Image by Jerzy G√≥recki from Pixabay 

Hey, it's me! One word to describe myself? You have already got an idea from the title, right? Well, welcome to my world that is filled with doubt, fremescence, and getting cold feet. Just to clarify, my life neither demands sympathy nor is it boring. It's a merry-go-sorry ride, and I would not trade it for anything else. Let me explain to you HOW! And trust me, this story is not a tragedy :)

From the time I wake up, my mind starts its doubt games. They say you should plan the day before what you are going to do the next day. But that does not work for me. I did try to plan out my day by sitting with a pen and a paper and just when I was about to write my first to-do; I thought is this task really important, do I really need to do it? Should I just skip it for the next week? Is it going to affect me in anyway? And there goes my list. It's not that I have not tried to break this rantum-scantum cycle. I have tried many times, but I must say, my overmused mind knows how to win this game. It's only when I'm dreaming that I vicariously experience what certainty feels like :)

And when you mix indecisiveness with overthinking, oh my my! What an explosive combination. Have you ever tried mixing cola and mentos? If not, please do not try it at home but it's similar to a volcanic eruption with lava flowing out and that perfectly describes my personality when I am slightly perturbed by people or situations.

But I have found one solution. That is to never plan anything beforehand. It sounds catastrophic but better than experiencing the avalanche of thoughts in my head. When I wake up, I just get started with the mundane-routine tasks including folding the bedsheet, brushing teeth, taking bath and having breakfast. Lately, I have developed a newfound love for make-up (but I would suggest do not take my advice on that), so that allows my mind to rest for thirty minutes at stretch. Then comes the strenuous period when I have nothing to do. I sometimes wonder how great it would have been if I had a job like Bond where I do not have a second to think but just act on impulse. But sadly, I have a desk job and I am far from being an active-athletic person (I am a certified lollpoop).

But hey, overthinking has its own perks. The day before, I was planning if I should go out and work from a cafe. But I caught myself in a dilemma; should I go to the cafe and latibulate myself in a corner to avoid eye-contact with strangers? Is it worth spending 200 bucks on a cup of coffee which won't taste any better, or should I just stay at home as I have to receive one of my amazon packages.

In the end, I was too ramfeezled to do anything and guess what, I stayed at home watching television and having coffee while working. And just to make it clear, the idea was not bad at all as I saved two-hundred bucks on the coffee and the same amount on the mode of transportation I would have taken otherwise. 

When I am asked out and I reply with "I'm busy", that actually means me sitting with a cup of coffee and reminiscing about all the unpleasant events and decisions of my life like a kopfkino. 

So, overthinking has its own benefits. The point is how are you looking at it. It can be a curse, but we can have fun with it if we can't change it, right?

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