole world she decided to confront him about her past, gathering all the courage she confronted, afraid she might lose him she decided to let him go and let him make his own decision. She video called him, confronted and balled her eyes out, to her surprise he was calm, patient, listening and telling her how much he loves and respects her, The girl deprived of such genuine love couldn't believe it, but at least she knew that the man she loves is not just her partner but a best friend she always needed. That night on video call she just asked him one thing, "CAN YOU MAKE ME SLEEP"? and he told her all his dreams which he will turn into their reality soon, for the first time she slept peacefully with bulged eyes knowing that no matter what happens she has found a friend who will never leave her.

As I see her from a distance looking outside the window, feeling the cold breeze, all I can remind myself of is the one dialogue I heard "You can't really hold on to someone, cause the tighter you hold on, the more they wanna slip away. All you can do is love them and make sure they know that you are never gonna slip away".

Next time, if you find your friend going through a rough phase, ask them "can I make you sleep"?

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