Of all the topics under the sun, why did I choose this? The moment I knew it was an open category, I wanted my thoughts to blow in the exact opposite direction and look where we are now!
HEARTBREAKS! They aren't easy. Oh, that would be a euphemism. If they were only a tad difficult, I wouldn't go round and round about the same.
Post-breakup, not only did the glitter of my once colourful sky fade, even the rains saddened me. Feeling sorry for my poor heart and my sole existence, life had been shut inside my room with the pillows drenching in my tears.
I was practically a prisoner in my bedroom, afraid to step out, ashamed to face the familiar faces, failing to put a beaming mask on, terrified of the questions that would be thrown upon me, cowardly blaming myself for all that has happened and feeling unworthy of anybody's love. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. So going out was indeed laborious. The idea of confronting my ex (yes, that's what we are now) and anyone related by a mere chance killed me. It was so miserable that the sight of something remotely associated with him (her) would cause Niagara Falls to roll down my eyes. The whole mess was simply unbelievably pathetic.
Now I don't want to make this a miserable read for you. If that's the way it sounds, congrats! For you have made it to that side of the emotional rollercoaster.
Every other day I was analysing which stage of grief I have reached, only to realise I'm nowhere there. I had been so naive to think that the process would be different for each individual because their grief is different and thus explaining the sudden attainment of acceptance on one day and denial on the next. One thing I know for sure is that I was depressed, regardless of the day.
The situation improved only when I intentionally stopped doing the things hurting me, of course, after being in a therapy session with my close bunch and listening to some realistic advice. Mind you none of these worked during the initial days!
And why is that way? Maybe I realised, though slowly, that it was time to wake up and face the reality; whatever was happening wasn't really my fault and I should accept it. Maybe I wanted to take charge of my days and nights instead of curling up inside the sheets. Maybe I no longer wanted my darling diary to be burdened with the trauma of my past.
Yes, there would be times when you want to cry, scream and yell at the slightest change in the environment. You will have your share of self-doubts. You may have your breakdowns. You may choose to avoid everything that reminds you of them since a mere mention of their name will shatter your already broken soul. All the endless talks, sleepless nights, crazy discussions, hugs, kisses - oh, how you wish memories had a switch! You might want to sleep and never wake up. You may even think of giving up- ending it all. But you know why you shouldn't give in? Because you should never repeat the mistake somebody else did to you.
To be honest, I don't understand how we do it, but during these times we're quite skilled in choosing to hurt us a little more. We blindfold ourselves to unsee the fact that there is love around us. Besides, all that love within you is still there. You just need to embrace it. Ahem, not embracing toxic positivity here! I know it's hard, like really hard. I know you might be barely hanging in there.
Sometimes you feel this is a never-ending journey and the destiny of peace becomes a big question mark. Other times you will be tired of punishing yourself for something you're not responsible for.
Trust me, it is completely normal to let your heart be broken. You will be surprised I have a couple of reasons to prove my point!
Firstly, it confirms that we're humans and not some emotionless robots.
After breaking up, the other person does not exist in your world. Especially if it was not amicable, he/she is unfortunately dead to your world. You can't do anything about it. However painfully you rehash things, you cannot bring back someone who is no longer a part of your life. So, the grief is valid. I have even discovered that it's completely ok to get sick with high temperatures, lol! (Rationale: your body knows your mind the best)
Lastly, your heart has been holding something precious for a dear time. It's only natural that it gets a few tears and cuts or all the more, some deep penetrating wounds, when the person leaves.
So, let's take a look at the various options available that are found to be effective to take time off after parting ways because many of us including me lose our daily schedule in the immediate post-breakup period.
Travelling is the first one that comes to my mind because it's said that exploring new places helps reduce the emptiness forming inside you. Socialising without diving straight into a rebound relationship can strengthen your core and evolve you as a person. Spending time with your loved ones can drain all the negativity.
Most importantly focus on your inner self. Follow your passions and do what you've been loving to do all this while. Forgive the both of you, breakups are exhausting and you don't need additional baggage. Crying your heart out can ease your pain, but not too long. (Then again, how long is too long?) As you know, there's no go-to strategy here.
Each one of us devices our own unique way of healing. Time plays a key role. So instead of being impatient and complaining that time being our wingman is a myth, we must understand that our body and mind are working tirelessly for us to cope with the loss. Hold tight because there will be multiple incidents pulling you back, piercing right through your previous wounds. But there's no easy way.
Give yourself some time to digest the process, come to terms with the trauma, and accept the brand new you. Ultimately, you'll learn to let go.
You will love him (her). You may love him (her) a little less. One day something random will jog your memory and you smile. That's when you realise you've perfectly grown-up - bloomed and blossomed. Until then, BREATHE.
BREATHE UNTIL YOU FEEL PEACE.